This and That

Physical therapy for my lower back pain has been going well. I can't say that my back is completely feeling better, though. I have good days and bad days and how I feel doesn't seem contingent on if I'm doing the exercises. I'm being as consistent with my exercises and icing as I can, and lately Ella has been showing interest in doing the exercises with me! She's like my personal trainer, telling me what stretch to do next and then telling me, "Good job, Mommy!"

Ella studying her next stretch.

With that amount of toys, it's hard to believe it's our living room and not Ella's bedroom!

Studying again.

Using a beach ball as her exercise ball. She's just too funny.

I pray my back starts feeling better. I'm tired of having this constant pain. Committing to my back exercises and icing sessions goes along with my quest to living a healthy lifestyle.

In other news, Aaron and I have officially started our kitchen cabinet remodeling! Aaron took off the handles while I cleaned the surface with TSP. This is all we'll be able to get done until this weekend because tomorrow we're heading to the Stanislaus County Fair with my parents, Aaron's cousin and husband are visiting Thursday and then we're heading to my grandparents' place on Friday. Nothing like having some fun-filled dates planned with people we love.

Next step is to take the cabinet doors off and start the sanding madness.

I made a diagram of our cabinet doors, giving them each a number for labeling. We have 33 cabinet doors altogether! This is going to be one long project! I'm hoping its complete by the time Aaron's school year begins.

White cabinets will definitely brighten up our kitchen. I'm so excited!

Infertility Fifteen

I'm sure you've all heard about the infamous "freshman fifteen." Some freshmen in college end the year weighing more...whether it be five, ten, fifteen, or even twenty pounds more.

Well, the same unfortunate luck applies to me, except I'm packed on the INFERTILITY FIFTEEN! Being an emotional eater and going through this emotional battle can only mean one thing...pound influx!

But, on top of that, fertility drugs soak in the pounds like a sponge. A sponge that isn't so easily wrung out! I was on Clomid for a total of seven months! Not only was I an emotional, psychotic mess, but month by month, the pounds slowly started to add on. The drug messes with a woman's hormone balance and if a woman's hormone balance is tampered with, weight is usually affected as well. It is much like the birth control pill where many women sometimes experience weight gain. Nothing in their diet is changed...just that hormone change! Darn hormones!

Our "2-year anniversary" of trying to conceive is just around the corner. At that time, Aaron and I plan on being very aggressive to conceive our second child. How aggressive? We haven't decided yet. But, we'll be consulting an infertility specialist to see what he/she feels our best options are.

Until that time, Aaron and I have both committed to a healthier lifestyle. It's only common sense that if each of us (especially me) are healthier and at a healthier weight, then all aspects of our bodies are in better shape and working at full potential. Even though Aaron and I conceived Ella quickly and naturally without changing our lifestyle choices, committing to a healthier lifestyle may be the extra step keeping Aaron and me from conceiving this time around.

Wish us luck and keep us in your prayers as we have now approached our 23rd month of trying to conceive. This journey has tested our relationship in all directions, but the best direction it has moved us is forward! Our commitment and love to each other and each other's happiness have infinitely grown over the past 23 months and I have this journey, although unfortunate, to thank for that.

Needless to say, we are soooooo ready for this journey to come to an end! SpongeBob says it best...

I Can Breathe Now

Arrival Date:	Sunday, July 18, 2010
Flight Number:	2989

	City	Scheduled Time	Estimated Time	Current Status	Gate
Departure	Portland (PDX)	06:25 PM		Departed	C15
Arrival	Sacramento (SMF)	07:50 PM	09:30 PM	Landed	A17

For whatever reason, flying makes me nervous, and with Aaron texting me that he overheard PDX employees talking about some planes breaking down, that just added to my anxiety. I had been refreshing the flight status page for the past fifteen minutes and it just now showed, "Landed!"

Thank you, God, for bringing my husband back to me safely. Now, just to make the 2-hour drive home from the Sacramento airport.

Oh, I can't wait for a big Aaron hug!

What We Did While Aaron Was Away

Aaron comes home today! YAY!!! I cannot express how badly Ella and I missed him. Our daily routines were just so empty. Nonetheless, Ella and I kept very busy which allowed for time to just fly by. So, what exactly did we do these past five days? Well, other than the usual routine of work, school, ballet, cooking, cleaning, time with my parents...

I embarked on the amazing task of going through tons (like, fifteen total!) of unlabeled boxes in our garage. Ella's baby clothes, our camping gear, our Christmas decorations and other miscellaneous items were pretty much stored away in boxes that somehow kept together (although a couple of them completely fell apart when I took them off the shelf...that was fun!). It has been my intention to go through everything and get things organized, but time just never permitted it. Aaron being gone presented the perfect opportunity to get down and dirty.

The pile of clothes in the picture below is probably only one-quarter of all the clothes I actually had to go through. It took FOREVER! If God blesses us with another girl, we are SET!!!

Ella was a sport and helped me fold clothes. She is so much like me...loves to organize and create piles. She mostly had fun going through old baby toys, though. Most are all packed away again, but she fell in love with a baby giraffe that she, in fact, took to show & tell. So, this buddy of hers isn't getting re-packed. I tried, but she wouldn't allow it.

The final product! Pure organization! Sheer ecstasy!

I wish I have a before picture to show you the difference. The before picture would've been pretty embarrassing, though. Haha! The blue tubs are camping gear and then I have green tubs for all our Christmas decorations. That way, instead of having to go through every box when going camping again or when Christmas rolls around, we'll know what to grab. What a time saver!

So, you're probably wondering how all of this organization was fun for Ella? Well...while going through all the boxes, we came across a princess tent. So, of course I had to set it up for her. Needless to say, she's been spending lots of her time each day in there with her chosen "buddies."

In fact, she almost fell asleep in there a couple times. Notice what her pillow is? A boppy pillow! Yet another treasure discovered while going through boxes.

Aaron is so spoiled! On top of coming home to an organized garage, he also gets to come home to a brand new tool chest. His countless tools were always sprawled around the garage. He has an orange toolbox that holds a good amount of them, but not nearly all of them, especially after receiving my parents' birthday gift to him...TONS OF TOOLS! (Not sure if that was a hint or what!).

Here are some pictures taken before Ella left for her last day in Mrs. VanDyke's class. Aaron took the SLR camera to Portland, so these pictures didn't turn out as good as I would've liked. Ella is still hands down the most beautiful girl in the world, though!

Most of our Christmas decorations are in the rafters in our garage, so I have to wait for Aaron to get those for me to go through, but I did find a box of Christmas lights. Ella was so excited and wanted to immediately put them up. So, I wrapped them around her bed. She can't sleep with them on at night, but are loads of fun for her during the day!

What would mother/daughter bonding be without a movie night?!? Bring on the pepperoni pizza...

...and Ice Age 3!

And last, but not least, Ella (and I) made Aaron a small book (made with index cards) of why Ella loves Daddy.

I would help give Ella ideas as to why she loves Daddy. What I wrote in black is what I said and then what I wrote in color was what she said in response. It was so much fun! And she patiently outlined all 25 index cards for me. Her artistry definitely comes from Aaron.

Hope you all have a wonderful end to your weekend!

Not Ready

Yesterday was Ella's last day in Mrs. VanDyke's 3-year old classroom. I was somewhat caught off guard because most kids are transferring to the 4-year old class in September (the beginning of the next school year), but because Ella is taking the month of July off, the preschool director thought it'd be easiest transitioning Ella to the new classroom after her break, than having her go to her 3-year old class in August and then move to the 4-year old class in September.

It makes sense, right? Am I easily accepting it? No!

Lately I have been refusing to accept Ella is growing up. I envisioned that once she was in preschool (the 4-year old class) that I'd either be pregnant or have a baby! In fact, when I enrolled Ella for her 3-year old class (in March 2009, after having tried to conceive for six months already), I had confidently told the director that we will likely have a baby while she's in school and will want him/her to be enrolled in the infant care program. She made note in Ella's file and said that wouldn't be a problem. And here it is July 2010, and I'm still not pregnant. I can no longer confidently say that I will be pregnant in the future. So much of my hope and confidence have left...but there is still that little amount left...and that little amount is all I need to not give up and to remain hopeful.

Anyway, when I found out about Ella moving to the 4-year old class early, tears surfaced...right there in front of Ella's teacher and classmates (who she calls her "buddies"). I couldn't help it! I think I cried more this time than when I dropped Ella off for the first day of her 3-year old class (actually, I take that back!).

And, Ella...oh my sweet, sympathetic, darling daughter...read my emotions and when I was leaving, my typical kiss on the forehead and quick squeeze didn't cut it. She yelled, "Mommy! Big hug! big kiss!" as I was heading to the door. I knelt down and I enveloped her in the longest hug I think I've ever had from her. I tried to pull away a couple times, but she just squeezed even harder in return. She then kissed me numerous times. I walked back to the car with my heart full, my head low and my eyes dripping tears.

I don't know what is making this next step so hard to accept...Ella actually growing up or Ella growing older by the day without a younger sibling anywhere in sight. The picture of my "ideal family" has been erased. Ever since I could grasp the concept of being a mom, I've always wanted four kids, each of them no more than 3 years apart in age. Little did I know that planning things like that is not something I can control. Ella is 3 years and 9 months old! My gosh...how naive I was to think I could control timing my perfect little family.

But just because my ideal family isn't unfolding as I had planned, it doesn't mean God's perfect family isn't in the making. Even though I'm not pregnant, God knows the very day...the very second, in fact...that we will be blessed with our little miracle. I just have to hold onto that hope.