There has been a lot of unwanted news in the blogging community lately. A lot of failed cycles. A lot of pregnancy losses. And, especially for Angie, who is experiencing a huge heart break after discovering her baby's heart stopped beating (she was roughly a week ahead of me), a lot of questions of, "Why?" have been floating around.
After reading about infertile women still struggling, still crying themselves to sleep at nights, still dreaming of that second line, I can't help but feel a sense of guilt.
That was me just a few weeks ago.
(Wow! What a difference a few weeks can make!).
My struggle leading to where I am was by no means easy. I suffered so much. And, even though I'm pregnant, the pain is still raw. This pregnancy feels so unreal, like, sometimes I have to remind myself that it's actually finally happening! That my time has finally come! And each day that passes in this pregnancy, the pain becomes less prominent while I allow the happiness to fully seep in.
But, I still feel guilty that my time has come and that so many women are still left struggling. Even though I am allowing happiness to soak in, I can't help but feel so much sadness for everybody still struggling. I still have the heart of an infertile woman, even though my womb is no longer empty. I still feel that pain. It doesn't just disappear after two lines.
And every time I read a story about somebody's cycle not working, I want to help ease their pain, but there is nothing I can do, other than allow my story be a beacon of hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
14 comments:
Hey Bobbi!! I awarded your blog with the Versatile Blogger!! Check it out on my blog! Have a great day!
I'm not in your shoes, or theirs, but I think guilt is a valid emotion for you to feel. Sometimes with our own happiness comes the realization that we have achieved what others can not, or may not, ever be able too. It's tough to have that on your heart when you want everyone to have what you do.
Welcome to survivors guilt....quite frankly, it stinks *hugs*
Please don't feel guilty over me. I appreciate your thoughts and prayers, but I'm so happy that things are going well for you. I understand, though. I felt that way both times I got a BFP. It's nice to know that so many people are trying to help me put back together the shattered pieces of my heart.
You're so sweet :-)
Don't feel guilty though! You have been through enough to get pregnant, and you deserve to enjoy it without glancing backwards at what you've come through! I think if we all asked why, we would feel guilty about everything all the time!
I hope we can be a success story for someone else still on the journey, sharing in their ups and downs just as others did for us! Really feeling this post...
I think those of us who have dealt with IF and have been successful will always have a sense of guilt. It has been very heavy on my heart as we approach Mothers Day this weekend. While my turn has finally come to be a mom on Mother's Day, I still hurt for all those women who are still fighting for it.
All I can do is to pray for them and show them that through faith, anything is possible!
As Life Happens said, all you can do is pray for us still on this side. Guilt is not necessary. We (infertiles) are all fighting the same fight, some win, some lose, some get there (a lot) quicker, while others it takes (forever) a while longer.
Those that beat it, deserve to enjoy pure happiness with the growing babe in their womb!!! xo
I feel the same way, I wish there was something I could do for all these awesome women.
What a sweet post. I can totally imagine feeling like this, and I would too. But don't feel guilty over me. I am very happy for you, and I do really hope that it works out for you. {{{HUGS}}}
I learned a long time ago to stop asking why. Because there are really no good answers. I imagine it's easy to feel guilty, but you shouldn't. None of us is more or less deserving than the next. All you can do is be there and support/love, which is something I know you do!
(((hugs)))
Hey Bobbi! Back in Dec when I got my BFP, a fellow blogger had just got a bfn. I felt really guilty like I'd left her behind. (even though she didn't know me!). Anyway, I went on to have a m/c and she got a BFP next IVF cycle - she is now in her second trimester. Please don't feel guilty, it's a tough journey for everybody. Enjoy your pregnancy, it hasn't been easy for u either!
Please don't feel guilty... your our hope and inspiration :)) xoxo
Hey, your emotions are all so real and heartfelt. Although we all are at different steps of our journey to becoming mothers, you DO serve as a ray of hope, a beam of sunlight to us. Keep on keepin' on!
Post a Comment