Now that the euphoria of being pregnant has somewhat died down, my happiness and joy is being trumped by worry and fear.
Getting through the first trimester is no guarantee. Miscarriage is far too common. I know so many people, both through blogging and in real life, that have experienced the awful nightmare of miscarrying their baby. Every time I hear about a miscarriage, my heart just sinks. There is pain in not ever getting pregnant, and then there is pain in having a pregnancy (an actual baby!) taken away. I haven't gone through the latter, but I can imagine it's absolutely unbearable.
Despite my worry, I'm trying to embrace being pregnant. I'm trying to be calm and confident that God will keep the little peanut safe. He has so wonderfully blessed my family and me. Aaron, Ella and I have gone through so much just to get to this point and I have to remain faithful that God is watching over us and our future family member.
It just scares me so much to think that it can be taken away.
My life could shatter into a million pieces in a matter of seconds.
My God is the giver life, but He also takes life away.
If I'm coming across as complaining and ungrateful for being pregnant, please don't think that. Every time I think of the little peanut growing inside of me, my heart skips a beat. I'm just so happy. But (the infamous but!) worry is making that happiness stand aside every now and again.
I'm definitely feeling pregnant now. My boobs are starting to get sore. I'm exhausted by the time I put Ella to bed between 7:30 and 8:00. I felt nausea a very little bit a couple evenings ago. The cramping/stretching sensations come and go, but I always feel a pressure down there. Like I described it before, it just feels like my uterus is full and pushing outwards. Definitely growing and making space for the little cashew! :)
Ella wanted to wear her "Big Sister" shirt to school today and when I told her couldn't yet (I'm just not ready to face that conversation with parents/teachers/aids), she uncontrollably sobbed, "But, I want to be a big sister!" It took some time to comfort her and explain that she is still a big sister, even when she doesn't wear the shirt.
Ella wants so badly to be a big sister. I pray that beautiful honor becomes a reality for her in less than eight months. :)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
Someone posted on their blog earlier today (or yesterday), that "this pregnancy has already been determined as healthy or not, so enjoy the moments now and don't worry." Or something along those lines, chin up lady! You've done great so far and it's only beggining. *Hugs!
I know how hard the first couple weeks are. Hang in there and keep smiling! You are pregnant and there is no reason to think anything is going to happen.
Hi there! I am your newest follower... I can't wait to continue to read about your pregnancy! I am a labor and delivery RN and I love reading about people being pregnant!!!
Brandi
www.brandielam.com
Hang in there, Bobbi! I can only imagine how your thoughts must go back and forth between complete elation and complete worry now that your dreams have finally come true. I think what you are feeling is totally normal, you've dreamed of this for so long and now you will guard that dream with all you have. I hope your days are filled with more excitement than worry, but know we are all hear for you to listen to your worries and hopefully ease them a little bit, too! Xoxo
It's hard not to worry- we've all been there. I hope the first trimester flies by for you and you can start to relax a little :)
The worry is unavoidable, but as you said trust in the Lord.
I think it's normal to feel this way.. it's been a rough road for us to get here so we can't completely relax yet. Cheering for you.
Sorry about my slow blogging this week :( The worry in unavoidable, especially after having been through so much to get to the beautiful place you are at the moment... hoping for you every step of the way and love your little girl wanting to be a big sister so much and share it with others. Look after yourself with extra special care over this special time xoxo
Post a Comment