Since Aaron and I have started trying to conceive our second child, I can count on more than 2 hands the amount of my friends who have told me that they are trying to conceive who have then gone on to say the three magic words, "I am pregnant." Some more quicker than others, but all quicker than me.
My really good friend found out she is pregnant today, and this one hit me hard. Even though I'm happy for her (she, too, had infertility complications), my heart sinks. I write in my posts about how I'm going to keep the faith and remain hopeful, but yet the harder I try to see the glass as half full, the deeper I fall into this funk that I can't shake off.
So, with the news of my friend's pregnancy and this Clomid messing with my emotions, you could say I'm pretty emotional today. Haha, this reminds me of the quote from Anchorman, when Will Ferrell's character yells out, "I'm in a glass cage of emotion!" That is how I feel (minus the comical part).
I pray God will change my heart and help me surrender myself to His perfect timing.
I pray God will continue to provide me strength.
After I hit the year mark of trying to conceive, I really didn't think I'd find the strength to continue. I didn't think I had any hope left to spare. But here I am, 6 months later, and I'm still hanging in there. But really, what is my other option? Give up??? I DON'T THINK SO!!! The potential joy of having another child outweighs all the disappointment I've endured...times a million.
Okay, change of topics. My commitment to maintaining a healthier lifestyle is going really well. I had hoped to redirect some of my attention of getting pregnant to focusing on being a healthier person, spiritually, mentally and physically. Overall, and (even though some of my blog posts may show otherwise), I have been spending less time thinking about getting pregnant. I know, shocked, right? I'm feeling healthier and more confident about myself and the future. Even though it's only been the first week of this transformation, I'm willfully determined to continue. And, hey, I've been told time and time again that once I stop stressing about getting pregnant and just "go with the flow," that I'll get pregnant. Well, lets see if it happens!
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I'll be here with you,
Throughout the thick and thins.
Where does this journey end?
When another life begins.
And no matter the slumps,
The bumps, the unending climb,
This mountain is tall, don't fall,
Reach up towards the light and shine.
And I'll hold your hand,
I'll try to understand,
I'll try to help you accept what God has planned.
And when you need a moment,
I'll hold you closely,
My main component, my wife, in my life's story.
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