Worrying is the Opposite of Having Faith

Sometimes I have to slap myself silly with how much I worry.  I'm a natural-born worry wart.  Even after God proves to me that He is in control of my life, I still worry.  But living a Christian life is not about living a life full of worry or fear, it's about living a life of faith and hope.

Even so, I was worried all weekend because I had been testing with OPKs since last Monday (cycle day 10), which is what my doctor instructed, but all of my tests kept coming back negative, meaning there was no LH surge, which occurs directly before ovulating.  I was starting to worry that maybe my doctor may be right to think the cause of my infertility was due to lack of ovulation.  After Friday passed (cycle day 14), which is mid-cycle, the worrying kicked in, especially since my cycles are typically like clockwork (28 days).  I tried to remain faithfully optimistic that God would provide, but I struggled.

However, this morning, I got a positive ovulation predictor test!!!  I immediately called my doctor and she performed a sonogram first thing this morning.  My doctor said the Clomid must've delayed ovulation, which apparently is a frequent side effect.  Talk about relief!  As for my sonogram, she first checked the follicles on my right side, and the biggest ones were only 1 mm, which is not nearly big enough for ovulation (2 mm or more is necessary).  I felt a tug of worry and fear.  What if I wasn't ovulating properly?  What if the follicles were not big enough?

So, my doctor then checked my left side and even before she told me, I knew the good news!  Usually I can't decipher anything on the screen, but I immediately saw this massive circle.  The follicle measured to be 3 mm, which she said means there was hyperstimulation of my ovaries, which is also a side effect of Clomid.  No wonder I was having such awful pains!  She then progressed to check if there was fluid behind my uterus (remember me telling you that it's a sign that ovulation has recently occurred?).  Well, sure enough, there was fluid!  So, she predicts that I'm ovulating TWICE this month (thanks to the Clomid), meaning I'm releasing two eggs!  And yes, you guessed it, that means there would be a chance of having twins.  I just pray one of those eggs fertilizes.  She told me to get home and get busy, and as you can imagine, I blushed when she told me that.

On another note, this Spring California weather is absolutely wonderful.  Ella and I spend most of our afternoons together outdoors.  It's hard not to when it's just so perfect outside!  With the sunshine and cool breeze, I can't help but feel an overwhelming presence of God.  Sometimes I find myself closing my eyes, taking in a deep breath of the fresh air and thanking God for the gift of today, the power of now, the beauty of the present.  We recently bought 4 Queen Palms for our backyard, and once those are all planted, it'll be even nicer to hang out in our work-in-progress backyard.  I'm looking forward to warmer weather, longer days and evening BBQs!