"Nothing's cute at 4am"

I'm not gonna lie...Tristan's 4 o'clock feeding is hard.

In a sigh of complete despair, Aaron muttered, "Nothing's cute at 4am" this morning. Yes, even though Tristan is the cutest baby boy, a haze of tiredness can skew that cuteness.

It's not so much the time of the feeding so much as it is that Tristan won't go back to sleep. He's up for the day. Or, at least until mid- to late-morning, then he's ready for a nap.

And, I know, once Aaron's school starts up on Monday and he won't be able to help with Tristan's nighttime adventures, I will struggle. I will be tired. I will lose focus on how blessed I am to have a son to wake up to in the middle of the night. I will feel sorry for myself on how little sleep I'll get.

But, every time one of those self-pity moments comes, I vow to slap myself in the face and remind myself of the following:

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

- Thoughts on Becoming A Mother (Author Unknown)

I have been through so much for Tristan to get here. So much! And, I refuse to forget the 2-1/2 years, the surgeries, the thousands of dollars, the failed IVF cycle, and the emotional toil it took for my dream to come true, no matter how little sleep I get.

I will not allow anything to take these moments away from my son. Even the tired, sleepless moments in the middle of the night where Tristan is warm and swaddled, fully fed and almost fast asleep, until he urps all over himself while exploding a wonderful gift in his diaper. :)