A Child's Ten Commandments to Parents

1. My hands are small; please don’t expect perfection whenever I make a bed, draw a picture, or throw a ball. My legs are short; please slow down so that I can keep up with you.

2. My eyes have not seen the world as yours have; please let me explore safely: don’t restrict me unnecessarily.

3. Housework will always be there. I’m only little such a short time; please take time to explain things to me about this wonderful world, and do so willingly.

4. My feelings are tender; please be sensitive to my needs; don’t nag me all day long. (You wouldn’t want to be nagged for your inquisitiveness.) Treat me as you would like to be treated.

5. I am a special gift from God; please treasure me as God intended you to do, holding me accountable for my actions, giving me guidelines to live by, and disciplining me in a loving manner.

6. I need your encouragement, but not your praise, to grow. Please go easy on the criticism; remember you can criticize the things I do without criticizing me.

7. Please give me the freedom to make decisions concerning myself. Permit me to fail, so that I can learn from my mistakes. Then someday I’ll be prepared to make the kind of decisions life requires of me.

8. Please don’t do things over for me. Somehow that makes me feel that my efforts didn’t quite measure up to your expectations. I know it’s hard, but please don’t try to compare me with my brother or my sister.

9. Please don’t be afraid to leave for a weekend together. Kids need vacations from parents, just as parents need vacations from kids. Besides, it’s a great way to show us kids that your marriage is very special.

10. Please take me to Sunday school and church regularly, setting a good example for me to follow. I enjoy learning more about God.

I know I needed to read this. How about you? :)

By: Dr. Kevin Leman

I Can Talk the Talk, but I Can't Walk the Walk

Breastfeeding.

Oh, breastfeeding.

I had big, big plans. Big plans to solely breastfeed until Tristan was six months old. I was going to pump up a grandiose supply of breast milk for Tristan to enjoy beyond those six months, or for Aaron to bottle feed Tristan while I'm at work.

As you can see...big plans!

Big plans that fell through.

For some reason, breastfeeding with Ella was easier. I was able to do it much longer than with Tristan.

I think a big part being that Ella was my one and only. I also was not working. So, every minute of everyday was devoted to her, which made breastfeeding not as challenging.

But, I'll admit, it was very difficult for me this time around.

I started out with big hopes and solely fed Tristan breast milk until he was hospitalized for jaundice and my doctor ordered that I supplement with formula (for the Vitamin D). From that point on, I breastfed while supplementing with formula.

Tristan started preferring the bottle. It takes a lot less work for the baby to feed from a bottle than the boob, and even though he would latch onto me, it had become a comfort thing where he would just immediately fall asleep. He'd then wake up hungry, I'd try and feed him again, but then he'd fall asleep. Such had become the nighttime drill, so I started pumping in the middle of the night to feed him a bottle, but who in their right mind wants to pump, which is already as un-fun as it gets, at 2:00 in the morning? I did that for awhile, but it started making my nighttime feedings overwhelming for me.

I would breastfeed during the day, but for whatever reason, this time around it just wasn't my thing.

So, I told Aaron that I wanted to ween Tristan off from breastfeeding and just formula feed him.

He was very surprised, since I had talked such a big talk to how I was so excited to breastfeed. But, walking the walk is serving to be more difficult than I expected, and I didn't want this expectation I put on myself to negatively affect me.

And, even though it may be awful to admit, I feel a sense of relief now that I'm not breastfeeding. Whenever I go somewhere, I don't have to worry about leaking. I don't leak on the sheets at night or wake up with huge wet circles on my shirt. I don't feel the pain from fullness that I'd get if I didn't pump or feed Tristan every couple hours. I'm able to go somewhere with my family for hours at a time without having to breastfeed in public (which is not my thing at all).

Tristan transitioned just fine to this new routine.

I felt like a failure. I still do. I feel like Tristan needed me to do something for him and I just couldn't. I feel like I've wanted this baby boy so long that I should be willing to do anything and everything for him. I see all these power moms that breastfeed for months and months, and I couldn't even make it to two months. I failed. And it still hurts when I think about it. I feel like I just totally let Tristan down, which is the heaviest feeling of guilt I've felt in a long time.

I have to remind myself that a ton of moms don't even breastfeed for as long as I did, and Tristan was breastfed during the critical first six weeks of his life. So, I feel good. Guilty and defeated, but still good.

Because more important than Tristan needing Mommy's milk is Tristan needing Mommy happy. And, truth be told, after I move passed the sense of failure, I am happy with this decision. And a happy Mommy makes a happy Tristan. :)

Blog Has Been Taking the Back Burner

I was silly to think I could keep blogging up as avidly (if you can even call it that) as I did before Tristan was born. Even though I'm not working, my time manages to pass by without me getting around to writing a post. My days and nights flow into each other and quite often, I don't know what day of the week it is!

I think the main issue is that I'm such a perfectionist! I want the content of my blog to be worthy of reading. I enjoying conjuring up interesting topics, ideas or themes, but lately, I can't manage to put all my thoughts to words. I come up with ideas on what to blog about in the middle of one day, but it's not until five days later that I actually start the post, and by then, I've forgotten about my oh-so-grand idea! I guess I should start writing them down. :)

I'm constantly being distracted...in a good way, of course. It's hard to commit to any one task at hand with a needy baby boy. Dishes take longer. I fold half a load of laundry until Tristan absolutely must be held, and then the other half doesn't seem to get folded until the next day. Showers are hit and miss, and sometimes it's not until Aaron gets home from work late afternoon that I get my "morning" shower in. Sometimes I shower before Aaron leaves for work. Sometimes I don't shower at all. I know...ew! My living room has officially become a war zone between Ella's toys and trinkets versus Tristan's blankets and bibs. It's a constant battle between the two. And it's not that I don't tidy up...it's just that minutes after doing so, it's a mess again. My white flag is waving in defeat. :)

So, as you can see, sitting down to write a quality blog post is hard.

I love blogging. Love, love, love! But, I love my baby boy and darling daughter more. But, nevertheless, I'm going to try and make a much better effort to put some material out there in cyberspace. Blogging makes me feel good. It's a reflection of me. Writing gives me a sense of pride and confidence. I can't really explain why...I guess it's because this is my blog stamped with my name that only I own. It's mine. It's special.

It's my therapy.

My outlet.

My memoir.

My documentary.

My heart.

And, as such, I'm going to try and prioritize this "baby" and make a diligent effort to post more often.

No guarantee, though. :)

"Nothing's cute at 4am"

I'm not gonna lie...Tristan's 4 o'clock feeding is hard.

In a sigh of complete despair, Aaron muttered, "Nothing's cute at 4am" this morning. Yes, even though Tristan is the cutest baby boy, a haze of tiredness can skew that cuteness.

It's not so much the time of the feeding so much as it is that Tristan won't go back to sleep. He's up for the day. Or, at least until mid- to late-morning, then he's ready for a nap.

And, I know, once Aaron's school starts up on Monday and he won't be able to help with Tristan's nighttime adventures, I will struggle. I will be tired. I will lose focus on how blessed I am to have a son to wake up to in the middle of the night. I will feel sorry for myself on how little sleep I'll get.

But, every time one of those self-pity moments comes, I vow to slap myself in the face and remind myself of the following:

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

- Thoughts on Becoming A Mother (Author Unknown)

I have been through so much for Tristan to get here. So much! And, I refuse to forget the 2-1/2 years, the surgeries, the thousands of dollars, the failed IVF cycle, and the emotional toil it took for my dream to come true, no matter how little sleep I get.

I will not allow anything to take these moments away from my son. Even the tired, sleepless moments in the middle of the night where Tristan is warm and swaddled, fully fed and almost fast asleep, until he urps all over himself while exploding a wonderful gift in his diaper. :)

Motherhood is a Special Task

QUESTION:

More than anything in the world I want to be a good mom to my kids. How can I be the mom God wants me to be?

ANSWER FROM MAX LUCADO:

The virgin birth is more, much more, than a Christmas story. It is a picture of how close Christ will come to you, a mom, as you also bring a child into the world.

Imagine yourself in that story found in Luke 1.

God comes to you and says, “I have a special task for you. A child. A special child that I want to entrust to you. Are you willing to raise this one?”

You stammer, take a breath. “This sounds scary.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll be there with you. This child is special to me. He will be a great child.”

You shake your head. “Such an awesome responsibility. I don’t know if I can do it.”

“Nothing is impossible with me.”

You smile. “I am your servant. I’ll do it.”

Do we think only one child received God’s special attention? Sure, only one was his Son, and an angel sent out those special birth announcements, accompanied by an angelic choir singing “Happy Birthday.” Of course God pulled out all the stops for Jesus’ birth.

But children aren’t randomly born to parents. God orchestrates the right children to be born to the right parents.

Being the mom God wants you to be starts with the understanding of how important your job is in God’s eyes. He entrusts you with one of his own children. He chose you out of all the moms in the world for this one child.

Remember, you, too, are highly favored by God himself to receive such a special gift.

Holy Cow, I'm Going to Have Two Kids!

Obviously, I'm very aware of the fact that I'll be a mom of two kids. And, I'm over-the-moon happy that I get to finally give Ella a younger sibling. That we finally get to be a family of four. That this long-awaited dream is finally about to come true!

But, I guess as we continue to slowly get ready for the little guy, the thought of being a mom of two kids is starting to settle in more. It used to be such an abstract thought, but it's become very real now. And, I think I'm starting to feel uneasy about how this family will adjust to this new life.

It's always just been the three of us. The three amigos! The three musketeers! (You get the picture). Ella's never had to deal with sharing Mommy or Daddy. We have completely revolved our days around Ella and her needs / wants. She's been the center of our lives since she was born, and she knows it. She feels the attention and love we constantly give her.

But now, this attention and love will be shared between her and Tristan. And honestly, I'm a little bit scared. I don't want to completely flip Ella's world upside down. I want the transition into having a baby brother be an easy, natural and happy experience for her. But, I know my Ella. And, I'm fearful that this may not be so easy for her.

I know I have an infinite amount of love stored in my beating Mommy heart. I'm not afraid that I won't have enough love to give to both of them. No way! I guess I'm afraid Ella will not feel as much love because she will see that it'll be shared. Despite there being unlimited love, there is only one Mommy and one Daddy, and I don't want Ella to feel any less love because the love is being shared with her baby brother.

Ella has been very involved in this pregnancy. She's very aware that Tristan will soon be here. She loves on him, hugs him, tells him sweet nothings, but the idea of having an actual baby brother is abstract. It's not real to her yet. She knows what a baby is and she knows what a brother is, but she doesn't know what it means for her in her life. How things are gonna change.

And, it wasn't until I hung up two hooks with two bath towels for two kids in our bathroom that the idea fully settled into my gut. Even Aaron saw the look on my face and was like, "Are you okay?"

My response, "I just can't believe we're finally going to have two kids."

Our pink bunny and our chunky monkey.

So, my prayer and goal are to let Ella always know she's still my #1 girl. She's still the love of my life. And no baby brother will ever take away from the huge imprint she has in my heart. And, I hope that I will be able to show her what infinite love really is. That, even though she will now be sharing my love with Tristan, that my love is immeasurable and indefinite. She is getting no less. Time, on the other hand, is a totally different story.

In any case, saying I'm going to be the mom of two kids feels so good! Soooooo good! :)