Spinning But Never Dizzy

Ella loves the park...in a big way! And, these pictures will clearly demonstrate to you just how serious this love is. :)

Ella was lucky enough to claim the tire swing as her own for a long time. Which, was also lucky for Daddy (Aaron J. Johnson Photography), who then had the opportunity snap some fun shots.

And, as you can tell by her priceless smile, she very much loves the tire swing. :)

I don't know how, but she was able to do some balancing after all that spinning!

My little explorer. :)

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend. If you ask me, it just went by WAY too fast.

Okay, Now We REALLY Know

Aaron's heart was beating fast when he took the call from RSC this morning. He let me sleep in, but after hanging up, quietly came in the bedroom and told me the news.

We're not pregnant.

And, to top it off, my period won't be coming any time soon either. Apparently, after reviewing my progesterone levels, my doctor claims it may take up to 10 days for my period to show up.

Goodness! At that point I'll be almost 2-1/2 weeks late!

I'm just grateful I now know the TRUTH. That I am, in fact, not pregnant. No more questionable doubt or lingering hope.

If I do end up being 2-1/2 weeks late without having done the blood work and consulted with my doctor, I would have walked around on pins and needles thinking that I was pregnant.

So, for that, I am grateful.

Grateful to know.

Ignorance is bliss, but not when it comes to being in the dark about if you're pregnant or not. In that case, it's very good to know.

So, my heart and mind are moving now.

I just have to wait for my body to move on too and get its progesterone levels right so my next cycle can begin!

HCG and Progesterone Tests STAT

My RE requested I have HCG and progesterone blood tests done ASAP., with strict instructions on the order for Quest Diagnostics to process the request STAT.

Wow! STAT? Really?!?

I really didn't think it was all that important. I mean, I took a HPT yesterday and it was stark white negative. My doctor knows this, but yet, he wants to have a blood pregnancy test performed.

Suddenly, I start feeling that hope seep in again. The hope that I always manage to dig up, time and time again.

I made the appointment to have my blood drawn as soon I received the order and then it felt like Christmas Eve all over again. Sitting around, waiting for my doctor to call with the pregnancy results. Unfortunately, my nurse e-mailed me and said it looks like the results won't be in until tomorrow.

So, we wait! Heck, my period might start tonight for all I know!

But, while we wait, we still hold onto the chance that this is it. A chance that even with a negative pregnancy test at 18 or 19 dpo (approximately), I could still be pregnant, right? Right???

Heck, my friend had a negative HPT at 14 dpo and she ended up being pregnant with twins!

All things are possible. If God is for me, then who is against me? Pregnancy or no pregnancy this time around, God is teaching me so much about myself through this journey. Things that He knew I needed to learn and that I would only be open to learning through infertility, a disease which ripped out my heart and made me second guess the control I so confidently thought I had on my life. During the process of my heart being broken, God has amazingly healed it in ways that years ago, I would not have dreamed possible. Ways that only infertility could help me discover.

So, although I still scowl at infertility and would wish this on nobody, God was able to find His place in my life again. I didn't realize how much I needed Him in my life until all of this.

And, as a friend commented on a recent blog post...THANK GOD FOR GOD!!! Amen to that!

Well, Now We Know

An anonymous friend, and avid blog reader, gave me $15.00 today. At first, I was confused. Why on earth would he give me a blank envelope with $15.00? Then, I remembered!

I remembered writing in my previous post, why waste $15.00 on a pregnancy test?

Well, he apparently didn't see it as a waste to use his $15.00 for this purpose, so right after work and picking Ella up from school, I stopped by the nearby Walgreens and made my first purchase of a home pregnancy test (HPT) in, seriously, over a year.

I can't say my heart wasn't pounding out of my chest as I waited for the results to display. I was so nervous. All the excitement I felt when we first started trying to conceive resurfaced. Hope fogged my eyes with tears. Adrenalin kept my heart at a rapid peace. All the while, I kept thinking, "Could this really be it? Is this going to be my moment? My time to shine?"

After the required two minutes lapsed, I saw that it was not my time. :(

(Photo courtesy of Google Images).

And even though I was hoping my late period (which still hasn't come by the way!) meant something other than my body's hormonal equilibrium being off, I'm okay.

I'm okay I'm not pregnant.

I'm okay because I have three promising frosties waiting for me. Three embryos that have already been created and filled with all the hope and potential in the world. Three future babies I am so excited to bring into this world (God-willing).

God is still writing my Mom Story, of that I am absolutely certain, so I just have to remain faithful.

And, even though my heart broke a little today, I'm okay.

And, as if God knew what I needed to read shortly after my negative HPT, I came across this Bible verse in my friend, Jennifer's blog.

But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed. (Habakkuk 2:3)

Thank you, Jennifer. And, thank you, anonymous friend. :)

Still No Period

After doing a bit of research on-line, it does look like an irregular cycle following an unsuccessful IVF cycle is to be expected. So, I'm really not holding onto too much hope. I guess it's just a waiting game now.

To answer most of your guys' question of if I'm going to test. My plan was to wait until Friday. But, now knowing what I know about wacky late cycles following IVF, I might not test at all. Why waste the $15, ya know?

I know what you are all thinking...why put myself through that torture? LOL!!! I'm sure if I had a test lying around, I would've already peed on a stick already. So, I guess we'll see. :)

Just know I appreciate all your guys' support. And be it a late cycle or a pregnancy, I'm okay with either result. Of course, a little piece of my heart breaks with every BFN, but the fact that I have three frosties waiting for me will make this possible BFN easier to accept.

Now, onto other news...I got not one, but two fabulous blog awards today!!! I feel so special!

The first award is from Random Thoughts from Angie. Angie went through IVF late last year, which resulted in a pregnancy, but soon after her BFP, she miscarried. She's gearing up for a FET the earlier part of this year and I'm so excited for her! Yay! :)

The second award is from Crossing My Fingers, But Not My Legs (which is, by far, one of the best infertility blog titles I've come across!). She found out a couple days before I did that her IVF cycle failed.  In fact, I had just come across her blog shortly before she found out. It's always nice to have a companion walking the same path at the same time, who can truly relate to the raw emotions being felt after finding out there's no baby. She, also, will be going through FET sometime this year, but likely not as soon as me. Of course, I'm praying she's blessed with a pregnancy this year! :)

I think for each award I'm supposed to write seven random facts about myself and then forward the award onto other blogs, but I'm going to save that for another day. Right now, I'm going to cuddle on the couch and enjoy me some American Idol! :)

Anybody else an American Idol fan out there?