If you want to give God a good laugh, tell him your plans!
Seriously.
Plans never go as...well...planned. Life is just a big bundle of unpredictability. Amen?
I had my "6-week" postpartum appointment yesterday. Obviously, it was more like my 8-week postpartum appointment because my appointment kept getting bounced back. My OB-GYN is a very busy, very popular doctor.
Speaking of which, when I got there, almost every single seat in the waiting room was taken. My doctor had a delivery, so every appointment was delayed 1-1/2 to 2 hours. Fun. Especially since I brought Tristan with me! Luckily, he slept most of the time. :)
It was really hard, though, being surrounded by so many pregnant women. There were six in total, not including the ones that walked in after me. I don't know when I will be able to look at a pregnant woman without that twinge. Not necessarily of jealousy, but of sadness. Sadness to know that I will likely never be pregnant again.
I struck up a conversation with a cute college-aged girl with her mom (her husband was in class). She was 36 weeks along. She immediately started talking about her next pregnancy. I didn't want to tell her there are no guarantees in life, and although she plans to get pregnant right away because she "wants her kids to be close in age," it may not happen. I didn't want to divulge my story to her, so I just smiled.
Once I met with my doctor, he began to tell me about the delivery (if you can call it that) he had earlier that afternoon.
"The baby cost them $30,000 and they lost it."
My heart absolutely sunk to the pit of my stomach. "IVF, obviously?"
"Yes, and they lost the baby at 20 weeks."
There are no guarantees in life.
He then quickly checked my incision line and asked about what birth control I'm going to be on.
When I told him I'm not going on birth control, he completely questioned my decision. I reminded him that Tristan was an IVF baby.
"Do you have your ovaries, tubes and uterus?"
"Yes."
"Does your husband have sperm?"
"Yes, but not very good sperm at all."
Long pause.
"I'll see you in six months for your papsmear and you'll be pregnant."
I have to admit. The thought of his prediction coming true got my heart to race a bit. I'd love to be pregnant again. I'd love to add another child to this family. My heart is so limitless for kids.
So, I guess we'll just have to wait and see what God has in store for this family. We're not going to try, but we're not going to not try. After unsuccessfully getting pregnant the natural way for over 2-1/2 years, it just seems silly and unnecessary to go on birth control, ya know?
There are no guarantees in life.
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8 comments:
We are with ya with not taking bc after the birth. If it happens it would be a (welcomed ) miracle!!
That is terrible about the couple that lost their baby. There are no garauntees and it makes this process ever so much more frightening!
Oh my wouldn't that just be awesome for you & your family!
I declined b.c. with a similar reaction last week. :)
That poor woman (big tears)...I feel her pain cause that was my same story at 22 weeks...but a year and a half ago. No words can ease that pain.
But right there with ya on not trying but not preventing. Since we've been told we have a less than 1% chance of conceiving on our own we're doing diddily squat to prevent it as well...you just never know what God has in store :)
The funny thing is when I asked my doctor if doing nothing would be okay (I didn't know if I would be at an increase risk of m/c). His response just go and make love all you want...in case you were wondering my doc is MALE :)
What a good post, and you're right - there are no guarantees. I had an OB appt last week and I look at those pregnant bellies and want that to be me again. I almost can't even remember being pregnant and it's only been 5 months!! I so hope I get the chance to do it again, but if not, I've been blessed by the little girl I do have. I hope you get another chance too!
I just had this same conversation with the oby/gyn. He said "what are you using" and I said "oh, I have built in b/c so it's really cheap!" His response was similar but- after almost six years of IF and an IVF baby- that just doesn't seem remotely possible. You are right though- never know what God has up his sleeve:] Good post!
They were trying to tell me the same thing before I was discharged at the hospital: My response, "If that happened it would be a miracle I would be more than ecstatic to have happen" (they looked at me like I was insane).
I have to laugh at that comment by your doctor. I would have had the same heart race you did, like "maybe that will really happen to us!" Visiting the OB/GYN setting causes anxiety for me now; I suppose its that I know I'm not visiting because I'm pregnant, and then I wonder if I ever will visit it as a pregnant woman again. Its hard to explain those emotions to anyone who has never been there, as you well know. :)
Oh but my heart goes out to that couple who lost their baby. May God wrap His arms around them.
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