Being Content No Matter the Situation

Church was amazing this morning!  We had a guest speaker, Dave Dravecky, who was once an all-star picture for the S.F. Giants, before being diagnosed with cancer, resulting in him losing his pitching arm, his career, his life as he knew it.  He spoke about his journey through finding the secret to being content no matter the circumstance.  The Bible verse we reflected on was:

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:11-13)

He felt enlightened and strong in his faith soon after his arm being amputated and surviving cancer, realizing that perhaps God is going to use His story to touch others and excited about his new future.  But the excitement soon wore off and his trials and tough times grew, turning from days to week, weeks to months, and then months to years.  He found himself in a dark, angry place.  I can completely relate.  My days of trying to conceive have added up to 20 months, and with that comes so much anger.  Yes, I'm angry towards God.  Rather than standing on the mountaintop in complete clarity of my faith and my purpose, I'm stuck in the wilderness where I find myself feeling quite absent from God.  I believe in Him and I am dedicated to living a Christian life, but through this journey of infertility (my "wilderness"), I am having a hard time completely feeling His presence.

But, needless to say, I spend lots of time in devotion and prayer everyday, allotting some time each day to my relationship with God, not because it's the "right" thing to do, but because it really does help me.  Even though I don't always feel His presence, I'm determined to seek Him through all of this...seek His purpose and provision for my life.

Okay, enough of that!  This weekend...we got a pool!  A 10-foot in diameter blow-up pool, holding water up to Ella's chest. Ella was so excited once we set it up!  If this weekend is any leeway to what the summer holds, I think Aaron and Ella are going to grow some fins.  They are quite the fish!

All in all, it was a wonderful weekend, despite feeling down about my IUI failure.  I plan on calling my doctor first thing tomorrow morning to schedule my laparoscopy and hysteroscopy.  Hopefully I'll be able to have the procedures done this coming week, but scheduling a mutually convenient time for me, my doctor and the hospital may be a bit tricky.  I don't want to put it off any longer, though.  I'm pretty nervous/anxious, so the sooner I can get this all over, the better!  I will keep you all informed.  Thanks so much for your prayers and support.