Free From Shots

Free from shots! Free from shots! Thank God Almighty! I'm free from shots! :)

I had my P4 (progesterone) blood level taken last Thursday and got the call on Friday saying my progesterone level is "really good" (I didn't get an exact number this time), and that I no longer need to do the PIO injections.

I think at that point I started dancing around! I was soooooo happy to hear that news!

I am also done taking Estradiol for estrogen. My E2 level had come back just fine last week, so I was instructed to ween my body off that medicine by taking one tablet this past week.

For now, I am instructed to stay on Prometrium vaginal inserts twice a day for another week, but by next Friday, I will be free and clear of all medication!

The placenta is now producing the progesterone the baby needs to survive. I no longer need to artificially pump by body. Oh, such joy that brings me!

My backside is already healing. The huge welts are going down. My hair is starting to not smell like oily progesterone anymore.

Ah, life is good!

Here are pictures of the combined hypodermic needles for my unsuccessful IVF cycle in December and my successful FET cycle in March.

Goodbye, needles! I hope to never ever have to stab myself (or have Nurse Aaron stab me) ever again!

My Big Overlook with PIO

Yesterday marked the first day of my progesterone treatment. On top of the infamous PIO shot (click HERE to re-witness this shot!), I also have vaginal inserts to insert up my you-know-what twice a day. Fun stuff.

The inserts were pretty uneventful, but the shot! Oh man! Maybe it's because I haven't done any shots this cycle like last time (with the smaller Lurpon. Follistim and Menopur shots) to lead up to this bad boy, but the first go-in wasn't fun.

Aaron prepped the needle and sucked up 50mg of the Progesterone in Oil, I iced myself, we did the deed and both let out a sigh of relief thinking we were done for the night!

Well, and this is very embarrassing to admit, I was looking through my paperwork again while Aaron was rubbing the injection site and it read "50 mg = 1 cc." It took a second for me to realize that I told Aaron to fill up the syringe 1/2 cc.

In my confused little mind, I thought 1/2 cc = 50 mg because I thought 1cc = 100 mg.

So yes, you know what this means. Aaron had to give me another shot of 1/2 cc of PIO to equal the full prescribed 50 mg amount. I seriously wanted to cry. For Aaron's safety, thankfully it was my overlook and not his. (Just kidding, but seriously!)

I'm glad I caught that, though, because I could've easily gone the whole week only injecting myself with 1/2 cc (25 mg) of PIO, which clearly would not have been enough progesterone to hold a viable pregnancy.

Big overlook, but thankfully I caught it! Hopefully I'm not unknowingly messing up my other dosages. :)

Bittersweet Injection

Aaron just injected me with my nightly 1cc dose of Progesterone.

Even though I loathe these injections, this one was bittersweet. It could be my last one.

If we find out tomorrow that IVF didn't work, I will be told to stop taking my daily dosage of Estrace and stop with my PIO injections.

If we find out we are pregnant(!!!), I continue the PIO injections for another few weeks.

Hey! I'd do injections every night for nine full months if it meant a healthy pregnancy and baby.

On another note, shortly after I wrote my previous depressing blog post, I went to the bathroom. Exciting stuff, huh? And guess what I saw.

Blood. :(

I immediately freaked out (quietly, to myself), but found that only the small nickel-sized spot of blood was all there was. It was bright red and could not be missed. I thought for sure it was the beginning of my period, but usually my periods don't start out like that. At all.

But, then again, I've never started my period while taking PIO injections.

The spot was scant, not heavy and nothing I've seen before in any of my previous natural cycles. So...could this be good?

I consulted Dr. Google to see what he had to say on spotting (if you an even call it that when it's just one spot) at 8dp5dt and it seems to be a "normal" symptom for women going through a medicated IVF cycle.

Oh, gosh, this just adds to the anxiety I'm already experiencing.

Please, God, help me get through tonight and tomorrow. Help me find peace as Your plan for this IVF cycle is revealed to me. Amen.

New Routine

I'm thankful to be done with the stimulation injections. Now, I just have to remember to take all my pills. However, I still have the Progesterone injection to deal with. Yikes!

I had my first one last night and it really wasn't that bad at all for me. Aaron had such a hard time, though. He was shaking afterwards! But, I just iced the target on the back of my upper hip, took the weight off that side of my body, hunched over and prayed. The ice really did numb up the area that I practically felt the needle go in. Aaron, on the other hand, was a wreck, but I know he'll get better as time continues.

After Aaron pierces my skin, he has to withdraw the syringe a little to see if blood flows in. If so, that means he hit a blood vessel and he has to stab me in a new spot. If no blood, then we're in the clear and he can inject the medicine. Fun, right?

My side is really sore this morning, but I was told to expect that.

After prepping the Progesterone shot, Aaron immediately wanted to climb under a rock. I really don't know what's worse - giving or receiving the shot. I think I'd have a hard time sticking that big of needle into somebody! Aaron's been such a trooper, though! :)

Oh my word, no wonder I'm sore!

Look at all those needles I've used. I was given a special container to dispose the used needles in. It sure is filling up quickly.

Last, but surely not any less important, are all the pills I'm popping now. Thank goodness RSC provided a graph as to when to take what because otherwise it'd be very easy to mess up. :)

That's it for now. My doctor called with our fertilization report in the middle of writing this blog post, but I will share the results with you in my next post. :)

Day of Conception

Today is officially the day Aaron and I "conceive." Today Aaron's sperm penetrate my eggs (through ICSI) and conception occurs. As I type this, the embryologists are in the lab creating this union and monitoring for fertilization.

Instead of my egg being released naturally through ovulation and Aaron's sperm naturally finding the awaiting oocyte, the doctors and embryologists are taking care of all that in the lab. It's like a baby-making factory! Fertilization is occurring TODAY! Right this second, in fact! That makes me so excited! :)

There was an embryologist assistant in the operation room who, literally, took the eggs as they were retrieved, much like how a nurse is there waiting for the baby as he/she is delivered. Of course, I don't remember any of the retrieval. I just remember my nurse introducing me to everyone in the room who would be having a part in the procedure. After the introductions, I felt the anesthesia taking effect and before I knew it, 30 minutes had passed and I was back in the recovery area confused, emotional and incoherent.

I was told I was babbling in my sleep throughout the entire retrieval. I hope I didn't say anything bad! LOL!!!

After retrieval, I cried a lot and asked the same questions over and over again. Aaron just held my hand and helped me through such a vulnerable state. It didn't take long for me to regain my coherency and once the nurse felt I was at a point to be able to retain and understand information, she had Dr. Weckstein come in with the results.

Prior to the procedure, he told me he was hoping to retrieve 10 to 12 eggs, because if you remember, only 8 of my eggs were mature at my last sonogram a couple days ago.

Well, 19 eggs were retrieved!!! WOO HOO!!! :)

Dr. Weckstein told me that with that amount retrieved, he can almost guarantee a 5-day blastocyst transfer (which has proven to have better success rates than 3-day transfers). He also said, verbatim, "You have the highest chance of success that I can give anybody."

I'll take it!

Today, I will start a new routine of medication. Dr. Weckstein wants me to take:

• 16mg of Medrol;
• 100mg of Doxycycline (twice a day);
• 2mg of Estrace (twice a day);
• 81mg of Aspirin and Prenatal Vitamin; and
• The dreaded Progesterone injection.

The nurse drew targets on each of my hips where Aaron has to inject me with the massive Progesterone needle. Or, he can pretend the needle is a dart and throw it at the target. :)

This needle is the mother of all needles. All my prior injections are a piece of cake compared to this monstrosity. And, to top it off, it takes a good 15 to 20 seconds to inject all of the medicine. NOT looking forward to this night after night, but it's a small price to pay for the end product.

Egg Retrieval Postponed

Well, it looks like my egg retrieval will not be on Thursday. After today's sonogram and blood work, Dr. Weckstein is thinking Friday will be the day, but he's even possibly considering Saturday at this point!

Today's sonogram revealed two more follicles. Of those few follicles that were too small to measure yesterday, a couple of them grew overnight. Yay!

I still have 12 follicles on my winning (right) side, with a few having already reached 18mm, 19mm and even 20mm, but with most being 16mm or below.

I now have 11 follicles (up from 9 at yesterday's sonogram) on my left side. I have one follicle that was mature, but most measured as immature, with some even being as small as 8mm to 10mm. This is, by far, my less impressive ovary.

Because I only have a handful of follicles that are mature today, Dr. Weckstein thinks I need another day (at least) of injections. Yesterday he said he'd likely have to tinker with the dosages because of my estrogen level, but I guess he's not too concerned anymore because he prescribed me the same dosage for tonight's shots.

My estrogen level jumped from 1,787 yesterday to 2,789 today!!! That's a huge (and good) increase. It shows that my body is really responding to the stimulation injections and that my ovaries are hard at work.

The blood estradiol measurement is a reflection of the amount and size of the follicles, so obviously my stimulated ovaries are very, very busy! Generally, an estradiol level anywhere between 1,000 and 5,000 is good at the time of the egg retrieval, and it varies for each woman's body and her follicular growth.

To give you perspective, if you remember my baseline sonogram / E2 blood test before I started my stimulation injections, Lupron had suppressed my ovaries and dropped my estradiol level to 32. So yeah, 2,789 is a very big increase, to say the least.

Lots of crazy transformations going on in my body right now, and I'm just along for the ride. :)

On another note, Dr. Weckstein rocks! Why, you might ask, other than the fact that he's going to give me a baby? Well, let me share with you. :)

I am completely out of Menopur! Last night was day 10 of injections, and only 10 days' worth of injections was ordered for me. Luckily, the Follistim vials all had extra, and after the nurse combined it all into one vial, I have 625 IU leftover. More than enough!

But, I am fresh out of Menopur. Not a single speck of powder is left. When Dr. Weckstein asked me during yesterday's phone conversation if I had enough for an extra night and when I told him I didn't, he offered an extra night's supply to me FOR FREE! That saves us at least $70! Isn't that the nicest gesture? Now, if he makes me pregnant, I seriously think I'll love him. Like, the real thing. Hopefully Aaron won't mind sharing my heart with another man. (Just kidding, honey, you're my one and only!). :)

So, if you have a calendar in front of you, you will be able to see that two weeks from Friday is Christmas Eve. Which then means, two weeks from Saturday is Christmas Day. Now, I'm not telling you this to bring to your attention that the clock is ticking and there are only a couple more weeks to get all your shopping done. I'm telling you this because it means that my blood test...you know, the blood test to determine if I'm pregnant...will either be done on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day!

This could be amazing timing, all a part of God's beautiful plan for Him revealing to us that we're pregnant. Or, it could be absolutely awful timing, also a part of God's beautiful plan, because He knows how badly I would need His comforting embrace during that time.

Of course, I'm praying with all my heart for the former situation to play out. God hears my prayers. He knows my heart. I just have to confidently allow Him to control what is His. My future child(ren)'s lives are in His hands.

Over Two Dozen Eggs

Today's sonogram revealed even more follicles!

I have 12 follicles on my right side (up from 11 at my last sonogram) and 9 follicles on my left side (up from 7 at my last sonogram). However, the ultrasound tech saw at least 4 follicles that were on the smaller end, like 8mm, that she didn't count.

So, she told me I have 21 follicles, not including those smaller ones, in total. Her words, "You've got at least a couple dozen eggs in there."

Woo hoo!!! :)

I need two of these bad boys to hold all my eggs! LOL!

Photo courtesy of Goggle Images.

However, of all those follicles, only 3 were mature. Meaning, only 3 of them were 16mm or bigger and would be ready for retrieval. Most of the follicles were 12mm to 15mm, almost to the point of maturity, but not quite there yet. And, if you remember, Dr. Weckstein wants a majority of my eggs 18mm or bigger.

My follicles looked somewhat like this picture depicts. Most have tripled in size since my first monitoring sonogram.

Photo courtesy of Google Images.

And, since I've been giving analogies comparing the size of my follicles on the screen to food (first, to chocolate M&Ms, then to peanut M&Ms), I figured I'd continue with that. :)

I will tell you that now, I have a vineyard in my ovaries. That's right! I've got clusters of grape-sized follicles ready for pickin' and baby-makin'.

Photo courtesy of Google Images.

So, where does that leave me?

In limbo!

I have another sonogram scheduled tomorrow morning, and Dr. Weckstein said he will decide on when to do the egg retrieval (either Thursday or Friday) based on the what he sees then.

He reassured me that "everything looks absolutely perfect." Ah, music to my ears!

He said my estrogen levels are really high, which is where he wants them to be, but that if he decides to delay the egg retrieval by a day, he doesn't really want to see it climb too much higher, so he would have to tinker with my dosage amounts.

In the meantime, he wants to keep me at the same dosages - 5 IU of Lupron, 150 IU of Follistm and 75 IU of Menopur - for tonight's injections. I was really hoping tonight would be the last time I see those shots, and it very well might be, but I won't know until tomorrow.

More waiting! I have to get used to this waiting game, though, because after the egg retrieval, it's a waiting game to find out the fertilization report, then to find out if I will have a Day 3 or Day 5 Transfer, and then the infamous two-week wait to find out if I'm pregnant.

But, as my mom has been kindly reminding me, "Take each day as it comes."

So, today, I am happy with the results. I have growing follicles and estrogen level, which is exactly where I need to be today. Tomorrow will hold it's own worries / successes / news, and until tomorrow comes, I will only focus on today. Sound advice that only a mom can give. :)

I'm A Lean, Mean, Fighting Machine

Wait, that's not right.

It's more like, I'm a not-so-lean, but very mean, follicle-growing machine! Yeah, that's more like it. I'm an uncomfortably bloated, incredibly irrational, overly emotional, baby driven machine solely running on hope.

My sonogram and blood work went well today! I'm thankful Aaron got to make the drive with me because it was raining, and if you remember my tense driving conditions, it's a good thing he drove me there. :)

I'm also glad he was able to go because he was able to catch a glimpse into this baby-making process. This will be the only sonogram he'll be able to make it to. The first (and only) peek of my growing follicles, but hey, now he knows that when I say I'm feeling bloated and crampy, I mean it!

I also can't tell you how reassuring it is to see the injections are working. Even though we're overly cautious when measuring the dosages and strategically alternating where to stab me, we can't help but wonder if we're doing it right. We aren't nurses, and we surely aren't doctors!

Luckily, we are doing the injections correctly and my body is responding wonderfully to the medicine! Woo hoo!!!

And now, I have 4 more follicles to show for it...18 in all! :)

I have 11 follicles on my right side (up from 8 at my last sonogram), with the leading one being sized at 13mm. And, I have 7 follicles on my left side (up from 6). Most follicles are ranging from 9 to 12mm.

When watching the ultrasound tech carefully measure each follicle, talking to me about what she sees, my mind can't help but wander. I start thinking that one or two of those now bigger black M&Ms (they are now peanut sized, instead of regular chocolate!) are the follicles that hold the egg(s) that will soon be retrieved that will fertilize with one or two of Aaron's 1% of normal shaped, healthy sperm that will create the embryo(s) that will become our family.

When I look at the sonogram screen, my mind can't help but wander to the fact that I'm witnessing the beginning of a miracle. I'm observing the first steps of our growing family, steps that are never usually seen that happen naturally in women's bodies everyday, but steps that I get the privilege of watching progress with each appointment.

As for my next sonogram, it is scheduled for Monday morning. Because my estrodial level is increasing in my blood (I didn't get the actual number from the nurse, but she says it's spot on) and my follicles are getting bigger, I have to be more closely monitored.

Dr. Weckstein believes we will see that my 13mm follicle will reach maturity by Monday's sonogram. In order to reach maturity, the follicle has to be at least 16mm in size. However, we are going to have to wait for the rest of the gang to catch up, so even though that one would be ready for retrieval, the rest of my follies need to grow a little bit more.

The nurse also explained that I will be having my pre-op appointment on Monday for the egg retrieval. Yikes! She said there is a good chance that I will see the last of my stimulation injections Monday night. Can I get a HALLELUJAH!?!? Then, Tuesday night, Aaron would give me the trigger shot to prepare my body for the egg retrieval, which would then be scheduled first thing Thursday morning.

Of course, there is a chance that I will need one more night of stimulation injections, postponing everything by a day. Either way, we will be retrieving the eggs this coming week and those eggs will be fertilized, through ICSI, with Aaron's sperm and we will be that much closer to being pregnant. :)

So, needless to say, my body is absorbing the medicine just as it should, which is why Dr. Weckstein wants me to remain on the same dosage of 75 IU Menopur and 150 IU Follistim. Here's to adding to my already bruised lower abdomen! :)

I've Got Growing Follies!

I had my first (of many) monitoring sonograms this morning. The drive wasn't too bad. I just put on K-Love and went into defense driving mode in the slow lane. Watch out world, there's a Subaru Tribeca on the freeway with a crazed, hormonal infertile woman behind the wheel! :)

For being the little dare devil driver during my college years in San Diego, I've turned into quite the wimp on freeways now.

So, needless to say, I felt tense the whole way there and back, and quite emotional at times. Whenever I hear "The Revelation Song" by Phillips, Craig & Dean, I seriously ball! And, of course, I heard that song both up and back. I'm such an emotional wreck. Oh, and if I simply begin to think about Aaron and Ella, I get emotional. Okay, here comes the tear-glazed eyes!

These darn medicines are really messing with me, but I guess that was to be expected.

Okay, back to what I initially wanted to write about before I started rambling. :)

I've got follicles! That's right! There are 14 little follies right there in plain sight (courtesy of the sonogram machine). They look like little black M&Ms. The nurse found 8 follicles on my right side, with a bunch in the back that she couldn't measure quite yet, and 6 on the left side. They ranged from 6mm to 11mm, with a majority being 8mm to 9mm.

Here is a picture to give you an idea of what I saw. My follicles were much smaller, but it might help those of you who have never been through IVF understand what's going on. :)

Courtesy of Google Images.

The nurse explained that my next sonogram will be able to reveal more, especially of the little guys hiding in the back. She predicted that my right side will be the winning side, with already having 2 more than my left side and with that huge hidden cluster.

I kept asking if what she sees is good, if the numbers are good, if the stimulation injections are doing what they are supposed to be doing, and she kept reassuring me that everything is normal and NORMAL IS GOOD. She said the size of my follicles are mid-range, just as I would want them to be.

I was then about to ask what most women experience at this stage, to see if they typically have more or less follicles, or if their follicles are bigger or smaller, but then I remembered the negative impact of comparison. So, I stopped myself from asking.

No good would come from me knowing about other women's experiences. If my results are better, my confidence would grow, which is not necessarily a good thing. And, if my results are worse, I'd feel discouraged. I am only going to focus on myself and on my little follies, one or two of which will release the egg(s) that will fertilize with Aaron's sperm and grow inside of me for 9 months! Amen!

Anyway, I received a call back from RSC. Based on my sonogram and blood results, Dr. Weckstein wants me to continue on the same dosage (150 IU of Follitim and 75 IU of Menopur). He likes the way my body is responding to the medication and doesn't see a need to adjust the dosage. That makes me so happy to hear! 

The estrodial level is still relatively low in my blood, which that combined with my small- to mid-sized follicles, means I don't have to go in for another monitoring sonogram until Saturday morning (which is good because I'll be missing a lot of work in the next two weeks). After this next sonogram, the nurse says I'll need to go in every other day at the minimum, and most likely everyday until the trigger shot!

Dr. Weckstein wants my follicles to be 16mm and bigger, with a majority being above 18mm. So, my little guys still have some growing to do (and boy, do I already feel the cramping, bloating and discomfort from the past few days' growths that I can't imagine what it'll be like once they are all full-sized!).

If all goes as planned, my egg retrieval is set for next Thursday, December 9th. :)

Not for the Faint of Heart

Tonight I started my stimulation injections. So, instead of one shot each night, I have three!

My Lupron has dropped to 5 IU, which hopefully will make me a little less neurotically emotional (no joke!) and will also hopefully help with the headaches! Tylenol, even Extra Strength Tylenol, does not help whatsoever. I'm looking forward to a day without a headache, but if daily headaches means a little peanut, then bring on the migraines!

Here's a picture of what I've been injecting myself with the past 10 days.

That little needle used for the Lupron isn't too bad, but it still manages to leave me bruised.

After the Lupron shot, Aaron prepped the 75 IU of Menopur. Menopur comes in powder form, so Aaron has to mix 75 IU of Menopur with 10 mL of Sodium Chlorine.

These are vials with the pre-mixed Menopur and Sodium Chlorine, five of each in each set.

Aaron drawing the 10 mL of Sodium Chlorine...

...and then mixing it with the 75 IU of Menopur.

That is one massive needle, which luckily is not the needle used to inject me with. That one is used to mix the Menopur with Sodium Chlorine.

This is needle used to inject me. During this injection, I was amazed with how much it stung as the medicine slowly entered my body...and I mean, slowly. It seemed to take forever! Luckily, Aaron did a bit of research and knew the Menopur injection would sting, so when I started squeezing his hand (not the one holding the needle!) due to the pain, he reassured me it was normal. What a relief! I likely would've freaked out a bit longer thinking something was wrong.

Next, we moved onto the Follistim injections. Using the Follistim Pen was so easy! 

All we had to do was stick the vial into the pen.

Turn the dial until it clicked to 150 IU.

And, WA LA! All ready! :)

And, last but not least, I have to start taking 81 mg of Aspirin every night as a blood thinner.

Sorry if the pictures of the needles left you feeling uneasy or queasy, but hey...it's my blog, and I thought it'd be nice to share with you all exactly what I go through every night. Definitely not a fun night time routine, but it's only temporary and I will get pregnant as a result! I have to keep telling myself that.

I Dream of Needles

Yesterday's baseline sonogram displayed exactly what needs to be happening at this point in my IVF cycle.

"Your woman parts are boring right now."

Yup, a direct quote from the quirky, dry humored ultrasound tech! :)

Confused, I asked if that was a good thing, and she explained that was a very good thing. The Lupron is doing exactly what it's supposed to be doing - suppressing my ovaries, which means 1) I'm injecting myself correctly (phew!) and 2) my body is responding to the drug just as it's supposed to.

After my sonogram, I went nextdoor to have my blood drawn for my E2 (or estradiol) blood test, which measures the amount of a estradiol hormone in my blood. At this point in my cycle, we want my results to be really low (below 71), and my results came back at 32. Woo hoo!!!

So, because everything is going as planned, my Lupron dosage is remaining the same and my stimulation injections are still set to begin on Saturday.

After my blood test, I had my first acupuncture session. It was an interesting experience and I can't really say it met my expectations (maybe they were a little too high?).

Firstly, the acupuncturist's office is really in San Jose. He has a small (and I mean, teeny tiny!) office at RSC in San Ramon, where he meets with infertile women, like myself, who want acupuncture treatment during their IVF cycles. So, when he asked me to lay down on a table in a room smaller than some people's walk-in closets, I was automatically turned off. The room also had a funky smell. Ew!

Secondly, the acupuncturist has the hardest Chinese accent to understand. He tried to explain things to me, but I could only make out every few words. I was so excited when I understood something, but then would feel so discouraged when he gave a full explanation of something and I didn't catch a single word! I could only say, "What?" so many times before frustrating him and embarrassing myself.

Thirdly, after the acupuncturist strategically placed about 20 needles in me (ranging from my ears and forehead to my hands and arms, then down to my legs and feet, with a few in my stomach too) all I could hear is Ella! No, not in my head! I literally heard her! My mom and Ella were in the waiting area, and the closet room I was laying in shared a wall where the two of them were sitting and not-so-quietly talking.

So, while laying there, meditating, praying, focusing on my breathing (and not on the needles!), all I can hear is Ella. Oh my sweet daughter! You are so loud! :)

In any case, it wasn't hearing Ella that turned me off from the whole experience. I guess I was hoping for some magical experience where I would walk away completely relaxed and uplifted. Maybe my expectations were too high? Maybe I'm not the type of person that will benefit from acupuncture? I don't know.

Anyway, I'm thinking I'll give it one more shot. Each session is costing me $60 (after insurance), though, so it's hard to knowingly drop another $60 when my first session was such a turn off, but I think I owe it to the acupuncturist and to myself to at least try it one more time.

Okay, that's my update for now!

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and allowed yourself time to reflect on all of life's blessings. One of my biggest blessings is coming home tomorrow! I can't wait to get a "big hug big kiss" (what Ella says) from my big man.

Down in the Dumps

I am not myself these days. Lupron has completely and utterly changed me. I'm an emotional wreck!

After I inject myself with the small dosage of Lupron between 7:30 and 8:00 every night (it has to be the same time every night), I literally feel the drug go into my blood stream and change me. Don't get me wrong...I don't warp into a crazy person and start running up and down the hallway, but I do start feeling different. I instantaneously feel overwhelmed, anxious and emotional.

I'm not sure if these side effects are normal. I was warned of headaches, but nothing like this! It does make sense, though, since I'm directly injecting hormones into my body.

For those of you who don't know, my doctor prescribed Lurpon to stop my body for ovulating on its own, because everything is going to be monitored and done mechanically, if you will, for this cycle. The drug is basically tricking my body into momentary menopause, and with it, comes an influx of menopausal symptoms (hot flashes, etc.). It sure gives me some insight of how much menopause is going to stink in the future. :)

A part of me thinks that some of my emotional instability is a result of Aaron being gone. Deep down, I think I'd be feel better if Aaron was here to hug me, calm me down, comfort me, and, perhaps most importantly, stab me with the needless (I can't stand giving myself shots!). Of course, he can't change any side effects I may be feeling from my Lupron injections, but he can help walk me through my emotions and take care of me.

When I encouraged him to stay in Oregon for a week, I in no way expected to feel the way I do. Naturally, I knew I would miss him (heck, I miss him when he's at work all day!), but the depressing state I'm in right now is not where I thought I'd find myself. If I had known, I think we both would've thought twice about him leaving.

I've been keeping myself busy with Ella, though. Spending all day with her makes me so happy! She's my little angel and can bring me out of the dumps with just one smile. I'm the luckiest mom in world for God to have entrusted such an amazing little girl as my daughter!

Tomorrow morning, my mom will be driving with me (and Ella) to the bay area. I have appointments for my baseline sonogram and then my first acupuncture session. Because my mom is worried about me and the emotional state I've been in the past couple days, she's taking the day off from work and driving with me. If that's not the most generous, selfless act, I don't know what is! Thanks again, mom. I love you!

Empty House

Aaron (and Bob) drove up to Portland yesterday to spend the Thanksgiving week with his family. It sure is quiet without the two of them in the house. I miss my husband so much, but it's so important for him to spend some quality time with his family. Plus, I'm a true believer that distance makes the heart grow fonder. I can feel my heart growing and yearning to be near him with each passing minute. :)

But, until Aaron comes home, you can imagine the quality mother/daughter bonding Ella and I are enjoying with each other!

This weekend, we went shopping, we watched Tinkerbell, we ate mac & cheese, we read stories, we went on a walk, we sang in her microphone, we danced to the "Hot Dog Hot Dog Hot Diggity Dog" song from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, we put up Christmas decorations, we drank hot (lukewarm in her case) chocolate, we drew Christmas trees, and I have a lot more fun times to look forward to this next week with my favorite little girl.

Needless to say, though, I really don't know how single parents do it! Two full days with Ella without a second parent here to help me has left me very exhausted. A fulfilling, good exhausted, but still exhausted nonetheless.

Part of that exhaustion might be from the Lupron injections, though. The only side effect that I've truly noticed has been headaches, and Tylenol, which is the only pain killer I'm allowed to take at this time, just doesn't cut it for me.

Injections are going well. Tonight was my fourth night of injections and my last night on the birth control pill. As a result of no longer being on the pill, I was told to expect to have some bleeding this next week. And hopefully this will be the last bleeding I see for nine whole months!!!

I did it!

Or, I guess I should say...Aaron did it! He gave me my first shot...10 IU of Lupron!

I was seriously so shocked when he said he would do it. I was 99.9% sure he wouldn't, given his phobia of needles, but he calmly prepped the needle, filled the syringe with exactly 10 IU, wiped me down with the alcohol swab, and then gave me his right-to-the-point pep talk.

"Deep breath, grit your teeth and close your eyes. I'm going in!" :)

My hero!

All I felt was the all-familiar feeling of a stinging shot. It was in for like 5 seconds, and then WA LA! All done! :)

He then gave me a hug at which point I was able to feel how clammy his hands were. He sure was able to suppress his fear to help his "love love" out.

He took care of me like a true champ, though, and I'm so grateful that he did the first shot. Now I feel a little better about the days to come. :)

He told me I need to give the shot tomorrow night, but after seeing how it went tonight, I think I can manage that just fine. I think I'll have a hard time stabbing myself as quickly as he did, though.

He seriously zoomed that needle right into my belly. I'm surprised it wasn't thrusted in with rocket sound effects (since my husband is a sound effect prodigy!).

Well, here's to hoping I don't feel any side effects! Thanks so much for your continuous support and kind words. You all mean so much to me. :)

Last Day

Today is my last day. My last shot-free day for a long time! This is the last day where I can go throughout the entire day without the impending night-time shots looming over my head.

Tomorrow begins this new "phase" of my IVF journey. I'm only giving myself the little Lupron shots to start off with. I don't start the bad boys until the Saturday after Thanksgiving, if all goes as planned.

I know I should just suck it up and "be a man" about all of this, but seriously, the thought of stabbing myself with a needle, regardless of the size, freaks me out a little bit. This is our only means of having another child, though, so I'm going for it! As the saying goes, GO BIG or GO HOME! I guess that doesn't really apply here, but you get the picture. I just need to grit and bear it. :)

On another note, we officially signed Ella up at a dance studio! Her last two ballet classes have been through a City of Turlock program, with each class lasting 10 weeks ending with a recital. There is a couple month break between classes. The last break wasn't so bad, but now that Ella is a little bit older and much more enthusiastic about ballet, we figured it was time to look into dance classes at an actual studio.

I made some calls this afternoon to find out if there were any openings, and sure enough, there were a couple openings at Backstage Dance Academy here in town. We went to check the place out after Ella's dress rehearsal tonight and Ella went from window to window, checking out each age group and each style of dance, saying, "I want to do that! Can I go do that right now?" If we had told her she could, she would've run right into a class of 13-year olds doing a hip-hop routine. Our fearless little girl loves to dance. :)

Because of the Nutcracker performances and other holiday recitals, Ella's first day of class won't officially be until the first Tuesday of January, but boy, will she be ready.

The class we enrolled her in is half ballet and half tap. Coming from only ballet experience, I hope she's able to jump right into tap with ease. I'm sure she will!

Information Overload

We met with our acupuncturist at Nuture Acupuncture today, who gave us information overload.

We went to our IVF class at RSC Bay Area, where we received information overload.

And all of my IVF medication was delivered, and you guessed right! INFORMATION OVERLOAD!

I'm mentally exhausted, to say the least.

Aaron, on the other hand, seems to be taking in everything much better than I am. He says that's why it's so awesome to be a man. I guess I take more time to process everything. To digest all the whos, whats, whens, wheres, whys and hows.

Who (Aaron or me) will be giving me what injections. When do I need to take what medication and where do I inject which shot? Why do I take certain medicines on certain days and how on earth am I going to keep everything straight?

All those questions were answered at our IVF class this morning. And I learned more than ever how much of a godsend my IVF calendar really is!

The IVF class went really well. The other couple there seemed much more knowledgable with everything, which made me feel like a total goof. Aaron enjoyed playing with the Follistim Pen and injecting the plastic belly on the table. (At one point, I think he had the entire belly in his hands and was bouncing it around!).

He was really good (like, surprisingly amazing) at filling the hypodermic needles with the vials of medicine. I, on the other hand, made it look far more difficult that it really is. So, we've decided that Aaron's going to prep everything for me and I'll do the actual injecting (while Aaron closes his eyes in the corner...scaredy cat!)

That is, until I need the progresterone shots after the egg transfer...those needles are long and thick and need to go right in my booty! (The doctor literally draws target circles where Aaron will need to inject me so there is no chance of messing up!). All other shots seem like a piece of cake now that I've seen the monstrosity of these progesterone needles. Lord, give me strength!

Among many facts I took away from the IVF class, the one that most sticks in my mind is when I was told that all five IVF doctors meet together in the conference room for lunch everyday to discuss each of our cases and exchange opinions and ideas for treatment.  We have highly trained medical doctors talking about our case, looking at our file, and discussing what they all believe is best for us. I love how special they make us feel at this office. They all have our best interest at heart. So, not only do we have five doctors working for us, it also means that if our egg transfer happens to land on a day when our main doctor is not in the office, the doctor standing in would be just as familiar with our case, despite me never having met him or her.

The acupuncturist we met was very informative. She gave us some important pointers to remember and recommends me going through an "aggressive" series of acupuncture treatment, since I will be squeezing it all in within the next few weeks before the egg transfer. I'm really hoping acupuncture reveals itself to be as amazing as people have made it out to be. Total, I think I will have five visits...three before the egg transfer and then two the day of the transfer (before and after).

Something that caught Aaron and I off guard was something the acupuncturist said. She said that acupuncture alone increases the IVF success rate by 65%!

Aaron's response, "Oh, that's 5% higher than the 60% estimated chance of success Dr. Weckstein gave us."

The acupuncturist then said, "No, it's 65% on top of that 60%. So, in other words, you have over 100% chance of success this will work."

How is that possible??? Anybody have any insight on this? I'm cautiously going to accept her confidence because I have my doubts. I consulted "Dr. Google" and found many articles showing there is evidence that acupuncture does, in fact, increase the chances by 65%, but I still stand in disbelief.

As for the medication...well, here's a picture of all the goods. :)

Here's a picture with the Follistim (upper right). I forgot it was in the fridge when I took the earlier picture. And it shows you the Follistim Pen I will be using (and Aaron will be playing with). :)

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! Thanksgiving sure is creeping up on us. I don't know about you all, but I'm excited for the holiday. I have much in my life that I'm thankful for. :)