The Post I've Dreamed About Writing

It has taken 2 years, 6 months, 2 weeks and 4 days for me to be able to say this.

I'm pregnant!

I'm pregnant!

I'm pregnant!

I'm pregnant!

I'm pregnant!

I am officially 4 weeks and 1 day pregnant today. My due date is December 9th, 2011. :)

My beta came in at a solid 102. I thought that was on the low end, but apparently beta results for FETs are typically lower and slower to increase. I go back to the clinic for my second HCG blood test (beta) on Monday, along with my progesterone and estrogen blood tests (to make sure my levels are in a good range to keep this pregnancy). Fingers and toes crossed for a doubling beta! :)

After the baby dance, the shrieks, the tears, buying Ella a "Big Sister" shirt, the many phone calls, surprising my parents at their house, I am finally able to sit down and share the news with you all.

And really, I'm too excited to sit and type a longer post. I promise to write more later. Frankly, I'm surprised my brain is able to communicate to my fingers what to type right now because I am in such a happy euphoric state. I was shaking with pure and utter happiness earlier, and thankfully that died down just enough so I could let you all know the good news!

All praise and glory to God! Please keep the prayers coming that He keeps this baby (or babies) healthy and strong. Thanks to everyone for all your love and support! :)

7dp6dt Symptoms and Hope

Well, the week is slowly dwindling away and Saturday is fast approaching (but not fast enough, mind you!).

I figured you all might want to read an update on my symptoms (exciting stuff, right?).

Beginning yesterday (6dp6dt), the severity of my period-like cramps dropped. I mean, the dull ache is still very much there, but the type of pain/discomfort shifted from the pain of an impending period to a fullness, with occasionally sharp twinges on both sides (around my pelvic area). And when I say sharp twinges, I mean, stop me in my tracks and wait for it to pass, pain. I remember feeling similar pains when in my early pregnancy with Ella. :)

Today I have experienced the similar fullness. I feel extremely bloated and I can't suck in my stomach to hide the appearance of such discomfort. I mean, I already have a belly (I am by no means a skinny chick), but my belly is already looking rounder. Obviously, I cannot possibly look pregnant yet, but my insides are surely indicating to me that I am! :)

And, even if I don't look different, my insides are making me feel like this...

Photo courtesy of Google Images.

So, that is where I stand with symptoms. I am probably coming across very hopeful to most of you, and honestly, that is because I really am. I'm hopeful for Saturday's beta to reveal to me that I'm pregnant.

My Daily Reminder

We have a fun whiteboard in our kitchen. I spiced the plain black frame up with fun family-oriented stickers. Here's a few:

Usually this whiteboard is filled with Bible verses, daily reminders (like which butt cheek gets the PIO that night), important appointments, or, Aaron's favorite, "Honey do" lists. We look at it everyday, and since putting it up like six months ago, Aaron and I have remembered more and forgotten less. Always a good thing! :)

This week, though, I only needed one reminder. A very big reminder, at that. And that is to...

KEEP THE FAITH!

This is the only reminder I needed this past week and still need as Saturday ever-so-slowly approaches.

So quickly I psych myself out into thinking my body failed me again.

So quickly I throw myself out of the game, not giving myself a fair chance.

So quickly I label the cramps as PMS cramps, without considering that they could in fact be early pregnancy cramps.

So quickly I shed tears of sadness and despair when, really, if I wait a couple days I'll be able to shed tears of pure and utter happiness.

Seeing this huge reminder to keep the faith tells me to be slower to assume such "truths." I have to admit, it has helped seeing this daily reminder.

I also have the picture of my two babies as my cellphone wallpaper with the same encouragement to keep the faith.

And, then, one's gotta ask why go through all of this? Why spend thousands and thousands of dollars when there's a chance of not getting pregnant? Why waste all that money and invest so much time and emotions on a gamble?

The answer is easy, really. When in a dark place of doubt, I just have to look at Ella and be instantly reminded of why we're doing this. For there is no greater joy than creating life...a baby. And, I have faith that life is being created within my womb as I type this. Even though science was what infused my egg with Aaron's sperm, God's watchful eye was mindfully aware of every last detail, from which eggs matured to which of Aaron's millions of sperm would be the chosen ones. From which cluster of cells would successfully divide to which ones would be strong enough to freeze and thaw.

And when I see Ella's eyes, her hair, her complexion, her stubbornness (definitely me!), her athleticism (definitely Aaron!), her voice, her toes, her belly button, her long legs, her chunky arms, her baby hairs, her teeth spacing, her quiet demeanor...I see Aaron and I see me. And there is no greater, more rewarding joy in the entire world than to witness the miracle of life, knowing the life created is a result of your own.

How can it not work?

Well, I am now 5dp6dt. Over halfway there!

My cramping is still very much there. I have definitely decided it is far worse this time around than with my IVF cycle. It makes me so nervous, but, really, I cannot trust anything my body is throwing at me with the amount of medication I'm on. And, there have been many women who have undergone IVF or FET cycles who claim the same symptoms and are now with child (or in some cases, children).

I can be pregnant, but I can also not be. It can go either way.

At this point, it is what it is, and there is nothing I can do to change the outcome.

But, this morning I started thinking, "How can this not work?"

I mean, seriously! How can I not get pregnant from this???

My clinic has a 65.9% success rate for FET. That's remarkably high!

I transferred two beautiful blastocysts, one of which was graded 5AA.

YOU CAN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN 5AA!!!

The transfer was absolutely flawless.

How can this not work???

Please, God, let this work.

4dp6dt Update

After 4 days of rest, I headed back to work today. My job isn't physically demanding or anything. I work as a paralegal at a law office, so I sit at my computer most of the time.

My cramping comes and goes. One minute it feels as if my period will start, but then the next I simply feel a pulling fullness down there. I'm trying to remain optimistic and not focus on it, but gosh, that's pretty much impossible. The cramping is seemingly worse this cycle. That could be a good or a bad thing. I'm praying it's our two bundles of joy snuggling deep inside.

I'm faithfully optimistic, but I'm also painfully realistic. So, my days have pretty much been a battle between the two. :)

I lost track of how many times I have prayed over these babies. I laid in bed last night with tears in my eyes, my hands on my lower belly, just praying. Praying with every ounce of my being. Praying with all of my heart for God to keep these babies safe inside me. Even though they are inside me, their future is out of my hands. Whether they are the ones that will make Ella a big sister is up to God.

On a happy note, the migraine I had the past few days has finally subsided. I don't know what that was all about, but it's either related to a) not drinking my morning dose of caffeine or b) my awful PIO injections. I remember with my IVF cycle, I had excruciating headaches during the latter part of my 9-day wait, so it's likely the same cause as before.

I guess there is really nothing else to report. Just taking the wait one day at a time. Better yet...one minute at a time. Because, honestly, my hope comes and goes in the blink of an eye.

Speaking of which, while driving Ella to school this morning, one of our family's favorite songs, "Blink" by Revive came on the radio, and little Miss Ella just sang her heart out in the back seat. I pulled up at Ella's school sobbing. Thankfully Ella couldn't see. :)

It pains my heart to think how quickly time is passing by. How quickly all our days have become our yesterdays while we are all guilty of being too focused on our tomorrows. Even now, I'm so focused on Saturday's beta that the next few days are nothing but a means to get to my pregnancy test. There is a lot of wonderfulness I'll miss if I do that.