You know, the picture-perfect, cookie-cutter mom that always seems to have it all together.
Her hair is always styled.
(If I don't straighten mine, it looks like a rat's nest...yes, that is the designated term my husband has kindly given my hair).
Her make-up perfectly done.
(It's only because I have to work that I take the time to do my make-up).
Her accessories completing her outfit.
(What accessories? And outfit? I rotate the same clothes over and over and over again).
The type of mom that has her kids perfectly matching in suit, all well-behaved and with obedient attitudes.
(Pssssh! Please! I have one kid I can barely get dressed in the morning in a matching outfit, who rolls her eyes at me every time I say anything she doesn't want to hear).
The type of mom that is well-organized, never forgetful, perfectly tending to her family's needs, while still maintaining her own needs.
(Although well-organized, I'm frazzled to the core. And even though I tend to my family's needs, I often don't do so gracefully).
The type of mom who can pass as a gourmet chef, not Chef Boyardee.
(I'm guilty of making the same things all the time, and they surely are not gourmet).
The type of mom whose house is always tidy, the beds are always made and the toilets are always clean.
(Do I even need to comment on this one?).
And all of that is done with French manicure tips!
(My nails are chipped, with dirt under them and haven't been manicured since my wedding over six years ago!).
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'm not a good mom. I am very devoted to my role as mom (perhaps a little too much so, if I have to be honest), but sometimes I feel like I'm failing.
I guess I just don't feel like I have it all together all the time.
Being a Type A personality, it's hard to not feel in control. And to not feel like I'm putting my best foot forward.
I feel like I'm doing everything at half capacity. I don't know how to explain it. Perhaps it's the pregnancy that's absorbing all of my gusto, making me feel like a slow-moving whale. Perhaps I'm still adjusting to my new work schedule, where I don't get home until 6:00 in the evening, and the dinner / dishes / homework / bath / story routine consumes all our time, leaving the three of us with no family time (although Aaron and I both get separate alone time with Ella).
Life just feels different since Ella started kindergarten, and I guess it's taking me longer than what is probably an acceptable amount of time, to get used to it. Getting used to spending an hour on the road driving to and from Ella's school and my work everyday is difficult for me.
Perhaps it's the heat. This near-100 degree heat...every...single...day...is really starting to play a toll on me. It's been miserable!
Perhaps it's feeling unlike myself in my ability to take care of my family. I can't mop. I can't vacuum. I can't do anything that requires using my lower back (which is so much!). And, everything I do, seems to be taking longer and more of an effort. I get exhausted quite easily.
I don't quite know what the point is to this post other than to say that I'm struggling a little, I guess. I see other moms and women who seem to just have it all together, and I'm feeling like I'm left behind a little.
However, seeing the changes I want to make in my day-to-day living has given me the desire and drive to make those changes. And, so, I have become more intentional in things.
From actually looking up recipes and making dinners in advance to having the living area picked up of all toys before bedtime.
From taking the time to put some effort into my appearance (goodbye with the rat's nest, hello to eye shadow) to keeping up with laundry.
From organizing my life in a daily planner (rather than through sticky notes, a wall calendar and *gasp* my memory) to keeping a responsibility chart to help with Ella's "growing-up-ness" (a.k.a. 4 going on 14 attitude).
With these minor changes, and keeping to them, I have begun to feel better about myself. I never want to feel like I'm not putting my best foot forward for both myself and my family, and rather than sulking in the "I wish I had" slumps, I'm making changes, and God is giving me the courage and drive to make those changes.
And, even though I will never be the mom with French manicure tips, I can at least make sure my nails are clean. Get what I'm sayin'? And, even though I'm getting-bigger-by-the-day pregnant, I can still provide for my family and give them the best I've got, which some days may not be much, but at least I know I'm putting my best foot forward.
Now, as for having it all together...
Who has that? Really? :)
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7 comments:
Yes, all those things would be nice to pull off! My first goal is to be a loving mother and even that has challenges! Good luck with your preganancy.
It's crazy what painting your nails will do...meaning...doing little things for yourself will actually give you MORE energy to do the serving part. I've realized this. You have to take care of yourself in order to be good at the other stuff. For you, it's being a Mom, for me right now it's being a teacher. If you don't have joy in what you do, it's miserable.
I know you, Sister. And I know that you like to be pampered. NOt in a bad way, but you just like to look nice. So here's what I think. Treat yourself to these things. Get your nails done. Buy a new shirt (doesn't have to be a whole waredrobe!) Get a new pair of shoes to show off your newly painted toes. And this doesn't mean your selfish!!! Tim has taught me this. He lets me do things for myself that I used to feel guilty about, but now I realize it's helping our marraige and my job.
We should talk on the phone soooooon!!!! I love you, Sister.
I guarantee the other moms you see don't have their s#*% together. You just think they do! I'm sure their house is dirty too! Don't be too hard on yourself!
Bobbi: I was going through your checklist along with you, and can I just tell you that I don't even fit into the bill of that "perfect woman" and I don't have a 5 year old, AND I'm not pregnant, AND I don't have an entire house to keep up with. What you are doing is wonderful, don't let anybody or anything make you feel otherwise. We all struggle, but the fact that you can do so much really puts the rest of us to shame. :)
None of us has it all together. And if someone says they do - or portrays their blog in a fashion that hints they do - they are lying! :)
I love your post, and your honesty. Although not pregnant, I am currently training for a half-marathon which seems to be eating up all my extra time. My son's train set is collecting dust on my living room floor (so you can just imagine what the carpet beneath it looks like), I still have paint tape around the trim on my back door (its been there for over a year), and I just put an ugly, bare nekkid front door back on its hinges because I didn't have the time to finish it up before heading into another work week. Augh! The list never ends.
But we are not made to do it all, no matter how much we feel that we are in our roles as wives and mothers. And its when we feel like we are falling short of what our family deserves that God can give us His strength to still do what counts - tuck our kiddos in after a bedtime story, or curl up with our husband on the couch for a good chat, even if the laundry and dishes are backing up.
Keep up the great work, chica! And treat your pregnant self to a pedicure cuz you deserve it! :)
I hear a lot of my own thoughts mirrored in your post. I'm not pregnant yet, but starting IVF in a few weeks and I keep having fears that it won't work because I don't deserve to be a mother. It doesn't really make logical sense, but it's some kind of fear in there that i can't control. I keep reminding myself that no one is perfect. Things always look different on the inside than they do on the outside.
When your children are grown up, they will never remember if you had dirty nails or if the toilets weren't clean. They will remember how much you loved them and how you never gave up hope and belief that they would be yours and how you did everything you could to always be there for them.
No one has it together....that's one of Satan's lies.
I have a book to recommend: Passionate Housewives Desperate for God....it has some really great insights and thoughts on all of this (some of it does refer to SAHM).
*praying for you!
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