7dp6dt Symptoms and Hope

Well, the week is slowly dwindling away and Saturday is fast approaching (but not fast enough, mind you!).

I figured you all might want to read an update on my symptoms (exciting stuff, right?).

Beginning yesterday (6dp6dt), the severity of my period-like cramps dropped. I mean, the dull ache is still very much there, but the type of pain/discomfort shifted from the pain of an impending period to a fullness, with occasionally sharp twinges on both sides (around my pelvic area). And when I say sharp twinges, I mean, stop me in my tracks and wait for it to pass, pain. I remember feeling similar pains when in my early pregnancy with Ella. :)

Today I have experienced the similar fullness. I feel extremely bloated and I can't suck in my stomach to hide the appearance of such discomfort. I mean, I already have a belly (I am by no means a skinny chick), but my belly is already looking rounder. Obviously, I cannot possibly look pregnant yet, but my insides are surely indicating to me that I am! :)

And, even if I don't look different, my insides are making me feel like this...

Photo courtesy of Google Images.

So, that is where I stand with symptoms. I am probably coming across very hopeful to most of you, and honestly, that is because I really am. I'm hopeful for Saturday's beta to reveal to me that I'm pregnant.

My Daily Reminder

We have a fun whiteboard in our kitchen. I spiced the plain black frame up with fun family-oriented stickers. Here's a few:

Usually this whiteboard is filled with Bible verses, daily reminders (like which butt cheek gets the PIO that night), important appointments, or, Aaron's favorite, "Honey do" lists. We look at it everyday, and since putting it up like six months ago, Aaron and I have remembered more and forgotten less. Always a good thing! :)

This week, though, I only needed one reminder. A very big reminder, at that. And that is to...

KEEP THE FAITH!

This is the only reminder I needed this past week and still need as Saturday ever-so-slowly approaches.

So quickly I psych myself out into thinking my body failed me again.

So quickly I throw myself out of the game, not giving myself a fair chance.

So quickly I label the cramps as PMS cramps, without considering that they could in fact be early pregnancy cramps.

So quickly I shed tears of sadness and despair when, really, if I wait a couple days I'll be able to shed tears of pure and utter happiness.

Seeing this huge reminder to keep the faith tells me to be slower to assume such "truths." I have to admit, it has helped seeing this daily reminder.

I also have the picture of my two babies as my cellphone wallpaper with the same encouragement to keep the faith.

And, then, one's gotta ask why go through all of this? Why spend thousands and thousands of dollars when there's a chance of not getting pregnant? Why waste all that money and invest so much time and emotions on a gamble?

The answer is easy, really. When in a dark place of doubt, I just have to look at Ella and be instantly reminded of why we're doing this. For there is no greater joy than creating life...a baby. And, I have faith that life is being created within my womb as I type this. Even though science was what infused my egg with Aaron's sperm, God's watchful eye was mindfully aware of every last detail, from which eggs matured to which of Aaron's millions of sperm would be the chosen ones. From which cluster of cells would successfully divide to which ones would be strong enough to freeze and thaw.

And when I see Ella's eyes, her hair, her complexion, her stubbornness (definitely me!), her athleticism (definitely Aaron!), her voice, her toes, her belly button, her long legs, her chunky arms, her baby hairs, her teeth spacing, her quiet demeanor...I see Aaron and I see me. And there is no greater, more rewarding joy in the entire world than to witness the miracle of life, knowing the life created is a result of your own.

How can it not work?

Well, I am now 5dp6dt. Over halfway there!

My cramping is still very much there. I have definitely decided it is far worse this time around than with my IVF cycle. It makes me so nervous, but, really, I cannot trust anything my body is throwing at me with the amount of medication I'm on. And, there have been many women who have undergone IVF or FET cycles who claim the same symptoms and are now with child (or in some cases, children).

I can be pregnant, but I can also not be. It can go either way.

At this point, it is what it is, and there is nothing I can do to change the outcome.

But, this morning I started thinking, "How can this not work?"

I mean, seriously! How can I not get pregnant from this???

My clinic has a 65.9% success rate for FET. That's remarkably high!

I transferred two beautiful blastocysts, one of which was graded 5AA.

YOU CAN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN 5AA!!!

The transfer was absolutely flawless.

How can this not work???

Please, God, let this work.

4dp6dt Update

After 4 days of rest, I headed back to work today. My job isn't physically demanding or anything. I work as a paralegal at a law office, so I sit at my computer most of the time.

My cramping comes and goes. One minute it feels as if my period will start, but then the next I simply feel a pulling fullness down there. I'm trying to remain optimistic and not focus on it, but gosh, that's pretty much impossible. The cramping is seemingly worse this cycle. That could be a good or a bad thing. I'm praying it's our two bundles of joy snuggling deep inside.

I'm faithfully optimistic, but I'm also painfully realistic. So, my days have pretty much been a battle between the two. :)

I lost track of how many times I have prayed over these babies. I laid in bed last night with tears in my eyes, my hands on my lower belly, just praying. Praying with every ounce of my being. Praying with all of my heart for God to keep these babies safe inside me. Even though they are inside me, their future is out of my hands. Whether they are the ones that will make Ella a big sister is up to God.

On a happy note, the migraine I had the past few days has finally subsided. I don't know what that was all about, but it's either related to a) not drinking my morning dose of caffeine or b) my awful PIO injections. I remember with my IVF cycle, I had excruciating headaches during the latter part of my 9-day wait, so it's likely the same cause as before.

I guess there is really nothing else to report. Just taking the wait one day at a time. Better yet...one minute at a time. Because, honestly, my hope comes and goes in the blink of an eye.

Speaking of which, while driving Ella to school this morning, one of our family's favorite songs, "Blink" by Revive came on the radio, and little Miss Ella just sang her heart out in the back seat. I pulled up at Ella's school sobbing. Thankfully Ella couldn't see. :)

It pains my heart to think how quickly time is passing by. How quickly all our days have become our yesterdays while we are all guilty of being too focused on our tomorrows. Even now, I'm so focused on Saturday's beta that the next few days are nothing but a means to get to my pregnancy test. There is a lot of wonderfulness I'll miss if I do that.

Bad Things Happen in Threes

You know the saying that bad things happen in threes?

Well, I'd like to think the same can be true for good things.

The past few weeks have been filled with good news.

First, on February 28th we found out that Aaron passed the RICA (Reading Instruction Competence Assessment). This test has proven to be quite difficult for not only Aaron to pass, but lots of teachers new to the field. It's a new requirement for all California teachers in order to earn their credential, and after many failed attempts and more money than we care to admit spent on this sucker, Aaron passed it!

If he was not successful in passing this test, he would not have been able to earn his credential and therefore not be eligible to teach next year. The past two years he has taught under an internship credential, which is only good for two years. All other prerequisites had been met to qualify him for his credential but this darn test, so we were on pins and needles until we were able to shout for joy on February 28th.

So...good news #1 is that Aaron has a teaching job next year! That is good news indeed! :)

Second, on March 8th, we found out that Ella got into Walnut Elementary School. (You likely remember reading about this wonderful day, but if you didn't, feel free to click HERE).

So...good news #2 is that Ella gets to go to the best school for kindergarten and her elementary school years (until we move back to Oregon, that is).

That then leaves me to what good news #3 is. You can likely guess what we're praying it is.

After all, if bad things can happen in threes...so can good! So, we're holding out hope that our third good thing will come on April 2nd. :)

But, I can't say that this cramping doesn't leave me feeling discouraged, though, and after looking back on my IVF cycle in December, I read that I started feeling PMS crampiness at 3dp5dt. I'm feeling the exact same way as last time and it absolutely breaks my heart. Granted, I had that mild spotting incident last time, but everything else checks out to be the same.

I am trying my hardest to continue holding onto that confidence that this FET worked, but it's getting harder to be so absolute in my certainty.

I know one thing I am absolute in, though...and that is that I'm an absolute mess! :)

Photo courtesy of Google Images.

Cramps Make Me So Nervous

I'm feeling more crampy today than yesterday. I know post-transfer cramping is to be expected and completely normal, so I'm not concerned that something is wrong. But, the cramping is so similar to PMS cramps that my mind can't help but go there.

I also feel a heaviness down there. Like, how you feel when your stomach is full, but instead it feels like my uterus is full. LOL! Hopefully filled with two growing babies! :)

It was my plan all along to extend my bed rest into the weekend and simply take it easy (as much as I can with a very excited 4-year old and an overly productive husband). Today, I had the most awful headache/migraine, which definitely made it easy to keep to my moderate bed rest regiment. Hopefully laying low again tomorrow will allow these cramps to work out their business and then LEAVE ME ALONE!

I'm trying not to read too much into these cramps, but it's so hard not to. When I feel the cramping, I can't switch my mind off from feeling it. It's like my body tells my brain, "Pssssst! You feel those cramps? Those feel exactly like PMS cramps, don't they? This FET didn't work. Who are you kidding?"

But, luckily, my heart is more powerful than my brain and in my heart of hearts, I know this worked. I have to keep telling myself that, in order to not let the cramping bring me down.

So, that's my 2dp6dt status update! :)