Tristan is Here!

You all are going to have to wait for the "birth story" post, but for now, I will leave you with a couple pictures of our beautiful son.

Tristan Nathaniel Johnson was born on Friday, December 2nd, at 4:56 p.m. He weighed 7 pounds, 13 ounces, and was 19-3/4 inches long. (Shorter and heavier than Ella at birth, who weighed 7 pounds, 8 ounces, and was 20-1/2 inches long). He has peach fuzz hair that is light brown / dark blonde in color. His eyes are either dark blue or gray. We can't tell yet. Overall, his temperament is extremely laid back and mellow. He doesn't cry much. He coos and makes a ton of fun noises, though, which just melt my heart. He is most alert / active in the morning. He loves to be held and begins waking up most times we put him down, so we have to make sure he's really asleep. In short, he is our perfect baby boy, and is fitting perfectly into our little family. We are immeasurably blessed.

Nothing like the first sound of your baby crying. I couldn't see him, but when I heard him, I just cried.

Checking vitals.

Breathing in air for the first time, crying it all in. What a big mouth!

My parents and little Ella watching Tristan get cleaned up in the nursery. It was an emotional day for all of us. :)

Ella's look is so priceless. Such love. Such adoration. Such devotion. She is such a proud big sister.

Finally getting a bit of rest after all the cleaning.

Excited Ella!

As you can see on his face, Tristan had icky "baby acne" when born, which has slowly gone away. It's very common since the baby's skin is in liquid for so long. He looks so comfortable in this picture, enjoying the extra space to stretch and relax. :)

Because Tristan initially had trouble taking in oxygen, his oxygen saturation level had to be tested. So, I didn't get to hold and love on my baby boy until over 2 hours had passed. It was so hard! Usually the mom gets to hold her baby in recovery, but not me. I just waited and waited. I wanted to see and hold him so bad! I had only seen him for a couple seconds when Aaron brought him over to me while I was being closed up, and I just remember looking at his face and saying, "He looks exactly like you." It's funny because so many of the nurses said the same thing. He really is a spitting image of his Daddy. :)

This is a picture of one of my first moments with my son. My little love.

Face of an angel.

Cheeks so rosy and full of color, very healthy.

Babies always sleep in the silliest positions. Here, Tristan is doing the dead dog pose. :)

Proud daddy. You can just see the happiness in his eyes.

Already showing off his guns.

To which Daddy then had to show off his guns. :)

So ready to go home. We were discharged at 5:00 p.m. on Sunday, 49 hours after Tristan was born. It was so good to finally get home and be with Ella and officially begin our new life as a family of four.

Thinking about something serious. Either that, or pooping. :)

How A Woman Thinks is Often How She Lives

How often does your own self-doubt, anxiety or overall fear stop you from living out the life you want? How often do you feel a dream could be more than a dream, but you sell yourself short from living it out because of your own insecurities? How often do your self-condemning thoughts get in your way of reaching your fullest potential?

I know that I am my worst enemy.

I know that I am capable of more than what I allow myself to achieve.

I know that I struggle with confidence, anxiety, fear. What woman doesn't? "I can't do that" is spoken far too often in my mind, which stops me from even trying.

And, sure, trying can eventually lead to failing. But! It can also lead to succeeding! Rather than living in shadows of self-doubt, I should force myself to break through and try!

My thoughts should not own me. I should own my thoughts. Whenever my mind circles round to sour thoughts, I need to re-focus, re-group and try, try again.

How I think is how I am going to live.

And, guess what? I can honestly tell you that my thoughts are starting to shift to a better place. I am starting to park my mind on the truth that I am strong. I am worthy. I am valuable.

I know this pregnancy brought "Bobbi" back. I had gone through such a dark time during our years of trying to conceive, and this pregnancy brought light to where there was once darkness.

This pregnancy truly saved me, in more ways than just making my dreams come true. It cleared up so much in my life that needed clearing up. It centered God back into my life, and I will forever be grateful for that.

I have so much in my life to be grateful for, but thinking negatively about any of my blessings, even if unintentionally, is like a slap in God's face.

Living a life filled with self-doubt or fear is like telling God that even though He's given me everything I need, it's just not enough. I doubt my own ability, yet God promises He has given me the strength to do all things through Him. I fear things beyond my control, yet God has not once yielded control of my life.

You know that song with the lyrics, "I can see clearly now the rain is gone." I don't know who sings it nor do I know the rest of the song, but that one line digs through me. I feel uplifted. My thoughts are renewed. And with these renewed thoughts comes a renewed life.

I used to think so negatively. Undermining myself. Undermining God. Undermining my role as a woman, as a mom, and as a wife.

But, I am coming out of my shell. My confidence is re-growing. I am finding myself again. I am finding my purpose and my value.

Rather than telling myself, "I can't do that," I am learning to tell myself, "I can do it!" (or to at least try!). What a huge difference that makes.

And as I progress into this new frame of mind, I am able to see the scattered pieces of my life join together, right where they are supposed to be. God has big, big plans for my life, so why let my negative thoughts stop those plans from unfolding as they should?

My life used to be so different...not because it was, but because my thoughts made it so.

Changing my mindset has changed everything!

Hug A Little Longer

Following the unthinkable devastation the tornadoes left behind this past week, my eyes can't help but open up to how beautiful and blessed my life is. My gosh, imagine losing your entire home, not to mention friends and family, in the blink of an eye! Bam! Someone's life can fall apart just like that.

I'm sure most of you have heard about the pregnant mom and her three young kids sheltering themselves in a bathtub. The tornado was too big and the winds too fierce to keep them safe. The family was swept apart, separated from their mom's arms.

Two of the three children died. One remains in critical condition.

Imagine the emotions this mom and dad (who was away when the storm hit) are going through. Just imagine! Every time I think about these poor children, and all the innocent victims this storm took, my heart yearns for my family. I just want to hug them. Forever.

I want to indefinitely squeeze Ella. Never letting go. I want to hug my strong Aaron and never, ever pull away.

They are my world.

They are my everything.

So much emphasis in this world is put on material items. Cars, houses, electronics, clothes, but those are meaningless and disposable. A car can be crushed like a soda can in a storm. A house shredded to its bare foundation.

And although losing a home and possessions is an unfathomably scary idea, the mere thought of losing my family leaves a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach, a lump in my throat and swelling tears in my eyes.

I am so very sad for all the homeless families who are mourning the loss of loved ones after this past week's storms. I'm sure every single one of them would do anything for one last hug, one last "I love you," one last look into their loved ones' eyes.

And, here I can put this laptop down, and go into Ella's bedroom where she is sleeping, and see her. Smell her. Embrace her. Kiss her rosy cheeks. Whisper sweet nothings into her dreams.

I can put this laptop down and go snuggle against Aaron, having him hug me back.

I can put this laptop down and go to sleep in my warm bed with a solid roof over my head, knowing my loved ones are safe.

And all of that can be taken away in the blink of an eye.

I will never, ever take for granted what God has so graciously blessed me with. I know that I am immeasurably blessed. And, I will continue to pray for all the families torn apart and all the shattered lives that are trying to rebuild.