Deep down I knew the truth, but actually hearing Dr. Weckstein say the words brought the truth to another level.
The truth hurts.
A lot.
He said Aaron and I have a slim to no chance of conceiving naturally on our own.
I mean, I already knew that. But, I hadn't actually heard the words...out loud. I thought it. I felt it to be true. But, I still wanted to hold onto that very small chance that we'd have another miracle baby.
He then went on to explain Aaron's sperm quality. His exact words were, "His sperm is really not good."
I'd rather have him be straightforward with me, than to sugarcoat the truth, but it still hurts to hear the truth.
So, I cried. A lot.
And without Aaron there, I felt like a sobbing fool sitting in Dr. Weckstein's office office, awkwardly trying to control my tears, but unable to do so. Dr. Weckstein just kept saying, "I know, Bobbi. I know."
Do you really know, Dr. Weckstein? You do hundreds of IVFs every year and, to you, I'm likely just another statistic either in your favor or not. Another notch on his belt.
Okay, who am I kidding? I know he cares. He wouldn't be in the infertility business if he didn't want to help couples conceive, who would not otherwise be able to. He has a big heart. His warm eyes show that he cares.
Okay, back to Aaron's sperm...
As you know, Aaron had an extensive, very detailed semen analysis (SA) done a few months ago as standard pre-IVF protocol. You know, cross everything off the checklist before spending thousands of dollars that could possibly be unnecessary.
Anyway, that SA showed an amazing count, borderline motility (movement) and 99% abnormal morphology.
The day of my egg retrieval was also the day of Aaron's "relieval" (get it???). Another SA was performed on this sample, too, and it showed a count of 175 million (holy cow!), a motility of 10% less than the previous sample (sigh) and, again, 99% morphology.
Dr. Weckstein said the fact that the morphology was still 99% with this SA shows just how bad Aaron's sperm is. Why, you might ask?
Apparently, during the first SA, a dye is put on the sperm as a means to determine a very accurate morphology examination. This second SA did not use that dye because that kills the sperm, but his morphology still showed 99% abnormality.
But, still...1% of 175 million is what? 1.75 MILLION!!! Aaron has 1.75 million GOOD sperm during any given day. And, as the saying goes...it only takes one.
The bad ruin it for the good, though, and the fact that his guys aren't moving like they are supposed to throws in a whole other factor altogether.
So, even though Dr. Weckstein believes we have no chance of conceiving on our own, we're still going to try.
In fact, I'm ovulating today. And, deep down, I don't know how to not try, even with an impossible outcome, because when you want something so bad, you're willing to attempt even the impossible.
Showing posts with label Sperm Morphology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sperm Morphology. Show all posts
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Tomorrow is Supposed to be Different
Tomorrow is my consult with Dr. Weckstein to discuss our unsuccessful IVF cycle and our future FET cycle.
But, to me, tomorrow is still supposed to be the day we first get to see our babies.
Tomorrow is supposed to mark that I'm six weeks pregnant, halfway through my first trimester.
But, instead, tomorrow will bring yet another doctor's appointment without a peanut growing inside of me.
And, to top it off, Aaron has to work, so I'll be making the drive and meeting with Dr. Weckstein all alone. I really would like to have the emotional support of Aaron there, but he can't miss work.
Along with the consult, Dr. Weckstein will be performing a uterine sounding, which is generally performed prior to an embryo transfer to determine the uterine depth and how easily the catheter can pass through the cervix. Dr. Weckstein did just that before my transfer and supposedly "mapped out" how to get to my uterus, but then during the actual transfer, it took him a few tries to get to the uterus. Not so fun.
I guess to prevent that again, he's going in to do a practice round, but this time with an empty, embryo-free catheter. :(
I have a list of questions prepared for Dr. Weckstein to answer, varying from what potentially went wrong during the embryo transfer (see above!) and if that made a difference in our success to if we have any hope of conceiving naturally on our own.
From if there is anything Aaron can do to increase his sperm morphology to the standard protocol for a FET.
From the success rate for a FET to if we will be allowed to transfer all three of our frozen embryos.
From my estrogen and progesterone levels to Aaron possibly being referred to a reproductive urologist (yes, it'd be his turn to be poked and prodded by a doctor).
What is a reproductive urologist, you might ask? Well, a reproductive urologist helps a man find the cause of infertility, if any, with thorough testing, and assists to correct the infertility issue.
So, hopefully I come out of tomorrow's appointment feeling uplifted because, really, I could use a good pick me up.
But, to me, tomorrow is still supposed to be the day we first get to see our babies.
Tomorrow is supposed to mark that I'm six weeks pregnant, halfway through my first trimester.
But, instead, tomorrow will bring yet another doctor's appointment without a peanut growing inside of me.
And, to top it off, Aaron has to work, so I'll be making the drive and meeting with Dr. Weckstein all alone. I really would like to have the emotional support of Aaron there, but he can't miss work.
Along with the consult, Dr. Weckstein will be performing a uterine sounding, which is generally performed prior to an embryo transfer to determine the uterine depth and how easily the catheter can pass through the cervix. Dr. Weckstein did just that before my transfer and supposedly "mapped out" how to get to my uterus, but then during the actual transfer, it took him a few tries to get to the uterus. Not so fun.
I guess to prevent that again, he's going in to do a practice round, but this time with an empty, embryo-free catheter. :(
I have a list of questions prepared for Dr. Weckstein to answer, varying from what potentially went wrong during the embryo transfer (see above!) and if that made a difference in our success to if we have any hope of conceiving naturally on our own.
From if there is anything Aaron can do to increase his sperm morphology to the standard protocol for a FET.
From the success rate for a FET to if we will be allowed to transfer all three of our frozen embryos.
From my estrogen and progesterone levels to Aaron possibly being referred to a reproductive urologist (yes, it'd be his turn to be poked and prodded by a doctor).
What is a reproductive urologist, you might ask? Well, a reproductive urologist helps a man find the cause of infertility, if any, with thorough testing, and assists to correct the infertility issue.
So, hopefully I come out of tomorrow's appointment feeling uplifted because, really, I could use a good pick me up.
Friday, October 15, 2010
All along we were looking at me...
...when we should've been looking at Aaron.
Right before we reached one year of trying to conceive, we decided for Aaron to have a semen analysis done. We figured that would completely eliminate if he was the cause of us not getting pregnant, and then once we hit the one-year mark, we could start my testing to see what may be causing our infertility.
Aaron's first semen analysis (SA) results were:
When I went over Aaron's first SA results with Dr. W a couple months ago, I was absolutely convinced the low-ish sperm movement was what was causing us to not get pregnant, since all my tests had come back absolutely perfect. But, Dr. W reassured me that the motility being below average is not the cause for us not getting pregnant. He said it could be playing a very small role and may be prolonging us getting pregnant a little bit, but there are many couples who get pregnant with a much lower sperm movement percentage. He said it isn't helping us conceive, but it's not hurting us too much either. And then he spoke those words that I'll never forget...
"If it was going to happen, it would've happened by now."
Those words still sting a little.
But now, the words I am replaying over and over in my head are, "I know why you and Aaron are not getting pregnant."
Really??? After 25 months we finally have an answer.
Aaron's second SA gave us the answer. His count is still very, very good. Motility is still in the low range, but not in an unconceivable range, but his morphology! Well...lets just say I learned a new word yesterday.
Teratozoospermia! According to Wikipedia, this is a condition characterized by the presence of sperm with abnormal morphology that affects fertility in males.
*Deep sigh*
So, here it is...99% of Aaron's sperm are abnormally shaped. Only 1% of his sperm are normal. A sperm has to be normal and healthy in order to be strong enough to penetrate an egg.
But still...we only need one sperm of the millions to get pregnant, right??? But Dr. W said the 99% poor sperm make it near impossible for the 1% good sperm to make it to the egg and fertilize.
Questions immediately flooded by mind as my eyes glazed over with tears that I knew would fall once I got off the phone. Here's how I remember our conversation going:
Question: Aaron's first SA results say he has 80% morphology. How could those results be so off?
Answer: The testing that your OB-GYN was not nearly as extensive or detailed, which is why you needed Aaron to have a second one done at our clinic. Infertility clinics have specialists who can identify semen abnormalities that a technician at Quest Diagnostics can't. This is why the count and motility measurements came back similar, but the morphology was way off.
Question: We have Ella! What happened there?
Answer: There is no telling what happened, but it is very likely that Aaron could've had the same SA results in 2005 when you conceived Ella, but you just had a super egg and miraculously a sperm penetrated it. Ella could very much be a miracle baby! (I smiled when he said that).
Question: Is there a chance Aaron had better sperm morphology five years ago (well, technically three, since starting to conceive our second child) and things have just changed?
Answer: Aaron could've had better sperm morphology a few years ago, but there is no way of knowing. Age does play a factor in a couple's reproductivity, but you are still both very young. Couples are "most fertile" in their early twenties, right around the time you two conceived Ella, so perhaps that helped.
Question: What causes poor sperm morphology?
Answer: There's no way to know, but most likely it's genetics, especially since 99% of the sperm are abnormally shaped. I wish there was a way to know, but there isn't.
Question: Aaron and I conceived Ella in the winter in Oregon. Aaron is very much a hot-blooded guy and is always sweating. He's always hot "down there." Could the hot climate we now live in be having a negative effect on his sperm?
Answer: Heat mainly plays a negative role in a man's sperm when their testicles are exposed to heat for a long period of time, such as a marathon bicyclist or a truck driver who sits on a truck's engine for hours on end. This is why hot tubbing or sitting in saunas is not advised. The testicles hang outside the body for the reason of keeping them cool. Sure, the heat could be playing a role in Aaron's sperm quality, but, again, nothing too definite. If it is playing an effect, it's not a very big one.
Question: So, what does all this mean then?
Answer: In order to get pregnant, you will need to have IVF with ICSI. But, now that we know, what I think to be, the cause of your infertility, I have even higher hopes that IVF will work for you guys. You have absolutely nothing wrong with you and if we fertilize some of Aaron's really good sperm with your egg, I'm confident we can make you a baby. (I felt really happy after hearing this, but then reality hit me).
Question: What does this mean if we wish to extend our family beyond this second child?
Answer: Unless you have another miracle baby like Ella (which could clearly happen!), you will most likely need to undergo IVF with ICSI to further your family beyond your second child.
This is when the tears started flowing, so I quickly thanked him for everything and he said he'll be in touch with me next week with the the blood work results determining if Aaron is a Cystic Fibrosis carrier.
It is a lot to take in. Am I happy we have an answer? Yes, partially. Our infertility always had a big question mark stamped all over it. But now, knowing about Aaron's sperm morphology, the question mark moves to our miracle daughter. How did we conceive such a beautiful miracle given this statistic? God is good is why! And, despite the fact that we likely won't be able to conceive naturally on our own again...God is still good.
Longest post in blogging history, I know! And I wanted to tell everyone who is supporting and praying for me...
Right before we reached one year of trying to conceive, we decided for Aaron to have a semen analysis done. We figured that would completely eliminate if he was the cause of us not getting pregnant, and then once we hit the one-year mark, we could start my testing to see what may be causing our infertility.
Aaron's first semen analysis (SA) results were:
- Volume: 5.0 mL (> = 2.0 is normal)
- Count: 79.8 million/mL (> = 20 million/mL is normal)
- Motility (movement): 32% (> = 50% is normal)
- Morphology (shape): 80% (> = 30% is normal)
When I went over Aaron's first SA results with Dr. W a couple months ago, I was absolutely convinced the low-ish sperm movement was what was causing us to not get pregnant, since all my tests had come back absolutely perfect. But, Dr. W reassured me that the motility being below average is not the cause for us not getting pregnant. He said it could be playing a very small role and may be prolonging us getting pregnant a little bit, but there are many couples who get pregnant with a much lower sperm movement percentage. He said it isn't helping us conceive, but it's not hurting us too much either. And then he spoke those words that I'll never forget...
"If it was going to happen, it would've happened by now."
Those words still sting a little.
But now, the words I am replaying over and over in my head are, "I know why you and Aaron are not getting pregnant."
Really??? After 25 months we finally have an answer.
Aaron's second SA gave us the answer. His count is still very, very good. Motility is still in the low range, but not in an unconceivable range, but his morphology! Well...lets just say I learned a new word yesterday.
Teratozoospermia! According to Wikipedia, this is a condition characterized by the presence of sperm with abnormal morphology that affects fertility in males.
*Deep sigh*
So, here it is...99% of Aaron's sperm are abnormally shaped. Only 1% of his sperm are normal. A sperm has to be normal and healthy in order to be strong enough to penetrate an egg.
But still...we only need one sperm of the millions to get pregnant, right??? But Dr. W said the 99% poor sperm make it near impossible for the 1% good sperm to make it to the egg and fertilize.
Questions immediately flooded by mind as my eyes glazed over with tears that I knew would fall once I got off the phone. Here's how I remember our conversation going:
Question: Aaron's first SA results say he has 80% morphology. How could those results be so off?
Answer: The testing that your OB-GYN was not nearly as extensive or detailed, which is why you needed Aaron to have a second one done at our clinic. Infertility clinics have specialists who can identify semen abnormalities that a technician at Quest Diagnostics can't. This is why the count and motility measurements came back similar, but the morphology was way off.
Question: We have Ella! What happened there?
Answer: There is no telling what happened, but it is very likely that Aaron could've had the same SA results in 2005 when you conceived Ella, but you just had a super egg and miraculously a sperm penetrated it. Ella could very much be a miracle baby! (I smiled when he said that).
Question: Is there a chance Aaron had better sperm morphology five years ago (well, technically three, since starting to conceive our second child) and things have just changed?
Answer: Aaron could've had better sperm morphology a few years ago, but there is no way of knowing. Age does play a factor in a couple's reproductivity, but you are still both very young. Couples are "most fertile" in their early twenties, right around the time you two conceived Ella, so perhaps that helped.
Question: What causes poor sperm morphology?
Answer: There's no way to know, but most likely it's genetics, especially since 99% of the sperm are abnormally shaped. I wish there was a way to know, but there isn't.
Question: Aaron and I conceived Ella in the winter in Oregon. Aaron is very much a hot-blooded guy and is always sweating. He's always hot "down there." Could the hot climate we now live in be having a negative effect on his sperm?
Answer: Heat mainly plays a negative role in a man's sperm when their testicles are exposed to heat for a long period of time, such as a marathon bicyclist or a truck driver who sits on a truck's engine for hours on end. This is why hot tubbing or sitting in saunas is not advised. The testicles hang outside the body for the reason of keeping them cool. Sure, the heat could be playing a role in Aaron's sperm quality, but, again, nothing too definite. If it is playing an effect, it's not a very big one.
Question: So, what does all this mean then?
Answer: In order to get pregnant, you will need to have IVF with ICSI. But, now that we know, what I think to be, the cause of your infertility, I have even higher hopes that IVF will work for you guys. You have absolutely nothing wrong with you and if we fertilize some of Aaron's really good sperm with your egg, I'm confident we can make you a baby. (I felt really happy after hearing this, but then reality hit me).
Question: What does this mean if we wish to extend our family beyond this second child?
Answer: Unless you have another miracle baby like Ella (which could clearly happen!), you will most likely need to undergo IVF with ICSI to further your family beyond your second child.
This is when the tears started flowing, so I quickly thanked him for everything and he said he'll be in touch with me next week with the the blood work results determining if Aaron is a Cystic Fibrosis carrier.
It is a lot to take in. Am I happy we have an answer? Yes, partially. Our infertility always had a big question mark stamped all over it. But now, knowing about Aaron's sperm morphology, the question mark moves to our miracle daughter. How did we conceive such a beautiful miracle given this statistic? God is good is why! And, despite the fact that we likely won't be able to conceive naturally on our own again...God is still good.
Longest post in blogging history, I know! And I wanted to tell everyone who is supporting and praying for me...
You all mean more to me than you'll ever know!
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