4dp6dt Update

After 4 days of rest, I headed back to work today. My job isn't physically demanding or anything. I work as a paralegal at a law office, so I sit at my computer most of the time.

My cramping comes and goes. One minute it feels as if my period will start, but then the next I simply feel a pulling fullness down there. I'm trying to remain optimistic and not focus on it, but gosh, that's pretty much impossible. The cramping is seemingly worse this cycle. That could be a good or a bad thing. I'm praying it's our two bundles of joy snuggling deep inside.

I'm faithfully optimistic, but I'm also painfully realistic. So, my days have pretty much been a battle between the two. :)

I lost track of how many times I have prayed over these babies. I laid in bed last night with tears in my eyes, my hands on my lower belly, just praying. Praying with every ounce of my being. Praying with all of my heart for God to keep these babies safe inside me. Even though they are inside me, their future is out of my hands. Whether they are the ones that will make Ella a big sister is up to God.

On a happy note, the migraine I had the past few days has finally subsided. I don't know what that was all about, but it's either related to a) not drinking my morning dose of caffeine or b) my awful PIO injections. I remember with my IVF cycle, I had excruciating headaches during the latter part of my 9-day wait, so it's likely the same cause as before.

I guess there is really nothing else to report. Just taking the wait one day at a time. Better yet...one minute at a time. Because, honestly, my hope comes and goes in the blink of an eye.

Speaking of which, while driving Ella to school this morning, one of our family's favorite songs, "Blink" by Revive came on the radio, and little Miss Ella just sang her heart out in the back seat. I pulled up at Ella's school sobbing. Thankfully Ella couldn't see. :)

It pains my heart to think how quickly time is passing by. How quickly all our days have become our yesterdays while we are all guilty of being too focused on our tomorrows. Even now, I'm so focused on Saturday's beta that the next few days are nothing but a means to get to my pregnancy test. There is a lot of wonderfulness I'll miss if I do that.