Is the Unknown Supposed to be Scary?

If you would have told me it'd take me over 1-1/2 years to get pregnant, I wouldn't have believed you.  And I still don't know when my time will come.  But, would I want to know even if I could?  Would I have wanted to know 1-1/2 years ago that today, I would still not be pregnant?  No way!  Because that would mean during each of those days from then until now, I would've lived my days absent of hope.  I would not have walked through life with my head held high, showing that I am strong and that, with God's help, I can get through each day, knowing that each day brings me closer to my second pregnancy!

Living through the unknown may be unbearable at times, but life is all about the unknown.  Each day can bring a wonderful surprise or a devastating reality.  Cancer so soon knocks on people's doors.  My wonderful father-in-law was diagnosed with cancer at a ripe young age of 51 years.  He is fighting it and his cancer is now dormant, but there is still the unknown of how long it'll remain dormant?  If more treatment will be necessary, and what kind?  Chemo?  When, if at all, will this happen?  Motorcycle accidents break a family apart, leaving a young wife, 3 daughters and a mom left to question God, "Why?"  An incurable disease may creep into your life or the life of a loved one.  There truly is no telling what tomorrow will bring.  But, what other option is there, but to stand up tall and hope for a better tomorrow!

But is the "unknown" supposed to be scary?  Am I supposed to walk through my infertility with fear...fear that I won't ever bear a second child?  Do each of us wake up every morning timidly, afraid of what the day may bring?  No!  Not knowing what the day will bring is somethings the best part!  Because with uncertainty comes hope.  There cannot be hope when you know the outcome, there can only be hope when you don't know!  This is why I'm focused on living a life filled with hope.  It's is the most positive emotion I can embody when living through the unknown.

I'm 8 days past ovulation (dpo) today and the cramps are in full force.  My cramps predictably begin about a week before my period starts, so the fact that they started yesterday, to be exact, makes me believe they are PMS cramps.  So, I am realistically expecting my period to start early next week, but hoping that these cramps may, in fact, be early pregnancy cramps.  I've read so many articles on-line that say pregnancy symptoms and PMS symptoms are identical.  I remember with Ella I had cramping, but that wasn't until after I found out I was pregnant.  Or maybe I'm just too in tuned to my body now, feeling every feeling, pinpointing each pinch or cramp?  I don't know.  Time will tell, I suppose.  The two-week wait is so emotionally draining!

Aaron and I have discussed the prospect of my period starting and what our next step will be.  We have decided to go forward with an IUI.  Hopefully it doesn't come to that, but if it does, we are ready to walk down that road together, hand in hand.