7dp6dt Symptoms and Hope

Well, the week is slowly dwindling away and Saturday is fast approaching (but not fast enough, mind you!).

I figured you all might want to read an update on my symptoms (exciting stuff, right?).

Beginning yesterday (6dp6dt), the severity of my period-like cramps dropped. I mean, the dull ache is still very much there, but the type of pain/discomfort shifted from the pain of an impending period to a fullness, with occasionally sharp twinges on both sides (around my pelvic area). And when I say sharp twinges, I mean, stop me in my tracks and wait for it to pass, pain. I remember feeling similar pains when in my early pregnancy with Ella. :)

Today I have experienced the similar fullness. I feel extremely bloated and I can't suck in my stomach to hide the appearance of such discomfort. I mean, I already have a belly (I am by no means a skinny chick), but my belly is already looking rounder. Obviously, I cannot possibly look pregnant yet, but my insides are surely indicating to me that I am! :)

And, even if I don't look different, my insides are making me feel like this...

Photo courtesy of Google Images.

So, that is where I stand with symptoms. I am probably coming across very hopeful to most of you, and honestly, that is because I really am. I'm hopeful for Saturday's beta to reveal to me that I'm pregnant.

How can it not work?

Well, I am now 5dp6dt. Over halfway there!

My cramping is still very much there. I have definitely decided it is far worse this time around than with my IVF cycle. It makes me so nervous, but, really, I cannot trust anything my body is throwing at me with the amount of medication I'm on. And, there have been many women who have undergone IVF or FET cycles who claim the same symptoms and are now with child (or in some cases, children).

I can be pregnant, but I can also not be. It can go either way.

At this point, it is what it is, and there is nothing I can do to change the outcome.

But, this morning I started thinking, "How can this not work?"

I mean, seriously! How can I not get pregnant from this???

My clinic has a 65.9% success rate for FET. That's remarkably high!

I transferred two beautiful blastocysts, one of which was graded 5AA.

YOU CAN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN 5AA!!!

The transfer was absolutely flawless.

How can this not work???

Please, God, let this work.

4dp6dt Update

After 4 days of rest, I headed back to work today. My job isn't physically demanding or anything. I work as a paralegal at a law office, so I sit at my computer most of the time.

My cramping comes and goes. One minute it feels as if my period will start, but then the next I simply feel a pulling fullness down there. I'm trying to remain optimistic and not focus on it, but gosh, that's pretty much impossible. The cramping is seemingly worse this cycle. That could be a good or a bad thing. I'm praying it's our two bundles of joy snuggling deep inside.

I'm faithfully optimistic, but I'm also painfully realistic. So, my days have pretty much been a battle between the two. :)

I lost track of how many times I have prayed over these babies. I laid in bed last night with tears in my eyes, my hands on my lower belly, just praying. Praying with every ounce of my being. Praying with all of my heart for God to keep these babies safe inside me. Even though they are inside me, their future is out of my hands. Whether they are the ones that will make Ella a big sister is up to God.

On a happy note, the migraine I had the past few days has finally subsided. I don't know what that was all about, but it's either related to a) not drinking my morning dose of caffeine or b) my awful PIO injections. I remember with my IVF cycle, I had excruciating headaches during the latter part of my 9-day wait, so it's likely the same cause as before.

I guess there is really nothing else to report. Just taking the wait one day at a time. Better yet...one minute at a time. Because, honestly, my hope comes and goes in the blink of an eye.

Speaking of which, while driving Ella to school this morning, one of our family's favorite songs, "Blink" by Revive came on the radio, and little Miss Ella just sang her heart out in the back seat. I pulled up at Ella's school sobbing. Thankfully Ella couldn't see. :)

It pains my heart to think how quickly time is passing by. How quickly all our days have become our yesterdays while we are all guilty of being too focused on our tomorrows. Even now, I'm so focused on Saturday's beta that the next few days are nothing but a means to get to my pregnancy test. There is a lot of wonderfulness I'll miss if I do that.

Cramps Make Me So Nervous

I'm feeling more crampy today than yesterday. I know post-transfer cramping is to be expected and completely normal, so I'm not concerned that something is wrong. But, the cramping is so similar to PMS cramps that my mind can't help but go there.

I also feel a heaviness down there. Like, how you feel when your stomach is full, but instead it feels like my uterus is full. LOL! Hopefully filled with two growing babies! :)

It was my plan all along to extend my bed rest into the weekend and simply take it easy (as much as I can with a very excited 4-year old and an overly productive husband). Today, I had the most awful headache/migraine, which definitely made it easy to keep to my moderate bed rest regiment. Hopefully laying low again tomorrow will allow these cramps to work out their business and then LEAVE ME ALONE!

I'm trying not to read too much into these cramps, but it's so hard not to. When I feel the cramping, I can't switch my mind off from feeling it. It's like my body tells my brain, "Pssssst! You feel those cramps? Those feel exactly like PMS cramps, don't they? This FET didn't work. Who are you kidding?"

But, luckily, my heart is more powerful than my brain and in my heart of hearts, I know this worked. I have to keep telling myself that, in order to not let the cramping bring me down.

So, that's my 2dp6dt status update! :)

Bittersweet Injection

Aaron just injected me with my nightly 1cc dose of Progesterone.

Even though I loathe these injections, this one was bittersweet. It could be my last one.

If we find out tomorrow that IVF didn't work, I will be told to stop taking my daily dosage of Estrace and stop with my PIO injections.

If we find out we are pregnant(!!!), I continue the PIO injections for another few weeks.

Hey! I'd do injections every night for nine full months if it meant a healthy pregnancy and baby.

On another note, shortly after I wrote my previous depressing blog post, I went to the bathroom. Exciting stuff, huh? And guess what I saw.

Blood. :(

I immediately freaked out (quietly, to myself), but found that only the small nickel-sized spot of blood was all there was. It was bright red and could not be missed. I thought for sure it was the beginning of my period, but usually my periods don't start out like that. At all.

But, then again, I've never started my period while taking PIO injections.

The spot was scant, not heavy and nothing I've seen before in any of my previous natural cycles. So...could this be good?

I consulted Dr. Google to see what he had to say on spotting (if you an even call it that when it's just one spot) at 8dp5dt and it seems to be a "normal" symptom for women going through a medicated IVF cycle.

Oh, gosh, this just adds to the anxiety I'm already experiencing.

Please, God, help me get through tonight and tomorrow. Help me find peace as Your plan for this IVF cycle is revealed to me. Amen.

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow

Either that, or the storm of infertility will continue to linger over me and I'll look something like this...

All day today I've had dull period-like cramps. These are the exact cramps I feel the day before I start my period. And, guess what! Tomorrow would be the day my period is due.

I'm completely discouraged. My heart is sinking. I had numerous meltdowns at work. All I feel like doing is crying.

Because, I know.

I know IVF didn't work. I know my period is wanting to come, but the PIO injections are stopping it from showing up. I know my body and my body is screaming at me, "You're not pregnant!"

My cramps are shooting down my legs, exactly as they do right before I start my period.

I'm still a little nauseas and the headaches I'm experiencing are awful, but both of those symptoms clearly are from the PIO injections.

I want to take a pregnancy test, to brace myself for the huge fall tomorrow, but Aaron is strongly discouraging it. He's still holding onto the hope that I am pregnant and that tomorrow will be one of the best days of our lives.

So, there you have it. Please keep us in your prayers tomorrow. It's going to be a long day.

Starting to Think This Might've Worked

I so wish the egg retrieval wasn't postponed that extra day. I'd be finding out if I'm pregnant TOMORROW. But instead, I'm only 7dp5dt, and my Beta pregnancy test isn't scheduled until Friday.

I have to tell you, despite the agonizing circle of emotions this wait has put me through, the "two week wait" (well, technically, 9 days since transfer day) has flown by. I thought time would stand still. And even though each day seemingly dragged on and on, the days combined flew into each other.

I think most of it is due to my in-laws visiting. They arrived Saturday (3dp5dt) and just left today. Time always passes faster when routine is interrupted and some fun is brought into the picture. (Not to say my life isn't fun, but you know what I mean!).

As for how I'm feeling...that's hard to answer.

The ups and downs I'm going through is serious business. Literally, my mood can change in the blink of an eye! I can be so filled with hope and positive vibes one minute, and down in the dumps, ready to call it quits the next.

My bum is so sore from the PIO (progesterone in oil) injections. I'm alternating the nightly stabs from left cheek to right cheek, but when the allowed area for Aaron to inject me is so small, it feels each shot is given at the same exact spot. The pain of each shot just adds to the already swollen and bruised area. Ever gotten a shot on a deep bruise? Yeah, not so fun! The shots didn't start out so bad, but with each passing night, it gets worse and worse, because I'm stabbing an area that needs to be left alone to heal, instead of brought more pain. I have big welts that seriously feel like oversized golf balls under my skin. Gross!

My cramps have subsided some, with my worst cramps being from 2dp5dt to 5dp5dt (when the little guy(s) implanted and burrowed deeper into my uterine lining...hopefully). Yesterday and today, the cramps are minimal. They are just annoying cramps that when I think about, I feel, but when I'm busy, I don't feel. Ah, the power of the mind!

As far as other symptoms...

1.  I'm dirt tired. Like, going to bed at 7:30 with my 4-year old tired. I've been getting a lot of sleep, but yet, come mid-afternoon, I'm still ready to crash.

However...I could just be tired from all the hormones and emotions messing with me.

2.  Late yesterday afternoon through right now, I've had a headache. Extra Strength Tylenol does aboslutely nothing for my pain, so I'm just hydrating myself in hopes that it'll help, but nope. I've heard that headaches are sometimes a symptom of early pregnancy.

However...the headache could be a side effect from the hormone medication I'm on. Or, Aaron thinks the headache might be from caffeine withdrawls, since I'm used to a cup of coffee a day and haven't had any since last Wednesday (transfer day). I would think if there were any withdrawals, I would've felt them earlier. I don't know. I've never gone without coffee before! LOL!

3.  My boobs are now getting sore. They haven't been this whole time, which I thought was weird, considering the Estrace (estrogen) tablets and PIO shots should cause some discomfort, but nada...until yesterday. Although only mild, they have now reached a point of noticeable discomfort.
 
However...my boobs always get sore right before I start my period.

4.  Metal taste in my mouth. I've heard women having this sympton in early pregnancy, but never thought anything of it. Beginning yesterday morning, though, I've noticed a metallic taste in my mouth. All the water I've been drinking has a bitter metal taste to it. I don't know how else to describe it other than sticking a nickel in my mouth, sucking on it for a little while, and then having that aftertaste in my mouth.

However...this unexplained taste could be from the PIO injections. Every time Aaron gives me the shot, I can taste it. Seriously! And it's disgusting!

5.  And, last but not least, naueasu has kicked in. Yesterday morning while at work, I noticed I was feeling faint nausea. I texted Aaron and told him, and his response was a quick, "Well, duh, you're pregnant!" :) I felt it throughout the day yesterday, especially near dinner time again, and when I got to work this morning, the feeling resurfaced.

However...the metal taste in my mouth can be making me feel nauseaus.

Quiz:

What can be causing most, if not all, the symptoms described above?

(a) Pregnancy
(b) Period
(c) Hormones/medication/injections
(d) All of the above.

If you answered (d), you are correct.

As Will Ferrell in Anchorman puts it best, "I'm in a glass case of emotion!"