HCG and Progesterone Tests STAT

My RE requested I have HCG and progesterone blood tests done ASAP., with strict instructions on the order for Quest Diagnostics to process the request STAT.

Wow! STAT? Really?!?

I really didn't think it was all that important. I mean, I took a HPT yesterday and it was stark white negative. My doctor knows this, but yet, he wants to have a blood pregnancy test performed.

Suddenly, I start feeling that hope seep in again. The hope that I always manage to dig up, time and time again.

I made the appointment to have my blood drawn as soon I received the order and then it felt like Christmas Eve all over again. Sitting around, waiting for my doctor to call with the pregnancy results. Unfortunately, my nurse e-mailed me and said it looks like the results won't be in until tomorrow.

So, we wait! Heck, my period might start tonight for all I know!

But, while we wait, we still hold onto the chance that this is it. A chance that even with a negative pregnancy test at 18 or 19 dpo (approximately), I could still be pregnant, right? Right???

Heck, my friend had a negative HPT at 14 dpo and she ended up being pregnant with twins!

All things are possible. If God is for me, then who is against me? Pregnancy or no pregnancy this time around, God is teaching me so much about myself through this journey. Things that He knew I needed to learn and that I would only be open to learning through infertility, a disease which ripped out my heart and made me second guess the control I so confidently thought I had on my life. During the process of my heart being broken, God has amazingly healed it in ways that years ago, I would not have dreamed possible. Ways that only infertility could help me discover.

So, although I still scowl at infertility and would wish this on nobody, God was able to find His place in my life again. I didn't realize how much I needed Him in my life until all of this.

And, as a friend commented on a recent blog post...THANK GOD FOR GOD!!! Amen to that!

Well, Now We Know

An anonymous friend, and avid blog reader, gave me $15.00 today. At first, I was confused. Why on earth would he give me a blank envelope with $15.00? Then, I remembered!

I remembered writing in my previous post, why waste $15.00 on a pregnancy test?

Well, he apparently didn't see it as a waste to use his $15.00 for this purpose, so right after work and picking Ella up from school, I stopped by the nearby Walgreens and made my first purchase of a home pregnancy test (HPT) in, seriously, over a year.

I can't say my heart wasn't pounding out of my chest as I waited for the results to display. I was so nervous. All the excitement I felt when we first started trying to conceive resurfaced. Hope fogged my eyes with tears. Adrenalin kept my heart at a rapid peace. All the while, I kept thinking, "Could this really be it? Is this going to be my moment? My time to shine?"

After the required two minutes lapsed, I saw that it was not my time. :(

(Photo courtesy of Google Images).

And even though I was hoping my late period (which still hasn't come by the way!) meant something other than my body's hormonal equilibrium being off, I'm okay.

I'm okay I'm not pregnant.

I'm okay because I have three promising frosties waiting for me. Three embryos that have already been created and filled with all the hope and potential in the world. Three future babies I am so excited to bring into this world (God-willing).

God is still writing my Mom Story, of that I am absolutely certain, so I just have to remain faithful.

And, even though my heart broke a little today, I'm okay.

And, as if God knew what I needed to read shortly after my negative HPT, I came across this Bible verse in my friend, Jennifer's blog.

But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed. (Habakkuk 2:3)

Thank you, Jennifer. And, thank you, anonymous friend. :)