She was amazingly brave the first day of kindergarten. Not a tear was shed (from her eyes, at least). No looking back to see where we went. No hesitation in jumping into whatever was asked of her. A completely happy-go-lucky, fearless attitude was displayed.
But this fearlessness has subsided, and in its place has come this new side of Ella.
Attachment.
Fear.
Shyness.
A couple weeks after starting kindergarten, we introduced Ella to Sparkies. If you remember, Ella joined AWANA last year and absolutely LOVED Cubbies (the 3 to 4 year old AWANA club). Well, as a kindergartner this year, she got bumped up to join Sparkies (the club for K through 2nd graders). We dropped her off the first night thinking she'd be just fine. She sat down in this huge room of her rowdy peers, looked back to blow us a kiss and do her goofy little wave, and showed the brave, independent personality we had grown to accept from her.
We left with her smiling.
But, when it came time to go to Sparkies the following week, we saw a complete 180 in Ella.
She said she was scared and that she didn't want to go. She said she was shy in meeting new friends and that she didn't know anybody. She was counting down the days 'til she had to go again, not because she was excited, but because she was scared.
We didn't know quite how to react to this because we had never seen this side of her before.
And then, she started disliking kindergarten. The past two weeks, every time I've had to leave her crying (and do you know how hard that is???). She would cling. She would not want to leave me. She would cause a scene and then become embarrassed with the attention she was bringing herself, and bury her head even further into me.
I would ask her why she doesn't like kindergarten, and her only explanation was that she missed me. She complained of the seats being cold and not knowing what to do all the time, but it always circled back to her saying she missed me.
The tears both she and I have shed the past couple weeks are countless. I threw up in the car from crying so hard after dropping her off at Sparkies (thank you, pregnancy!). Just witnessing her sitting with her head in her hands, bright red, trying to hold back tears, but not being able to. The desperate look of asking me to make her feel better, to help her feel comfortable, to hug and hold her, but simply walking away. Leaving her to find comfort herself.
She and I prayed many times these past couple weeks. And, goodness, her prayers bring on a whole new level to my already breaking heart. Maturely and quietly she would pray, "Dear God, please help me be strong and brave. I know I'm shy, but please help me try my hardest. Amen."
And despite her cold, clammy hands and heldback tears, she's pulling through. She's slowly becoming the outgoing, fearless girl we once knew. This setback was quite unexpected, and as parents, it made us question ourselves. Are we pushing her too hard? Should we not make her go to Sparkies? Did we put her in kindergarten too soon? Should we have waited a year? After all, she is still only 4 years old.
But, deep down, we both know Ella is fine. Every time we pick her up from kindergarten or Sparkies, she would say she had fun (but then when it came time to go again, she'd have reservations, cling and cry). I talked with the Sparkies leader and her kindergarten teacher, and both say she eventually calms down ("she'll feel better when she feels better") and moves onto being her happy, bubbly, charismatic self. It's just too bad we don't get to see it. We just see the tears.
It'll be nice when taking her to sunday school on Sunday mornings isn't an emotional ordeal, and this is the last face we see.
It'll be amazing when I can drop her off at kindergarten with a huge hug, kiss and smile, and Puppy can stay home instead of be stuffed in her backpack to help comfort her.
It'll be a breath of fresh air when Wednesday nights are not dreaded, but instead a happy time, as we take Ella to Sparkies.
Until then, all we can do is reinforce how much we love her, how proud we are of her and continue to push her, giving her the confidence she needs to get through this rough patch.
And work through the tears (and tear-induced nausea!).
3 comments:
I can tell you that I worked in an elementary school for the past 8 years, and I have seen this all before. You are not alone, and neither is your precious daughter. The tactics the teachers at the school I worked at always gave the parents were to talk about the positive things your child liked about the program. Pump them up for upcoming things, and get them excited to help them want to go. End each conversation by saying " You know you can tell us when something bothers you, right?" and then "Oh, I bet you are excited about doing/playing/seeing "______". You could also try telling her that if she gets through drop off without crying, you will come bring her a special lunch, like McDonalds, or you guys will go to a special place after school, like the park, or to get ice cream. You could also make a sticker chart and let her earn stickers towards a special treat. I promise you I have seen the kids cry and their parents leave and they are fine in 30 seconds, and I have seen the kids who cry and the teacher has to yank them in the classroom (no I am not kidding) and they are fine within a few minutes. In 8 years, there was only one child who screamed until lunch, and even he only did that for the first 2 days. Hope it gets better, and don't beat yourself up too much- you aren't alone and she won't be scarred- this will end sooner rather than later :)
That must be so hard for you guys to deal with I can't even imagine. Praying that Ella is back to herself soon.
This blog made me teary eyed! Poor Ella!
I can't even imagine how hard it must be to leave her! I hope the shyness goes away very soon!
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