I Got Through It

Well, the first day of kindergarten came and went. Not without tears, mind you, but the day is now in the past, and thank goodness! I was doing fine until Ella was all dressed up in her first day of school outfit with her backpack on. Then it hit me! How grown up she is! How my baby girl is actually a kindergartener! When did that happen? Seriously, when???

There were many episodes of near tears while dropping her off. I almost lost it when she first got out of the car and put her backpack on and I took this picture.

I almost lost it when we sat her down at her table in the cafeteria and she started digging through her lunch.

She quietly sat there, observing everyone and everything. Not shy, but confident. Not scared, but brave. She was amazingly strong! We sat across from her and watched our little girl nibble her peanut butter and honey sandwich amidst all these big kids, forcing us to see that she really is ready. Even though this mom isn't ready, she is!

Saying goodbye to her was so hard. It took every once of strength (which wasn't a lot) to not cry in front of her. My eyes got glazed, but I was wearing my glasses, so I think that helped hide them. We hugged her so tight, telling her how proud we were of her and for her to have fun. She's just like, "I love you! See you later!" Totally fine. Totally okay with us leaving her in this unfamiliar environment. Her strength surely made it easier for me to let her go.

As we walked away, I just grabbed Aaron's hand. Tight. With tears flowing down. Aaron then started crying. So, I'm sure we made quite the scene walking back to our car, hand in hand, sobbing like babies (well, I was - Aaron just had "man tears"). We turned around as we walked through the cafeteria doors. I couldn't see her, which was for the best, but Aaron said she was just sitting there, eating. Not looking back to see where we went. Oh, Ella. You're so great. You're so strong.

I was so excited to pick her up! Like, Christmas morning excited, and she was my gift that I was waiting to walk through her classroom door. She spotted Aaron first, and walked right over to him and said, "I had a really great day!" She was all smiles and very excited to let us know about some fun details of her first day.

I chose not to "embarrass" her by loving all over her, but I just wanted to pick her up and smother her with kisses and hugs. Instead, I just knelt down, gave her a tight squeeze, and just smiled as she talked about her day. When we got home, though, and I helped her out of the car, she gave me the longest hug. Telling me that she loved me. So, even though she's unbelievably strong, with that hug, I realized that she did miss me and needs me, just like I missed her and need her, too.

To think, I'll go through this all over again in 5 years with Tristan. I'm already praying for strength! :)