God is Speaking to Me Through Others

Please note in advance, this is a pretty lengthy blog post. Bear with me as I have a lot to say today.

Yesterday, from the outside, looked to be an uneventful, ordinary day. Worked my usual 8:00 to 1:00, came home and spent time with Aaron and Ella before heading to a doctor's appointment. Then we all ran some errands, ate dinner, and before I knew it, it was time to hit the hay. But despite the mundane appearance of yesterday, the little things made it a very memorable day.  From the inside, God was working overtime on my heart...through others.

God was speaking to me through people.

Firstly, I received an e-mail from my Aunt Diane, lending me some words of encouragement and advice as I continue with my infertility. She enthusiastically told me about her experiences on how powerful the mind is over the body. That if you make a conscious effort to change your way of thinking, that the body will follow the mind's lead. This explains why people who are stressed feel tension in their shoulders, gain weight...you know the list. There was a lot of truth to what she said.

My mind is sometimes my biggest obstacle in life! I tell myself I can't do something and, sure enough, I make my mind prove to myself and my body that I can't do it. I am my own worst enemy. Losing weight falls into this category. I want to lose weight, but I tell myself that I can't. So, my mind limits the potential achievements of my body.

She said, "If we want something to happen...just make it so in your mind, whether you believe it or not at this point...make it REAL in your mind." She suggests I try to envision myself pregnant. Even though it is not a reality, my mind controls my body. And even though getting pregnant isn't something I can control, I can control my mind! Perhaps pouring that positive energy through my mind into my body can help. Hey, I'm willing to try anything at this point!

Secondly, Aaron came home from work with encouraging words from the nurse at his school, who has become a respected friend to Aaron over the past year. She is a survivor of breast cancer. She knows what it is to hit rock bottom and bounce back up to heights that she had never been reached before. She had the analogy of life being like a river. Clear, crisp, flowy. But, all rivers have those murky areas. The areas where the fungus and bacteria collect and the water stagnantly sits, swirling in circles. There is no flow, there is no life. It just sits. I believe I am in this murky area, going round and round. The beauty of life has come to a halt as I sit in this area of nastiness, allowing negative thoughts about the lack of pregnancy to settle into my soul, unintentionally and uninvited, but there nonetheless. I have to release myself from those negative thoughts.

Amazingly, Aaron divulged what Sandy said soon after I received that e-mail from Aunt Diane. Both speaking about the power of the mind. Coincidence? No. It's God trying to tell me something. Trying to change me!

Thirdly, I had my first appointment with my physical therapist for my lower back pain. It went really well. I was there for two hours and learned so much about where this chronic pain stems from, some stretches and exercises to gradually strengthen my back and, basically, an overall sense of how to better take care of myself. Based on my symptoms and what he saw, my physical therapist believes that after my lower back muscles loosened from my pregnancy with Ella, they never fully regained their strength. So, the muscle between my bottom four vertebrae is weak, causing there to be friction between the vertebrae and shooting out pain through my nerve endings. With a sedentary job as a paralegal, there is a lot of pressure on my lower back. And, with having constantly picked up a growing child the past three years, my back has never truly had a chance to heal. I have a huge lump of inflamed soft tissue to show for it!

Because of my health and age, my physical therapist is hopeful the natural approach of physical therapy will do the trick, rather than having to resort to surgery, injections or medication. If I stick to my exercise regiment, my back should get better with time. Just in time to *knock on wood* get pregnant again and consequently experience more back pain again! But hey, I'll take any amount of pain for a healthy second child!

Seeing a physical therapist and soaking in his knowledge on how to listen to my body and the proper approaches to strengthen my body left me feeling enlightened and strong. I now see that in order to care for my family, I have to first take care of myself. What good would I be as a mom if I can't run around with my children.

So, just as I am going to try and take control of my mind better, I am also going to take control of my body. Become aware of what is good and not good for it, listen to it. The knowledge and insight I gain as I do this will then transfer onto a healthier pregnancy (again, *knock on wood*).

Through all of these experiences yesterday, I heard God's quiet voice in the loudness of my life telling me to take it easy - to ease my mind, ease my body, ease my spirit.