36 Weeks

How Far Along: 36 weeks!

Size of Baby: Tristan is more than 18-1/2 inches long and over 6 pounds!

Picture of Baby:  None, but picture a newborn baby in a lot of goo!

36 Weeks: Tristan is shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered his body as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that covered and protected his skin during his nine-month amniotic bath. Tristan swallows both of these substances, along with other secretions, resulting in a blackish mixture, called meconium, that will form the contents of his first bowel movement. (Information taken from BabyCenter's website). (Wow, super gross weekly update!).

Weight Gain: Yes.

Belly Pic: I think I look the same as last week, although my mom did say I'm really bulging out now. I feel it, too. I feel Tristan dropping, but yet he's still kicking my ribs. He's everywhere in there!

Sleep: Ugh!

Best Moment of the Week: Just the interaction I've been having with Tristan. We are seriously "one," and I have this inner sense of when he's going to move, if he's sleeping and for how much longer, if he will like what I eat or not. I can even lightly touch my stomach and he'll respond. If I push certain spots, he's sure to respond with a vigorous jab, as if to say, "Yes, mom, I'm still here. Now lay off!" :) He's very predictable in his movements and behavior. Hopefully it'll be the same when he's finally here.

Movement: Shake, rattle, roll, baby!

Symptoms: Braxton Hicks contractions! Yikes! And, exhaustion by the end of the day. Moving around like I used to is just not happening, and I LOVE how Aaron is realizing it and has totally picked up on so many things. He sees me trying to do little things, like carry a full laundry basket across our house, and he's like, "No, let me get that!" I love him!

Food Cravings: I'll eat whatever is put in front of me, but unfortunately morning sickness has paid me for another visit and has been making it difficult for me to keep my breakfast down for the past couple weeks. It's no fun.

What I Miss: Good, solid comfortable sleep.

What I'm Looking Forward to: My ultrasound on Friday. This is the first one in four months that Aaron's able to attend. The last one he went to was when we found out we're having a boy. It'll be a big family affair!

Weekly Wisdom: Rest up! A clean house only lasts for so long until it's messy again, so don't put effort into it. (And pray your husband understands). Tristan needs me to rest, and when I'm too active, I can feel the toll on my body, with major cramps, contractions, tightness and discomfort.

Milestones: One more week until Tristan is considered "full-term." Full-term babies are born between 37 weeks and 42 weeks. 20 more days until my life changes. :)

How A Woman Thinks is Often How She Lives

How often does your own self-doubt, anxiety or overall fear stop you from living out the life you want? How often do you feel a dream could be more than a dream, but you sell yourself short from living it out because of your own insecurities? How often do your self-condemning thoughts get in your way of reaching your fullest potential?

I know that I am my worst enemy.

I know that I am capable of more than what I allow myself to achieve.

I know that I struggle with confidence, anxiety, fear. What woman doesn't? "I can't do that" is spoken far too often in my mind, which stops me from even trying.

And, sure, trying can eventually lead to failing. But! It can also lead to succeeding! Rather than living in shadows of self-doubt, I should force myself to break through and try!

My thoughts should not own me. I should own my thoughts. Whenever my mind circles round to sour thoughts, I need to re-focus, re-group and try, try again.

How I think is how I am going to live.

And, guess what? I can honestly tell you that my thoughts are starting to shift to a better place. I am starting to park my mind on the truth that I am strong. I am worthy. I am valuable.

I know this pregnancy brought "Bobbi" back. I had gone through such a dark time during our years of trying to conceive, and this pregnancy brought light to where there was once darkness.

This pregnancy truly saved me, in more ways than just making my dreams come true. It cleared up so much in my life that needed clearing up. It centered God back into my life, and I will forever be grateful for that.

I have so much in my life to be grateful for, but thinking negatively about any of my blessings, even if unintentionally, is like a slap in God's face.

Living a life filled with self-doubt or fear is like telling God that even though He's given me everything I need, it's just not enough. I doubt my own ability, yet God promises He has given me the strength to do all things through Him. I fear things beyond my control, yet God has not once yielded control of my life.

You know that song with the lyrics, "I can see clearly now the rain is gone." I don't know who sings it nor do I know the rest of the song, but that one line digs through me. I feel uplifted. My thoughts are renewed. And with these renewed thoughts comes a renewed life.

I used to think so negatively. Undermining myself. Undermining God. Undermining my role as a woman, as a mom, and as a wife.

But, I am coming out of my shell. My confidence is re-growing. I am finding myself again. I am finding my purpose and my value.

Rather than telling myself, "I can't do that," I am learning to tell myself, "I can do it!" (or to at least try!). What a huge difference that makes.

And as I progress into this new frame of mind, I am able to see the scattered pieces of my life join together, right where they are supposed to be. God has big, big plans for my life, so why let my negative thoughts stop those plans from unfolding as they should?

My life used to be so different...not because it was, but because my thoughts made it so.

Changing my mindset has changed everything!

Holy Cow, I'm Going to Have Two Kids!

Obviously, I'm very aware of the fact that I'll be a mom of two kids. And, I'm over-the-moon happy that I get to finally give Ella a younger sibling. That we finally get to be a family of four. That this long-awaited dream is finally about to come true!

But, I guess as we continue to slowly get ready for the little guy, the thought of being a mom of two kids is starting to settle in more. It used to be such an abstract thought, but it's become very real now. And, I think I'm starting to feel uneasy about how this family will adjust to this new life.

It's always just been the three of us. The three amigos! The three musketeers! (You get the picture). Ella's never had to deal with sharing Mommy or Daddy. We have completely revolved our days around Ella and her needs / wants. She's been the center of our lives since she was born, and she knows it. She feels the attention and love we constantly give her.

But now, this attention and love will be shared between her and Tristan. And honestly, I'm a little bit scared. I don't want to completely flip Ella's world upside down. I want the transition into having a baby brother be an easy, natural and happy experience for her. But, I know my Ella. And, I'm fearful that this may not be so easy for her.

I know I have an infinite amount of love stored in my beating Mommy heart. I'm not afraid that I won't have enough love to give to both of them. No way! I guess I'm afraid Ella will not feel as much love because she will see that it'll be shared. Despite there being unlimited love, there is only one Mommy and one Daddy, and I don't want Ella to feel any less love because the love is being shared with her baby brother.

Ella has been very involved in this pregnancy. She's very aware that Tristan will soon be here. She loves on him, hugs him, tells him sweet nothings, but the idea of having an actual baby brother is abstract. It's not real to her yet. She knows what a baby is and she knows what a brother is, but she doesn't know what it means for her in her life. How things are gonna change.

And, it wasn't until I hung up two hooks with two bath towels for two kids in our bathroom that the idea fully settled into my gut. Even Aaron saw the look on my face and was like, "Are you okay?"

My response, "I just can't believe we're finally going to have two kids."

Our pink bunny and our chunky monkey.

So, my prayer and goal are to let Ella always know she's still my #1 girl. She's still the love of my life. And no baby brother will ever take away from the huge imprint she has in my heart. And, I hope that I will be able to show her what infinite love really is. That, even though she will now be sharing my love with Tristan, that my love is immeasurable and indefinite. She is getting no less. Time, on the other hand, is a totally different story.

In any case, saying I'm going to be the mom of two kids feels so good! Soooooo good! :)

As Promised...

...here is a belly pic taken today at 35 weeks. :)

As you can see, with this picture-taking crazed family, even our pug knows how to pose for a picture. I had no idea he was standing beside me. It's as if he knew Aaron was taking my picture and he had to get in it. :)

35 Weeks

How Far Along: 35 weeks!

Size of Baby: Tristan is over 18 inches long and weighed a whoppin' 6 pounds at today's ultrasound!

Picture of Baby:  None. Once again, my ultrasound was fast and picture-less. Oh well.

35 Weeks: Because it's so snug in my womb, Tristan isn't likely to be doing somersaults anymore, but the number of times he kicks should remain about the same. His kidneys are fully developed now, and his liver can process some waste products. Most of his basic physical development is now complete — he'll spend the next few weeks putting on weight. (Information taken from BabyCenter's website).

Weight Gain: I put on two pounds the past three weeks, putting the grand total to 19 pounds. And, if my doctor's measurement is correct in that six pounds of it is baby, that means I've only gained 13 pounds. Not too bad.

Belly Pic: Tomorrow! I promise!

Sleep: I've been staying up later because I'm too antsy when I try to go to sleep early. Braxton Hicks contractions wake me up. Sleeping on my back hurts so bad, so I roll from side to side all night, which isn't such an easy task.

Best Moment of the Week: Seeing my baby boy during the ultrasound. All my favorite moments come when Tristan is active and I can just watch my stomach roll around. It makes me so happy, and I'm trying to remember and cherish every movement.

Movement: Shake, rattle, roll, baby!

Symptoms: Braxton Hicks contractions and tightness! Back starting to hurt more. Slow-moving!

Food Cravings: Nothing, really. I'm sorry to admit, but I did eat quite a bit of Ella's Halloween candy. I picked out most of the chocolates. So, I guess you can say I'm craving chocolate, but that's not pregnancy-related. That's just me. :)

What I Miss: Good, solid comfortable sleep.

What I'm Looking Forward to: December 3rd!

Weekly Wisdom: You're screwed if you don't marry an understanding husband. Pregnancy can really bring out the worst in you. Even Aaron's having a hard time dealing with me, and he's one of the most understanding people I know.

Milestones: 35 weeks is a huge milestone. 99% of babies born from this point on suffer no complications or problems whatsoever. Also, 4 weeks from tomorrow is the big day! Goodness, November is just going to FLY by!