I started my period this morning. A part of me is disappointed. I always have hope, despite the slim to none chance that we'd successfully conceive on our own. But hey, we have Ella, so miracles do exist! :)
Aaron told me that if someone looked up the definition of unbelievable in the dictionary, it would say, "Trying to get pregnant for 26 months and getting pregnant the cycle before IVF." I couldn't agree more!
After I noticed I started my period, I quietly told myself, "It's go time!"
So, my first steps are to go in for blood work on Friday and then start the birth control pill the same day. I'm not sure how long Dr. Weckstein will be keeping me on the pill. Originally, I was going to stay on it up until shortly before Thanksgiving, but that may change a bit since my period came late.
Either way, I'm ready! I really am! Do you remember all the posts where I was so unsure about when I'd be ready or if I'd ever be ready! Well, I finally feel at peace with moving forward with IVF.
It goes without saying, though, that despite being ready, we're still very nervous. But even more so than nerves and anxiety, we are filled with hope! We have hope that God will use IVF to bless us with another baby. We have hope that it'll work the first time. We have hope that this will mark the end of our infertility chapter and we can (finally!) move onto the next chapters of our lives...PREGNANCY and then BABY!
Lately, Ella has been telling me she wants a brother and sister. She brought Eeyore (from Winnie the Pooh) and a pink My Little Pony to me, and said, "Mommy, because I don't have a brother and sister, Eeyore will be my pretend brother and Pony will be my pretend sister." It nearly broke my heart.
Our infertility has had such a huge impact on our lives, but sometimes I forget how big of an impact it must be having on Ella, too. She understands we only have her, whereas all her friends at school have sibling(s). She sees at ballet that she doesn't have a brother or sister watching her twirl around. She sees. She knows. She wants a buddy to play with, a friend to care for, someone to get in trouble with. Sometimes it makes me so sad to see her playing all by herself in the backyard or playing quietly in her bedroom all alone. She deserves to have a sibling. She deserves to feel that joy! Sometimes I feel so guilty for not being able to give her one, despite our relentless efforts. But I know God has His hand in all of this, so I must remain faithfully reassured in His plan with our lives.
So, there you have it! We're all ready! It's going to be an emotionally draining, physically wearing, spiritually growing, prayerfully meditating, crazily unpredictable 6 to 7 weeks, but we've been waiting long enough for this and it's time! :)
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10 comments:
Yay for it being Go Time!!! Prayers for yall!! And I know how badly yall all want another addition to the family, but don't feel badly for Ella. I was an only child and honestly, I loved it. Of course, as all little kids I would ask for a sibling, but my parents were done with me and its all good. Make sure you and her enjoy these moment of being a family of 3! I know many of my friends who tell me even still at 25-30 years old how much life changed for them after their sibling came along!
How exciting! Good to hear that you are ready for IVF!
Ditto to Stephanie - I'm an only child and I love it. It doesn't mean that it wouldn't be great for Ella to have a sibling, but she may also be picking up on your desire for another child. But being an only child means an extra special relationship with the parents. I've always believed that it can foster a sense of independence and an aptitude for being able to relate (as a child) to both adults and children.
I certainly hope that your plans for another baby go the way you're hoping, but know that even as a only child, Ella can be a fulfilled and happy person :)
I am so excited for your family! I know how badly you want to grow your family, and I will be praying right along with you that IVF is successful on the first try! Hold tight to your faith and continue to trust in His plan... in the end, He really does know best :)
I love reading what the other bloggers have said to you, as that is one of the things about secondary infertility that hurts me the most--not being able to give my son a brother or sister. Thank you to those who have shared your experience, and Bobbi, I know exactly how you feel and am praying for you!
Oh how I know how those words from your child can stab you in the heart unknowingly. My son is close to Ella's age (he'll be 4 next month) and we have been trying for number 2 for over 2 years. Over the past year he has on more than one occasion asked to have a brother or sister. We did finally talk to him about it and told him it was up to God and that he could say his own prayer for a brother or sister. I think it's even harder to have him in the middle of playing and to just stop and say, "God, can you give us a baby in our family please." Yikes!
The thing we all have to remember is that God is in control of our lives and he does know what is best for us. We are not pursuing fertility treatments (just seeing a naturopath and trusting God to bless us with another if it is his plan) but that is because that is the path that we have chosen. And through it all, I have to continually cling to the truth that he is in control and knows what is best for me.
And I too still have hope every month after two years of trying. Sometimes I cry and wish I would just let go of the hope so that I don't get myself set up for disappointment every month when the inevitable rolls around. But it's still there because I know that the impossible can happen. Good luck with your journey over this next month!
Oh I am so excited for your IVF cycle! Hoping and praying for a BFP for you guys.
YAY! So excited for y'all and this upcoming journey!
"And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you." Psalm 39:7
SOOO excited for you guys!!
I really hope I start my period soon so we can be cycle buddies.
I love what you said at the..IT IS TIME!! :)
Good luck. I'll be following along.
Thanks for thinking about us!!
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