Through the Lens of a Camera

In my experience, when going through a difficult time, such as infertility, three things are necessary.

1.  Faith. "You block your dream when you allow your fear to grow bigger than your faith." (Mary Manin Morrissey).  Although fearful about my uncertain child-bearing future, I cannot let that fear shadow my faith.  I cannot allow myself to believe that God's timing and provision are anything less than perfect.

2.  Family. Aaron, Ella, Sister, Mom, Dad, Janice...along with my close friends (you know who you are) and this new support group I have established through this blog.  You have all given me hugs, wiped my tears, lifted my spirits, faithfully prayed and lent me your ears and time through all of this.  Thank you.

3.  Keeping Busy. I need to preoccupy my mind and time with something other than getting pregnant.  Ella is my #1 distraction, naturally, but I sometimes feel that I need to do something for ME.  Do something with my time that I thoroughly enjoy that I can engross myself in.  I've managed to keep busy with my many projects around the house.  Painting this, organizing that, rearranging...well...every room.  And although organizing things is surprisingly therapeutic for me (yeah, I know, I'm weird), I'm yearning to get back into scrapbooking.

Aaron and I have managed to accumulate 45,000 pictures over the last 5 years we've been together.  Yes, that't not a typo, we have actually taken a combined total of over 45,000 pictures!!!  I can't speak for Aaron, who has always been passionate about photography, but my main love emerged after having Ella.  I don't know if it is necessarily my love of taking pictures or it's my love of being able to digitally capture Ella's life.  Either way, with that many pictures to choose from, I'm pretty sure this endeavor will keep me quite busy.  I'm excited to get started!

Quick Update:

I'm going to have a sonogram done tomorrow.  Now that I'm on Clomid, my doctor wants to see how well I'm ovulating, which somehow, she can decipher through the popcorn on the screen.  Someday (soon!) I pray I will get to have a sonogram done that will clearly show the image of a growing baby.  Oh, I can't wait for that day!  I yearn for that day...