"F" the New Year

No, I'm not referring to the "F Bomb." If you know me, you know that word never leaves my mouth.

But, what I'm referring to are the personal goals I'm committing myself to with the coming of 2012.

It goes without saying that 2011 was a wonderful year for my family and me. The year started out with sadness and despair, but also a sense of hope. (If you click on that link, you will see that I wrote, "2011 is going to be the year. I can feel it!" And, boy, was I right!).

Going into 2011, I resolved to let go and let God and redirect my mind. I went into the New Year without knowing when we would move forward with our frozen embryo transfer (FET), or if we even would (due to finances)! I went into the New Year not knowing that our FET would result in a healthy pregnancy, and a healthy baby boy. I went into the New Year with so many questions unanswered and so much pain, but I am coming out of it with all my questions answered and a healed heart and soul. I now understand why God insisted I waited so long for my son. I know why I went through a failed IVF cycle. Tristan is the answer!!! If I had gotten pregnant any other time, Tristan would not be my son. He is the little man God intended for this family all along. I just needed to have more faith in God's beautiful plan for this family...for my son.

But, now, going into 2012, my resolutions will not revolve around conceiving my second child. Instead, they will revolve around making me a better me!

I resolve to work on:

Family... Time management is so key in life, and especially when it comes to my family. Now, with Tristan here, I clearly see that I need to manage my time better to allow for more time with my family and more "me time" (so I can keep my sanity!).

Faith... My faith always has room for growing. Even though it has grown so much the past few years, I feel like it can grow even more. Infinitely more. Other than attending church, I plan on committing to some sort of devotional that challenges me. I already read Proverbs 31's daily devotions, but I'd like to get some spiritual enlightenment from recreational reading and other devotions. I gain so much through these types of things!

Fitness... Fitness has pretty much left my vocabulary the past few years. While trying to conceive, going through infertility treatment and then being pregnant, I stopped exercising. I feel "flabby, fat and lazy" (know what Disney movie that line is from?), and now that I am pretty much fully healed from my c-section, I am finally going to get my exercising "mojo" back.

Food... Along those same lines, I'm going to commit to eating healthier. I have joined WeightWatchers to help keep me on track. Two words...portion control! I'm not going to give up a trip to In-n-Out every now and again or some frozen yogurt with Reese's on top, but I am going to portion control. Infertility took my body and had its way with it, and I'm going to take control of it and return it to what it used to be.

Happy New Years, everybody! May 2012 bless each and every one of you. :)

Remembering Christmas Eve 2010

December 24, 2010 left me with a broken heart. The tears that came after I received the news that our IVF cycle was unsuccessful were the most painful I cried. Ever.

I had never felt so much darkness.

A part of me crumbled that day, and admittedly, I don't think I will ever fully heal.

Words will never be able to fully describe the fall I experienced that day. I try to put words to the emotions I felt, and still feel, but nothing seems to give enough justice.

And, even though so much happiness was brought into my life when I became pregnant with Tristan, our failed IVF still haunts me, and I didn't realize exactly how much until this morning.

I cried this morning. A lot.

The tears started out as sad tears as I remembered the whirlwind of emotions we went through on this very day last year. The complete devastation leaving us collapsed in defeat.

But, then I looked down at my sleeping baby boy in my arms, and my tears shifted to happy tears of thankfulness. My gosh, I am so thankful that the second go-around with our FET brought us Tristan, who is proving to be the perfect little man for our family. He is exactly what all three of us have prayed so long for.

My observant and empathetic daughter quickly noticed the tears streaming down my cheeks this morning.

"Mommy, why are you crying?"

I explained to her why. (We have been very honest with her about our journey to having a baby).

And, her response was one beyond her short five years of life. She said, verbatim (I quickly wrote it down so I wouldn't forget), "We choose to have a baby, but God decides when. We choose the name, but God says when it's okay to have the baby."

Wow.

I have the smartest, sweetest, most caring little girl, who is going to be the most amazing role model for her baby brother.

Christmas Eve 2010 will always be a day I look back on with sadness. That day will forever carry unimaginable grief, irreparable darkness and crushed defeat, culminating all the time and tears invested in conceiving a second child.

But!

Christmas Day 2011 is going to be a day I will look back on with so much clarity and happiness. I have longed for the Christmas morning I can wake up to with another member of this family, and I simply cannot wait to celebrate our first Christmas as a family of four. It's going to be such a joyful day!

God has brought light into my life where there was once darkness. Tristan is that light. He is my little beacon of hope.

Just as 2011 years ago, the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ, brought so much joy, peace and hope to this world, this year I get to not only celebrate Jesus' birthday, but that of my own son, who has brought so much joy, peace and hope into my world.

Tristan's Glowing and Growing

This is going to be a quick post, but I just wanted to show you all some pictures of Tristan from this past week and give you a quick update. His expressions and mannerisms are maturing (already!). He's still pretty mellow, but is now learning (and mastering) the art of crying. The main thing that makes him cry is changing his diaper. He just can't stand it for some reason. But, he does love baths. Place him in warm water and he stops crying immediately. He's showing signs of recognizing our voices and is very content being held. A nighttime routine is pretty much set. He wakes up every 3-1/2 to 4 hours, and we like to get him down between 9:00 and 10:00. So, he's up around 1:00 and 5:00, and is awake for about an hour each time. And, then sweet Ella wakes up before I know it and my day has begun. However, when he charges through a feeding and is tired enough, I can get him back to bed within a half hour. Usually, though, I nurse him on one side, then change his diaper, re-swaddle him and then nurse him on the other side, and after rocking him back to sleep, it takes about an hour. An hour of listening to Aaron snoring in the other room is torture, but I wouldn't trade these special times with my newborn son for anything. Even if it means constantly living in a sleep-deprived state. Thank goodness for Christmas Blend Starbucks Coffee!

Look at that smile! He's going to be such a handsome little man when he grows up.

In just a couple weeks, he's already changing! Becoming more alert, more aware and more personable.

I wonder why he's covering his ears in his sleep? Perhaps it's because of a loud big sister. :)

Baby Weight Almost Gone

I'm almost down to my pre-baby weight. Just 4 more pounds to go! But, this doesn't say much, since I had gained weight during our infertility struggles, so I'm not close to where I was before I gained the "Infertility Fifteen," (if I'm being generous).

My cut is healing well. There is definitely going to be scar tissue, but I had that with my incision from Ella's delivery, so it'll look pretty much the same. I surely feel like I'm healing a lot faster this time around, and I think a big part of that is due to the fact that I wasn't in labor for 30 hours beforehand, with 2-1/2 hours of severe pushing. My body went through so much with Ella's delivery. This time around, the delivery was like a scheduled surgery.

And with my cut healing well, I'm feeling the urge to get out and be more active. I'm able to walk faster now, which sounds ridiculous, but it feels good to not be waddling my big pregnant belly around or walking softly due to my tender incision line. I'm looking forward to power walks (and eventually jogs) with Tristan in his jogging stroller. And, "Santa" is bringing Ella a brand new bike for Christmas, so I'm sure she'll enjoy tagging along for these walks as well.

As a way to hold myself accountable on my upcoming weight loss journey, for Christmas I have asked my parents to pay for my enrollment with WeightWatchers. If I have people aware of my commitment, I will have more ways to be held accountable. I really want to lose this extra weight. As Tristan gets older, he's going to require a mom that can keep up with him, and I just know he's going to be a rambunctious handful.

I don't have a particular weight loss goal in mind. I just want to get to where I was, both with my self-esteem and with my energy level. Infertility consumed me. It sucked so much life out of me. And, now that I have "defeated" infertility (I say that with quotes because I think infertility will always leave a scar in my life), I want to find myself again. Get myself back, physically. Mentally and emotionally, I can tell I'm better. The darkness has left and I am happy again. And, goodness, it feels good to feel that joy deep down in my soul again.

Physically, I'm not where I want to be, though.

But, I'm determined to get there!

Motherhood is a Special Task

QUESTION:

More than anything in the world I want to be a good mom to my kids. How can I be the mom God wants me to be?

ANSWER FROM MAX LUCADO:

The virgin birth is more, much more, than a Christmas story. It is a picture of how close Christ will come to you, a mom, as you also bring a child into the world.

Imagine yourself in that story found in Luke 1.

God comes to you and says, “I have a special task for you. A child. A special child that I want to entrust to you. Are you willing to raise this one?”

You stammer, take a breath. “This sounds scary.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll be there with you. This child is special to me. He will be a great child.”

You shake your head. “Such an awesome responsibility. I don’t know if I can do it.”

“Nothing is impossible with me.”

You smile. “I am your servant. I’ll do it.”

Do we think only one child received God’s special attention? Sure, only one was his Son, and an angel sent out those special birth announcements, accompanied by an angelic choir singing “Happy Birthday.” Of course God pulled out all the stops for Jesus’ birth.

But children aren’t randomly born to parents. God orchestrates the right children to be born to the right parents.

Being the mom God wants you to be starts with the understanding of how important your job is in God’s eyes. He entrusts you with one of his own children. He chose you out of all the moms in the world for this one child.

Remember, you, too, are highly favored by God himself to receive such a special gift.

Nursery is Done-zo!

The final detail - the prints for Tristan's nursery - have come in. (Remember this post?). Katie had to wait until after Tristan was born to finalize the print with the date and time, and I have to say, they turned out wonderfully. They look just perfect in Tristan's nursery. :)

Take a look for yourself!

I couldn't be happier with this final touch in the nursery. The room is now complete. It's warm, boyish and filled with so much love.

Getting to Know My Son

Tristan is already 12 days old. I can't believe it! Most of my days (and nights) have been spent getting to know my son. Getting to know what ticks him off and what makes him happy. What position it likes to be held in, what makes him fall asleep, his signs for when he's hungry and for when he's full and what his noises mean. It's amazing to see his little personality emerge. He is a very, very mellow baby. Laid back like Daddy, which is good, because Ella's "high maintenance" personality (which she clearly got from Mommy) began to show right away. God knew I needed a mellow son, and Tristan is just that. :)

He cries when we put him in the car seat (only sometimes), but the tears quickly pass once he's in the car and we start driving. He quickly calms down once the car begins rolling. He's a good little boy in the car. And, I cannot tell you enough how much Ella loves having somebody sitting in the backseat with her. I'll always remember the first time she rode in the back with him. "Tristan gets to sit in the back with ME???" Pure happiness.

The only other time he really cries (and, again, it's only sometimes) is when we change his diaper or clothes. If he's awake and not hungry, changing him is easy pie, but when I change his diaper in the middle of the night or as a means to wake him up to feed him, he isn't having it. I'm honestly very surprised (and very pleased!) that Ella sleeps through her brother's screaming. She has a noise machine in her room, so I really think that's the magic tool. The possibility of Tristan waking Ella up was a concern of ours, but it's not even an issue.

Tristan doesn't cry when he's hungry or wanting to be held. He just does this cute grunt thing. It's so sweet. He just grunts, over and over again. So, needless to say, because my husband is the deepest sleeper in the world, he doesn't get woken up by Tristan during the night. Luckily, I am a very light sleeper (well, not lucky for me!), so I hear Tristan in the middle of the night just fine.

Right now, Tristan is sleeping decently at night. We wake him up around 10:00 to feed him before we go to bed. He's usually asleep by 11:00. He then wakes up between 3:00 and 4:00 with a big ol' slammer (as we like to call it), and is up for a good hour to 1-1/2 hours. He nurses so slowly in the middle of the night. He eats for about 45 minutes. I've tried to cut it shorter, but then it's nearly impossible to rock him to sleep. His stomach needs to be fully content.

He then sleeps until 7:00 / 8:00, which is when Ella wakes up, so it's working out pretty nicely. He wakes up very hungry, so again, I nurse for awhile. Right now, Aaron is home with me, so he is a huge help in the morning with Ella. I can't imagine what it'll be like once he's working. Yikes!

However, when Aaron and I decide to go to bed earlier, Tristan wakes up twice in the middle of the night, and getting him back to sleep the second time serves to be very difficult. He's pretty much up for the day, but I just cannot get myself to start my day at 5:00 in the morning, so I nurse him and pray he goes back to sleep. It can go either way.

Tristan is most alert in the morning. He's fully awake, looking around, and very content. He sleeps through most of the afternoon and then is alert again during the evening.

Tristan loves his swing (which was Ella's swing), so whenever I need a free moment from holding him, I know the swing will give me that moment. He can't stay in there too long, though. He does start to grunt, which eventually turns into a cry if ignored for too long.

Tristan dropped down to 7 pounds, 2 ounces at four days after his birth, but is now back up to 7 pounds, 14 ounces (so he's gained an ounce since birth). He looks longer, though, and his hair looks to be getting thicker. No question about it...he has Daddy and Ella's hair color. Who would've thought my dark hair wouldn't be dominant for both kids? My brown eyes are, though, and I think he's going to have beautiful brown eyes like big sister. Right now they are dark gray, which is how Ella's eyes started out before they turned brown.

Everybody keeps commenting on how strong Tristan is. His grip is amazingly tight and pulling his arms away from where he wants them is really hard. In fact, he is already really good at holding his head up. His doctors and all the nurses commented on his strength, along with how much he looks like Daddy. Tristan's arms are seriously bigger than his legs. I have a feeling he's going to have a strong build like Daddy. He's gonna be a beast, as Aaron likes to think. After all, Aaron did give him the nickname Tank. :)

And last but not least, this baby boy loves, loves, loves to be held. He sleeps so soundly in our arms and then wakes up when put down, even in the most plush, warm spot. As you can imagine, this is somewhat frustrating during his nighttime feedings. I think he's sound asleep, but he has me fooled.

I love getting to know my son. He's such an amazing little man. He is just perfect. :)

Re-Admitted to the Hospital

When Tristan was discharged from the hospital on December 4th, his bilirubin level was at 6. No sign of jaundice in sight. Two days later, at his appointment with his pediatrician, his level had climbed to an unhealthy 19! Not good. :(

I was instructed to supplemental my breast milk with formula and have Tristan lay in the sun as much as possible. Formula helps the bile be expelled from the body, since it makes the baby poop more. And sun contains Vitamin D, which the baby's body needs.

So, we did just that, but the following day, his bilirubin level increased slightly to 19.5. We then followed the same protocol, but this time was instructed to completely eliminate breast milk and just feed Tristan formula. I guess breast fed babies are more likely to get jaundice, and the breast milk was also keeping the jaundice from going away.

But, unfortunately, the next day his level climbed to 20.5, with 21 being the minimum level before having to be admitted to the hospital.

Because he was so close to reaching that level the morning of December 8th, his pediatrician had him do another test that afternoon, which showed that his bilirubin increased to 21.7.

We knew what that meant...pack our bags, we're going to the hospital! :(

Once we got to the hospital Thursday evening, additional blood work was done on Tristan and it revealed that his numbers climbed even more to 22.8 in just a few short hours. I was very thankful to be at the hospital and getting him treatment.

He stayed at the hospital two nights. I stayed with Tristan the first night, Aaron the second. We were given a private room, which was really nice.

The first night was so awful. Tristan and I literally got an hour of sleep. Not even joking! He kept tossing and turning, grunting and fussing, crying and crying. He was so used to being swaddled and in the comfort of our home, and being naked and fully exposed with no blankets was just too uncomfortable for him.

Perhaps the worst part was because Tristan was so dehydrated (which is a symptom of this disease), it took three nurses over two hours to finally get the IV in. Poor little guy has bruises and blood spots all over his arms, hands, legs and feet from this, and his multiple blood draws. Breaks my heart.

See that large cast? That's his IV. :( There is serious protection around that IV so that a baby can't yank it out.

So, I stayed up with him, trying to comfort him. He would turn his head to my voice. I laid my hand under his head to help him feel some love and security. I pat his belly. I did everything in my power to help him out, without being able to hold him, nurse him or soothe him. I was also constantly fixing his goggles so that the rays wouldn't blind him. That was hard because every time he moved his head, they would slide.

Doesn't he look absolutely miserable? Poor baby. :(

After twelve hours of being under the ultraviolet lights and on an IV to keep him hydrated, his levels dropped to 12.3! His doctor said to expect levels around 16 or 17 after the first twelve hours, so he was really surprised his numbers dropped so drastically. He hardly ever sees that. Tristan's a champ, that's why! And, the power of prayer is real and awesome! Praise God!

The doctor ordered for him to stay under the lights for another twelve hours, though. Poor little guy. 24 hours straight with no Mommy or Daddy lovin', no cuddles and no "love love" (as I like to call it). His numbers dropped to 8.4 by Friday night.

Tristan had to stay an additional twelve hours, but this time with comfort. The ultraviolet lights switched off, clothes and blankets came on and Tristan got to sleep soundly and swaddled with Daddy by his side. Ella and I went home, and you better believe I enjoyed that solid night's sleep after being up all night the night before.

Ella was so happy when she finally got to hold Tristan. Ella's proud, joyful smile is worth a thousand words in this picture.

Tristan was discharged Saturday morning with a bilirubin level of 7.5!

Tristan is doing really well now. His energy is back and is way more alert (well, alert for a newborn, that is). His skin tone is healthy, no more orange/yellow look to it. The whites of his eyes are white, and not yellow. And, he just seems so much happier and lively. So good to have my son back!

Here It Is - Tristan's Birth Story!

I finally have the energy to sit down and type out Tristan's birth story. It's been a tiring, but amazing, six days since Tristan was brought into our lives. And I hope to use this post as a way to bundle all my memories and emotions from December 2, 2011 into one spot, so that I can read back on it from time to time and smile, cry and get goosebumps.

December 2, 2011:

Aaron and I dropped Ella off at school at 11:15, and I couldn't help but hold back tears when saying goodbye, knowing that was going to be the last time I hug her with Tristan inside of me. The last time I would hug her as only her mom. Being pregnant has made me so sensitive and aware of who Ella is. It made me realize just how beautiful and wonderful and significant that little girl is. It brought me closer to her.

Afterwards, Aaron and I then headed home to relax, as best as we could, while thinking about what was yet to come. We did some last minute tidying around the house so that we'd come home to a nice, clean home (or perhaps it was just to keep busy so time would pass quickly?). The house has since been trashed with blankets, bibs, Ella's toys, our pug's toys, Ella's school paperwork, hospital paperwork and lots and lots of laundry piles (both clean and dirty).

Once 1:15 rolled around, we made the half-hour drive over to the hospital and checked in. I was feeling anxious and nervous, which was clearly reflected through my high blood pressure. Yikes! We waited for a couple hours in the pre-op room, just going over stuff with my labor and delivery nurse, running tests, signing tons of paperwork...you know, normal stuff before a surgery.

But, get this! While laying there, I started noticing my contractions were getting fairly consistent and more severe. Not so severe that I couldn't hold a conversation during them, but definitely enough for me to think, "Hmmmm...something is definitely going on. These are starting to feel like when I first went into labor with Ella." Sure enough, the baby's heart beat and my contractions were being monitored by a machine and after the nurse took a glance at the machine's printout, she asked, "Have you been feeling those contractions? They are every 2 to 3 minutes!"

I was so happy to hear this! Knowing my body was going into labor just a couple hours before my scheduled c-section made me so happy. It made me realize that Tristan was ready! My body was naturally getting ready for my baby boy to arrive. Tristan was going to be born that day (or day after), regardless of the c-section. I never liked that I was going to have Tristan before he "told" me he was ready, but through those contractions and signs that labor was beginning, he let me know. :)

4:00 rolled around faster than we thought it would. Before we knew it, Aaron was in his cute daddy scrubs and I was being rolled into the operating room. Aaron had to stay behind while they prepped me in the OR. I didn't want to leave him. :(

And, hands down, this goes down as one of the worst/scariest moments of my life.

The spinal!

Every possible reaction a person can have to the spinal, I had. Once the numbing medicine was injected into my spine, I immediately began feeling absolutely awful. My heart rate raced up to 140 bpm. I was sweating in the frigid cold room. I was having a panic attack. My anxiety went through the roof. I was dry-heaving with nothing to throw up. I was crying. I felt the incredible need to move my body, but couldn't. I was scared. The anesthesiologist warned me these symptoms might occur, but I had every single one. I remember constantly crying out, asking if Aaron could come in, but he couldn't. They still had to prep my stomach area for the big incision. I couldn't be comforted, I couldn't calm down. I felt out-of-control and so so scared.

I don't know how long I felt so awful, but it did pass. My blood pressure, breathing and heart rate went back to normal and I felt calm. I was still emotional and crying quite a bit, but I all the other symptoms subsided. Thank God! I really thought Tristan was going to be brought into the world with me feeling like that.

Once Aaron came into the room and I saw his kind eyes, I felt better. He knew I was having a rough time. He just put his head down to mine and told me everything was going to be okay. He was all the comfort I needed to know I was fine.

A couple minutes after Aaron arrived, they began. I think it took about 10 minutes for them to get Tristan out of there. Maybe a little more. Maybe a little less. I felt a ton of pressure and tugging. They were moving me back and forth, up and down. I didn't feel a thing. I just knew they were doing some serious work behind that big, blue blanket. Aaron was able to stand up and look over the blanket to watch Tristan be born. He took pictures of him being taken out of me (pictures that I will not be sharing with any of you, don't worry!). I remember when they saw the top of Tristan's head and announced, "He's bald!" That made me smile. I was hoping the little guy would be bald. And, soon after that, I heard his first, gurgled little cry. Oh, that cry! I hope to remember that sound forever.

4:56 p.m.

The doctor then proceeded to stitch and staple me back up while Tristan was cleaned up in the corner of the room. Aaron didn't want to leave me, but was so excited to meet his son. So, he went and watched Tristan. They announced his weight first, 7 pounds 13 ounces. Then his length, 19-3/4 inches. He really didn't cry much in the OR during this time. I'd hear a big cry every now and again, but for the most part, he was pretty quiet.

After maybe 10 minutes passed, Aaron got to bring Tristan over to me. The first thing I said was, "He looks exactly like you, Aaron!" I then gave him a quick kiss on his forehead and off the two of them went into the nursery for monitoring, bathing and vital checks.

Babies crying when they are first born is a GOOD thing. It helps them discard all the fluid in their lungs and adjust to breathing in air. Tristan was showing signs that his adjustment to this new world wasn't coming that naturally for him. I later learned that babies born via c-section sometimes have a harder time because they are not squeezed through the birth canal, which helps them expel any extra fluid in their lungs. And, with Tristan not being that big of a crier, it made the adjustment even more difficult.

So, his oxygen saturation level had to be tested. He was put on a machine. It showed that he was receiving 100% oxygen. He was consistently grunting, though, which was a sign that he was still having trouble breathing. The grunting lasted through the first night, but by the following morning, it was gone. Thank goodness!

And, because he had to have his oxygen intake tested, I didn't get to hold my little man for a couple hours after he was born. I tell ya, that was the longest wait ever!

After I was all closed up, I was wheeled into the recovery room, where I stayed for about an hour. My vital signs were good, but I was still feel really sick from the anesthesia. I can't even tell you how many times I threw up my ice chips and water. Probably a total of 20 times that night. I felt so dehydrated and yucky. It was miserable.

After my vitals proved to be okay and not require close nurse supervision, I was wheeled into my private room. At this time, the mom is allowed to press a button in the hallway that plays a birthday song throughout the entire hospital, to let everyone know a baby has been born. I was so adamant that Ella had to do that. In fact, soon after I got to the hospital, I asked about this button and told the nurse we absolutely could not forget. So, as I was wheeled right past the button, my dad and Ella pressed the button together. I got to hear the song play over the speakers, while throwing up all over myself. It was the happiest, most icky moment. :)

Once wheeled into my private room, Tristan was finally brought to me. The moment I had been dreaming about for so long had finally arrived! I got to hold my son! I was sooooo happy, but also still feeling pretty nasty. My parents and Ella then left, and I got to nurse Tristan, and then finally rest with my baby boy in my arms.

Tristan was difficult to nurse at first, but once he latched on and figured things out, he was great! I called him my little champ. He's been a little champ every since.

We stayed at the hospital for a little over 48 hours after Tristan was born. I was determined to go home! And, when this gal wants something, this gal does everything in her power to get it! Technically, I suppose I should've stayed one more day, but I wanted to get home to my other child. I wanted to sleep comfortably (well, as comfortably as I can with a huge incision in my lower stomach) in the privacy of my own bed, without tubes being attached to me through IV or without that darn catheter. My doctor at first told me I'd be staying until Monday, Tuesday at the latest. But, when he saw me on Saturday and I made the plea to go home the following day, he told me as long as I could pee on my own, I could. I was ecstatic! I was even more ecstatic when I finally peed on my own! My body was under a lot of constraint, so that was a happy moment when things were starting to work as they should. Ah, it's the little things in life...like being able to pee. LOL!

So, I guess that pretty much sums up Tristan's birth story. It doesn't all sound very glorious, and trust me, it wasn't. But, at the end of the day, I was holding a healthy, beautiful baby boy, so how could this day not go down as anything but one of the best days of my life. :)

Tristan is Here!

You all are going to have to wait for the "birth story" post, but for now, I will leave you with a couple pictures of our beautiful son.

Tristan Nathaniel Johnson was born on Friday, December 2nd, at 4:56 p.m. He weighed 7 pounds, 13 ounces, and was 19-3/4 inches long. (Shorter and heavier than Ella at birth, who weighed 7 pounds, 8 ounces, and was 20-1/2 inches long). He has peach fuzz hair that is light brown / dark blonde in color. His eyes are either dark blue or gray. We can't tell yet. Overall, his temperament is extremely laid back and mellow. He doesn't cry much. He coos and makes a ton of fun noises, though, which just melt my heart. He is most alert / active in the morning. He loves to be held and begins waking up most times we put him down, so we have to make sure he's really asleep. In short, he is our perfect baby boy, and is fitting perfectly into our little family. We are immeasurably blessed.

Nothing like the first sound of your baby crying. I couldn't see him, but when I heard him, I just cried.

Checking vitals.

Breathing in air for the first time, crying it all in. What a big mouth!

My parents and little Ella watching Tristan get cleaned up in the nursery. It was an emotional day for all of us. :)

Ella's look is so priceless. Such love. Such adoration. Such devotion. She is such a proud big sister.

Finally getting a bit of rest after all the cleaning.

Excited Ella!

As you can see on his face, Tristan had icky "baby acne" when born, which has slowly gone away. It's very common since the baby's skin is in liquid for so long. He looks so comfortable in this picture, enjoying the extra space to stretch and relax. :)

Because Tristan initially had trouble taking in oxygen, his oxygen saturation level had to be tested. So, I didn't get to hold and love on my baby boy until over 2 hours had passed. It was so hard! Usually the mom gets to hold her baby in recovery, but not me. I just waited and waited. I wanted to see and hold him so bad! I had only seen him for a couple seconds when Aaron brought him over to me while I was being closed up, and I just remember looking at his face and saying, "He looks exactly like you." It's funny because so many of the nurses said the same thing. He really is a spitting image of his Daddy. :)

This is a picture of one of my first moments with my son. My little love.

Face of an angel.

Cheeks so rosy and full of color, very healthy.

Babies always sleep in the silliest positions. Here, Tristan is doing the dead dog pose. :)

Proud daddy. You can just see the happiness in his eyes.

Already showing off his guns.

To which Daddy then had to show off his guns. :)

So ready to go home. We were discharged at 5:00 p.m. on Sunday, 49 hours after Tristan was born. It was so good to finally get home and be with Ella and officially begin our new life as a family of four.

Thinking about something serious. Either that, or pooping. :)