Double Digits, Baby!

I have fallen off the blog bandwagon. Finding time to sit down is just not happening right now. I miss it. A lot. But working, keeping up with the house and spending time with my family are top priorities right now, especially the latter. My kids consume all my time!

But, even though my blog has unfortunately been lagging, my weight loss journey has not. I am ever-so-diligently trucking along at my weight loss goal.

And, it's paying off!

As of this morning, I am down 13 pounds since committing to losing weight (9 of which is pre-pregnancy weight). I still haven't reached my pre-infertility weight, but if I keep up this hard work, I hope to reach that goal soon. 13 pounds in approximately six weeks is not too shabby at all, and honestly, I'm quite proud of myself for keeping it up. It's no easy feat for me.

I promise to write a longer, most interesting post in the near future. There is A LOT going on. But, for now, Ella just woke up, Tristan's grunting in his swing and I think his morning "slammer" is waiting for me, and I have two hours to get ready for work. That used to be more than enough time, but now...it barely feels adequate! LOL! :)

A Child's Ten Commandments to Parents

1. My hands are small; please don’t expect perfection whenever I make a bed, draw a picture, or throw a ball. My legs are short; please slow down so that I can keep up with you.

2. My eyes have not seen the world as yours have; please let me explore safely: don’t restrict me unnecessarily.

3. Housework will always be there. I’m only little such a short time; please take time to explain things to me about this wonderful world, and do so willingly.

4. My feelings are tender; please be sensitive to my needs; don’t nag me all day long. (You wouldn’t want to be nagged for your inquisitiveness.) Treat me as you would like to be treated.

5. I am a special gift from God; please treasure me as God intended you to do, holding me accountable for my actions, giving me guidelines to live by, and disciplining me in a loving manner.

6. I need your encouragement, but not your praise, to grow. Please go easy on the criticism; remember you can criticize the things I do without criticizing me.

7. Please give me the freedom to make decisions concerning myself. Permit me to fail, so that I can learn from my mistakes. Then someday I’ll be prepared to make the kind of decisions life requires of me.

8. Please don’t do things over for me. Somehow that makes me feel that my efforts didn’t quite measure up to your expectations. I know it’s hard, but please don’t try to compare me with my brother or my sister.

9. Please don’t be afraid to leave for a weekend together. Kids need vacations from parents, just as parents need vacations from kids. Besides, it’s a great way to show us kids that your marriage is very special.

10. Please take me to Sunday school and church regularly, setting a good example for me to follow. I enjoy learning more about God.

I know I needed to read this. How about you? :)

By: Dr. Kevin Leman

He's Always Watching

I'm not talking about God here, although He, too, is always watching.

I'm talking about my little man.

Lately I've discovered just how in tuned to everything Tristan is.

He used to just be a "blob," as Aaron called him. Just there. Unaware of anything and everything.

But, I can now see his little brain working. He's associating things, remembering things, discovering things. He is always watching.

Even in the most mindless of activities, like while I'm watching TV and he's in my arms, he's staring up at my face. He doesn't know what the TV is. He just knows is mama's face, and so he stares.

A couple times, in fact, not having a clue in the world while watching a show, I look down to find him smiling at me! Smiling!

Melt me into a puddle of goo, why don't you?

When in the room, he follows me with his eyes.

When changing his diaper, his focus doesn't leave my face.

While doing anything with him in my arms, he doesn't care what it is that I'm doing. He just stares at my face.

How I wish life wasn't so busy that I could just stare back at him all day.

And, as he watches and stares, it made me realize that even though he's only two months old, the discoveries and observations he's making may already be making an impact on him. Very slight impact, but still. He can probably sense happiness and joy, just as he can sense anger and frustration. He can probably understand that loud laughter is different than loud yelling.

So, just as with Ella, I am going to make a conscious effort to put into his world goodness, for the most important lessons in a child's life are caught, not taught. And, other than the germs that this family seems to be sharing (we're constantly battling colds right now), I vow to be a good role model to Tristan. And, I hope to help Ella understand the importance that she will have in Tristan's life, for as an older sibling, there will be no greater role model in this little man's life, than her.

Because, when Tristan's not watching Aaron or me, you better believe he has his little baby blues glued onto big sister. :)

What I Want to Remember (1 to 2 Months)

Oh, Tristan. You are growing up way too fast. I knew that would happen, and it stinks! You're such a happy boy. It's hard for me to remember Ella at this age, but both Daddy and I cannot recall her being as happy as you are. (Don't tell her we said that!). You smile all the time, and you go days without crying. Well, unless we ignore your efforts in telling us what you want, that is, then you let it all out. But, if we see what you need and give you what you need, no tears are shed. You're really very mellow. I've said that from the beginning and you haven't proven otherwise...yet.

So, what I want to remember during this month is:

• Your smile! Your amazing little smile. You love to show it off all the time now and it melts my heart every time. When you smile, I smile! How can I not look down at that huge grin and not? You are just too cute.

• You have a screech noise that is really cute that usually means one thing...I'm tired. Either that, or I'm hungry, but usually it's, "Get me comfortable in your arms and let me fall asleep...NOW!" I'd like to think there's a "please" in there, but this noise is pretty demanding. :)

• Your hair is ever-so-slowly coming in. It's dark-ish. Not quite as dark as my hair, but not nearly as light as Daddy and Sister's hair. In the sunlight, it looks auburn, as do your eye lashes, but your eyebrows are clearly blonde. So, your guess is as good as mine as to what your "true" color will be when you get older. Same goes with your eyes. Some days they look more gray than blue, some days more blue than gray. I'm still holding out hope that you'll have blue-ish eyes like Daddy, but you'll be my handsome little guy no matter what!

• You are happiest in the morning and right before bed. I call it your "play" time. I put you on a blanket in the middle of the family room and you just go to town, pumping your legs and arms to and fro, cooing, smiling...it's my favorite time with you. You're just a happy clam. But, as if you're on a timer, you eventually get fussy and it's time to move onto your favorite activity...being held!

• Your grunts are extreme, and sometimes quite embarrassing. People who hear it think you're going potty, and I usually just go along with it, but really, I know you're just "talking."

• You are sleeping better though the night. The first stretch has been consistently 5 hours long. It feels so good to sleep that many hours straight, so keep up the good work little man. However, after that, you are unpredictable and rather difficult. You kinda go back to sleep after your first feeding, but within an hour, your grunts start. You're not grumpy, you're just waking up and moving around. So, I listen and doze off, then listen some more, and doze off. Once the grunts escalate to a point that I know you'll be crying soon, I get up. Sometimes you fall back asleep before you hit that point, so I play the waiting game. So, we do another feeding, at which time you hardly eat anything. Nothing worth waking up for, especially since your diaper is always fine. And this is when Mommy has to be very patient with you. You just don't want to go to sleep after this feeding. So, usually, I bring you into bed with me so I can get a little bit more sleep. However, lately, you don't even want to do that. You just want to be awake! Rise and shine at 4:00 or 5:00 in the morning. It may seem like a good idea to you, little man, but you'll see someday that it's really not. So, to not keep Daddy up, you and I go in the family room and I try to get you to lay on the couch with me, and when that doesn't happen, I put you in your swing and I lay next to you. This time of the morning is called "trial and error." Eventually you fall back asleep, but that's at the time Sister is about to wake up. You little turkey!

• You are really starting to look at faces, rather than aimlessly at walls. I love when you recognize my face and give me a big ol' smile. You also turn to our voices, even Sister's voice, and it makes me so happy to know you're becoming familiar with us.

• You are doing better in the car seat. You don't scream at the top of your lungs anymore, but you give this look like, "I really, really don't want to go in there." You usually fall asleep, though, and you have no recollection of where we went or how long we were out. Ah, the life of a baby. :)

• You are really starting to grab things now. You held onto your bottle, albeit with closed fists, but I'm sure you'll be holding it for good soon enough. You grab my hair all the time, and you have pulled some of Daddy's chest hair out. Owie! You're always holding onto our hands. If our hands are anywhere near yours, you find them and hold onto them for dear life. Even Sister complains that you squeeze too hard. That's my boy...strong from finger to toe! :)

• You wear solely 3-month clothing. Whenever Daddy accidentally puts newborn-sized clothing on, you are busting at the seams. Your cheeks look bigger than they already are! Speaking of which, you are finally getting rolls on your legs. The cute baby fat is inching its way onto your legs and arms. No more skinny frog legs. We're gonna have some thunder thighs on you in a bit! Nothing like a rolly baby! :)

That's all for now, son. I love you more than you will ever know. You have filled this family with so much happiness. We all had empty Tristan-sized spots in each of our hearts that you have abundantly filled. None of us can imagine life without you. You and your sister are our everything.

There Are No Guarantees in Life

If you want to give God a good laugh, tell him your plans!

Seriously.

Plans never go as...well...planned. Life is just a big bundle of unpredictability. Amen?

I had my "6-week" postpartum appointment yesterday. Obviously, it was more like my 8-week postpartum appointment because my appointment kept getting bounced back. My OB-GYN is a very busy, very popular doctor.

Speaking of which, when I got there, almost every single seat in the waiting room was taken. My doctor had a delivery, so every appointment was delayed 1-1/2 to 2 hours. Fun. Especially since I brought Tristan with me! Luckily, he slept most of the time. :)

It was really hard, though, being surrounded by so many pregnant women. There were six in total, not including the ones that walked in after me. I don't know when I will be able to look at a pregnant woman without that twinge. Not necessarily of jealousy, but of sadness. Sadness to know that I will likely never be pregnant again.

I struck up a conversation with a cute college-aged girl with her mom (her husband was in class). She was 36 weeks along. She immediately started talking about her next pregnancy. I didn't want to tell her there are no guarantees in life, and although she plans to get pregnant right away because she "wants her kids to be close in age," it may not happen. I didn't want to divulge my story to her, so I just smiled.

Once I met with my doctor, he began to tell me about the delivery (if you can call it that) he had earlier that afternoon.

"The baby cost them $30,000 and they lost it."

My heart absolutely sunk to the pit of my stomach. "IVF, obviously?"

"Yes, and they lost the baby at 20 weeks."

There are no guarantees in life.


He then quickly checked my incision line and asked about what birth control I'm going to be on.

When I told him I'm not going on birth control, he completely questioned my decision. I reminded him that Tristan was an IVF baby.

"Do you have your ovaries, tubes and uterus?"

"Yes."

"Does your husband have sperm?"

"Yes, but not very good sperm at all."

Long pause.

"I'll see you in six months for your papsmear and you'll be pregnant."

I have to admit. The thought of his prediction coming true got my heart to race a bit. I'd love to be pregnant again. I'd love to add another child to this family. My heart is so limitless for kids.

So, I guess we'll just have to wait and see what God has in store for this family. We're not going to try, but we're not going to not try. After unsuccessfully getting pregnant the natural way for over 2-1/2 years, it just seems silly and unnecessary to go on birth control, ya know?

There are no guarantees in life.