Signs

Yesterday was the big day...I had my first IUI.  Going into it, I was very nervous.  In fact, my blood pressure was 135/90!!!  My blood pressure always reads within the normal measurements, so those crazy high numbers were a true reflection of how I was feeling in the inside.  My heart was beating fast, my hands were clamming, my anxiety was through the roof.  But, after seeing my high blood pressure, I immediately started focusing on my breathing, praying, taking things slowly, leaning on Aaron for support.  I needed to relax my body.

Yes, you hear right!  Aaron was able to be there for the appointment!  Which is one of many "signs" for why this IUI was meant to be.  I'm a true believer that God places signs in one's path to show that the path they have chosen is, in fact, the right path...the chosen path.  After not knowing for the longest time about if the IUI was something I'd want to do, this month was different.  I truly felt at peace with the decision to go through with it.  There was not one ounce of me questioning my decision.  Months prior I'd be 50/50, or even 80/20.  100% of me was never ready...until now.

After making the decision to have the IUI, things seemed to fall into place like pieces of a puzzle.  Aaron doesn't have any more personal leave days or sick days left for work, so I figured he would not be able to go with me.  That idea devastated me, but I was realistic about it and figured there was no way around it.  Turns out, all schools and businesses in Los Banos were to be closed down on April 30th, for the town's annual May Day parade.  Aaron didn't have to go to work on Friday!  But, that didn't mean much if I didn't ovulate on that day, so we just had to wait and see if it played out as we hoped.

Turns out it did!  In fact, I ovulated a day EARLY.  I was supposed to ovulate today!  And, because my doctor's office is closed on weekends, I would've most likely had to wait another month to have the IUI.  So, not only did I ovulate on the one day Aaron had off from work, but it wasn't even the day I was supposed to ovulate.  On top of that, the only appointment time available was a morning appointment.  If it had been an afternoon time, Aaron would've had to stay home with Ella, since she wouldn't be at school.

In addition, with Aaron having the day off, it meant he was able to go to my doctor's office to "provide his sample."  If he had to work, I would've had to get a sterile cup for him to you-know before he left for work around 6:00 in the morning.  My doctor's office doesn't open until 9:00, and the more time that is passed from when the sperm is provided to when the sperm is washed, the worse.  Sperm washing is when the good sperm is separated from the bad sperm, so that only the good sperm would be injected inside of me.  Anyway, even though Aaron felt entirely uncomfortable going into an office knowing full well that all the women working there knew what he was doing behind the closed door, he did it for me...for us...for our future family!

And, to top it off, my dear friend told me that April 24th to May 1st, 2010 is National Infertility Week.  Wow!!!  She found out yesterday, the same day I went in for my IUI, so she was eager to tell me.  Another sign?  I think so!

You may think these "signs" are pointless or stupid, but when going through infertility, the only thing to keep me going is HOPE.  Seeing how things played out ideally for the IUI gives me hope that God is watching over us during this trying time, showing us the way, His way, through simple signs that, to anybody, may seem like mere coincidence, if that, but to me, I feel like God is pushing me in the right direction on this journey.  How else could I have been so confused for so long and then finally, this month, I felt peace.  God gave me peace - the peace that I needed to feel to know that the IUI was my next step.

After the IUI, the doctor instructed I lay there for a bit, so I laid there, not loosening my grip on Aaron's hand.  Poor guy...I really think I hurt him during the procedure.  At one point, he made me shift my grip.  My nails were digging into him.  No blood, though!  Haha.  The procedure was somewhat painful, but it was brief.  I just focused on my breathing and on God - I prayed the whole time.  I had tears rolling down my face and Aaron said my neck up turned tomato red.  He's like, "You could be having your leg cut off, and you wouldn't make a peep."  I have a high pain threshold, but I think for me, my tears were caused from my emotions, not the pain I was experiencing.  While laying there after the procedure, that is when the tears really started pouring out.  The concept of us creating a miracle at that very moment hit me hard and the tears started falling.

Once I came home, I was mildly cramping...nothing too concerning.  It wasn't anything too uncomfortable, but after a couple hours, I was in A LOT of pain.  Hunched over and unable to move in abrupt motions, I allowed Aaron to baby me.  He made sure I kept up on my Tylenol and made sure my heat pad was always warm.  He took care of Ella and dinner, leaving me to just relax and allow my body to recover.  He's wonderful!  This morning I woke up in pain, but by mid-day, I felt much better.  Thank goodness!

Now onto the wait...the infamous two-week wait.  We're hoping and praying this does the trick.  Please God, let this do the trick!  My strength is weakening...