Weighing In

I haven't updated you all on my weight loss journey, since I first mentioned I would be joining WeightWatchers. Because of the holidays and family visiting, I didn't really start the program until the beginning of the New Year. But, since I last weighed myself before Christmas, I have lost 6 pounds.

That means I'm 2 pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight!

Boo-yah!

I can't really tell a difference yet. I still have the baby gut, but I hope that slowly disappears. Just gotta start using my ab muscles. Haven't used them for quite some time. :)

I'd like to lose 30 pounds, but I'm not going to be overly zealous about this. For me, I just have to take one day...one meal...at a time.

The Power of Now

I am just now getting around to finishing The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, and although boring at times, it has a lot of insight that I thought I'd share with you all.

Back on June 26, 2010, I wrote this post about living in the present. Aren't we all too guilty of discounting our present moment by focusing too much on the future? I know I put too much emphasis on all my tomorrows, even before they become my todays. I know I worry (probably, no...definitely, more than the average person), and by doing such, I am not living in the now. If I would just focus on the NOW, and not belittle the blessings each moment holds, I think I'd transform myself into a totally different, better person.

While reading The Power of Now, I highlighted ideas / statements / thoughts that I fought insightful, and while re-reading those highlights, I thought it'd be beneficial to share some of them.

• The realization I am that is prior to I am this or I am that. (page 14)

• You see and judge the present through the eyes of the past and get a totally distorted view of it. (page 18)

• In your everyday life, you can practice [becoming intensely conscious of the present moment] by taking any routine activity that normally is only a means to an end and giving it your fullest attention. (page 20)

• Emotion arises at the place where mind and body meet. It is the body's reaction to your mind - or you might say, a reflection of your mind in the body. (page 25)

• If you really want to know your mind, the body will always give you a truthful reflection, so look at the emotion, or rather feel it in your body. If there is an apparent conflict between [your thought and your emotion], the thought will be the lie, the emotion will be the truth. (page 26)

• Make it a habit to ask yourself: What's going on inside me at this moment? (page 27)

• By dwelling mentally on the situation, event or person that is perceived cause of the emotion, the thought feeds energy to the emotion, which in turn energizes the thought pattern. (page 28)

• Even when the sky is heavily overcast, the sun hasn't disappeared. It's still there on the other side of the clouds. (page 30)

• All cravings are the mind seeking salvation or fulfillment in external things and in the future as a substitute for the joy of Being. (page 31)

• Realize deeply that the persent moment is all you ever have. Make the Now the primary focus of your life. (page 35)

• What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to something that already is? What could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. (page 35)

• Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. (page 35)

Cinder-Ella

My daughters loves to dance.

Sometimes, right when she gets home from school, she asks that I turn the music on so she can dance.

At night, she asks that we turn music on so she can watch her reflection in our sliding glass door while she twirls around.

A day does not pass that she doesn't dance.

She's always yelling out, "Mommy, watch! Daddy, watch!" and seems to learn new exciting moves everyday! I would definitely say dancing is her #1 passion.

Dressing up (or anything related to clothes) is a close second. So, naturally, before she begins dancing, she dresses herself up.

Well, this day, Ella decided she needed a Prince Charming to dance with, so she asked Daddy if she would be her Prince Charming and dance with her. Aaron took the role very seriously, and after being in the bedroom for awhile, came out in slacks, a dress-up shirt and tie. Ella was so excited! She then adorned him in jewelry and a crown, and they began to dance.

And, of course, I couldn't help but play "Cinderella" by Steven Curtis Chapman for them to dance to. How could I not? The opportunity perfectly presented itself.

I cried (and you'll hear it in my voice) while watching the two of them dance. And, I can't help but tear up a bit every time I watch this video. I am just so lucky.

Here's the video...

"Nothing's cute at 4am"

I'm not gonna lie...Tristan's 4 o'clock feeding is hard.

In a sigh of complete despair, Aaron muttered, "Nothing's cute at 4am" this morning. Yes, even though Tristan is the cutest baby boy, a haze of tiredness can skew that cuteness.

It's not so much the time of the feeding so much as it is that Tristan won't go back to sleep. He's up for the day. Or, at least until mid- to late-morning, then he's ready for a nap.

And, I know, once Aaron's school starts up on Monday and he won't be able to help with Tristan's nighttime adventures, I will struggle. I will be tired. I will lose focus on how blessed I am to have a son to wake up to in the middle of the night. I will feel sorry for myself on how little sleep I'll get.

But, every time one of those self-pity moments comes, I vow to slap myself in the face and remind myself of the following:

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

- Thoughts on Becoming A Mother (Author Unknown)

I have been through so much for Tristan to get here. So much! And, I refuse to forget the 2-1/2 years, the surgeries, the thousands of dollars, the failed IVF cycle, and the emotional toil it took for my dream to come true, no matter how little sleep I get.

I will not allow anything to take these moments away from my son. Even the tired, sleepless moments in the middle of the night where Tristan is warm and swaddled, fully fed and almost fast asleep, until he urps all over himself while exploding a wonderful gift in his diaper. :)

What I Want to Remember (0 to 1 Month)

I cannot believe that Tristan is one month old today! He is 1/12th of a year old! When I think of it that way, it makes me sad. I just know his first year is going to fly by. And, as a means to savor every moment with this little man, I plan on beginning a monthly blog series called "What I Want to Remember" where I will document the little things that I would otherwise forget.

What I want to remember about Tristan:

• His grunts. When he wakes up, it takes him a very long time to work up to a cry. He just grunts...and grunts...and grunts.

• His raptor noises. Do you remember the raptors from Jurassic Park? If so, picture that noise coming from a newborn baby boy. It is so funny! Aaron and I said, "He's raptoring it up." He mainly makes this noise when he's stretching.

• If he could be held 24/7, that would eliminate so much fussing and crying. He loves to be held. And, it doesn't matter who holds him, so if he's in the right mood, Ella can hold him while she watches a show and he would be totally content.

• The power of the boob. If he's fussy and clearly tired, nursing him puts him to sleep right away. And I mean, within seconds!

• I have to pump at night and then feed him pumped milk because he just falls asleep while nursing. It's an absolute pain, but this way, I know how much he's eating and he doesn't fall asleep while drinking from a bottle.

• His nighttime routine varies, but he typically goes to bed between 9:00 and 10:00, then wakes up between 12:00 and 1:00, stays up for an hour, then wakes up again between 4:00 and 5:00. This second feeding is the hardest because he is very awake and getting him back to sleep is near impossible. He's ready to start the day, but this mama is not! Actually, getting him back to sleep is not hard, it's laying him in his bassinet that is hard. The mili-second he feels his weight shifting to be placed in the bassinet, he starts grunting. Since this changing/feeding/rocking session is done around the time Aaron would usually be getting up for work (right now he's on Christmas break - he's a teacher), I just bring Tristan back into bed with me. He sleeps perfectly fine in my arms or right next to me. I just need that extra hour of sleep before Ella wakes up. And, then Ella climbs into bed with me when she wakes up, and although groggy, sleep-deprived and somewhat grumpy (I'm not a morning person until I get some coffee in me), these two blessings fill my heart with so much joy.

• He loves baths. He goes into them crying and comes out of them crying (if we don't get the towel around him fast enough), but while in the tub, he is perfectly content. I lay the warm washcloth on his tummy, and he's simply in Heaven.

• He has such a strong grip, and his arms are as big as his legs. I have a feeling he's going to have the athletic build that Daddy has.

• He's not a fan of the car seat, but loves car rides.

• I'm still not producing enough milk, so he's having to drink formula about 50% of the time. I either feed him or pump every 2-1/2 hours during the day, and then every time he wakes me up at night, but I still cannot make enough. This wasn't an issue with Ella, so I'm pretty bummed. Thankfully, Tristan can latch onto me and drink from a bottle without any nipple confusion.

• The most he's eaten during one sitting is 5 oz.

• Tristan does not like to be changed (clothes or diaper), but when he's not being changed, he loves his changing table. (Go figure!). In fact, one time, he fell asleep while waiting for me to change his diaper.

• And, last but not least, Tristan is binky handicapped. Ella was power sucking on her binky straight out of the womb. I have pictures of her at the hospital, perfectly content with that oversized binky in her mouth. Tristan, on the other hand, can't seem to suck it right. It goes in and then nearly all the way out, and then he quickly sucks it back in. It's actually really funny to watch. If we hold it in his mouth, the sucking soothes him and it helps him fall asleep, but if we don't hold him, it torpedoes out of his mouth. No joke! :)