Controlling What Cannot Be Controlled

Women, by nature, are relatively controlling.  They want things just so in the house - the picture frame has to be hung at the perfect spot on the wall, the bathroom colors have to accentuate each other, the furniture has to be angled just right.  Women usually "run" the household - they determine the dinner menu, fold the laundry, run most errands, make sure all appointments are remembered.

I am the epitome of most women.  I make sure things run smoothly in my life and in my household.  And when I am able to control so many aspects of my life, it's hard to release control of something that is so important to me...yup, you guessed it, conceiving my second child.

Because I got pregnant so easily with Ella...only a couple months after I stopped taking the pill...I thought this time around a pregnancy would occur as easily.  I thought I could put it in my black book, add it to the list of things that need to get done, and eventually cross it off.  I thought I could control this.

I am learning to release this control.

God is in control.

Even though I am comforted in knowing God is in control of this and He knows what's best for me, I still try and control it.  When will I learn???  It's so hard to want something so bad and not know how to achieve it.

If you want good grades, you study...

If you want to lose weight, you exercise and eat healthy...

But, if you want to get pregnant, you...what???  Sure, there are certain parts of trying to conceive that you can control.  What you eat and don't eat, vitamin intake, when and how often you have sex...there's so much that is proven to help a couple conceive...and even though I've logically done every "by the books," I'm still not pregnant.

So, I'm surrendering this to God, the Controller of my life.