So, this coming Friday, we are driving to the bay area to see Dr. Louis Weckstein at Reproductive Science Center of the Bay Area. This initial consultation is basically for the doctor to get a feel for our situation and to lay out our options. We are basically paying $275.00 just to "talk." A papsmear-type thing will be done during this appointment to check my uterine lining and my follicles, though, which I'm eager to have done. And unless my results from that procedure are abnormal or blood work comes back showing hormonal imbalances, I know what our options are.
I am truly scared for decisions that will have to be made in the near-ish future. I'm scared to make the wrong decision. Do I continue faithfully trying to conceive naturally? Do I get back on Clomid (which I absolutely DO NOT want to do)? Do I try shot treatment? Do I attempt another IUI? Or, do I jump right into an IVF? I am daily praying for guidance.
To gain insight and inspiration, I met with a friend who, after nearly two years of trying to conceive for her first child, met with Dr. Weckstein. Not too long after her first visit with him, she had an IVF done. She now has 1-year old twins, a girl and boy. I know God has placed her in my life for this reason. She has been a support to me in a way that others have not because she has walked the path I am now walking, she has felt the dark emotions I am feeling. She is a strong Christian and battled the uncertainty of if she should continue to have faith in God or have science help her, the same inner battle that I am now trying to understand.
Now, I'm not saying an IVF is in our future. I'm not saying anything! But it's absolutely mind boggling to think that IVF has even left my lips when talking to Aaron about our options. I never thought it'd come to something like this, especially since we are a proven fertile couple!
But, just as some couples who require fertility treatment to conceive their first child and experience no trouble conceiving their future children naturally, Aaron and I are falling along this same situation, only we are backwards.
I just don't want to wait any longer. Am I selfish to say that? Am I going against God's Will by putting my fertility in my own hands? Am I even making the right choice to see an infertility specialist? These are all questions I'm struggling with everyday, but I'm hoping and praying that after Friday's appointment, I feel more at peace.
9 comments:
Try not to get too ahead of yourself lady... in this world you really do have to take it one step at a time. And you are stepping in the right direction by seeing this specialist! I'll be anxiously awaiting news on what he has to tell you! But I sense good things are coming! ;)
Congrats on taking the first leap and making that appointment! It may be overwhelming, but its a good thing! There are SO many options for assistance. I hope you dont have to go as far as IVF, but if you do, its not that bad either. :)
Feel free to email me directly if you have any questions, concerns or want to vent! TERobertson18@aol.com. Im adding you to my blogs I read now..
This was the perfect post for me to read this morning. I've been struggling with so many of the same feelings that you have addressed. I am almost exactly in the same spot you are in, 2 years in and moving on to see in RE. However, you've got more guts than me, I can't seem to find it in me to actually MAKE the appointment :) I know it is time, and I want to take the next step but it is so hard to just pick up the phone and start this next part of our infertily journey. Good Luck to you, and I look forward to hearing how it went.
I'll be praying for you!
Praying for you as you make this next step!
Looking forward to your appointment this Friday. I KNOW that you feel better once you've had someone to talk to.
Praying for positive results and some ANSWERS!
I'm hoping you get on the road to finding out what's been holding you & Aaron back!
Something my Fert. Spec. told me: It seems like everyone in the world is conceiving without effort, but even normal "fertile" couples can take up to a year to achieve pregnancy because everything has to be just right.
I'm hoping it's an easy fix for you two, and that you can experience the joy of pregnancy again!
Keep us posted :)
Being an Infertility patient myself, I know that you'll make the right decision when it comes to building your family. We always do.
I know the struggle and the road is long, but once you're holding that baby in your arms you're journey will fade into the background a little bit and nothing else will matter but that perfect little human staring back at you with loving eyes.
Infertility is one of the hardest things I have ever had to walk through. But as you know, we can get through almost anything. I believe in you and I know that you'll make the right decision no matter what.
Thinking of you and sending you many, many, ((hugs))
♥ Tarah
(The Other Johnson's) ;)
Always remember that God and Science are not opposing teams. God can use science to bless your family. And, without God, science will fail. If it is God's will for you to have another child, then you will have that child. But only He knows what means He will choose to bring that child into this world and into your arms.
God instructs us to be wise. He gave us doctors & medicine and treatments. It is wise to use the resources He gives us. We can pray for gas to fill our tanks but it's wise to go to the gas station & pump some. ;-)
It is in His hands, my friend. And His plan for you is GOOD. That you can count on. God has not given you a spirit of fear. But of power and love and a sound mind.
If you have peace about the path you have chosen, go forward in confidence.
I will be praying that this journey brings you many miracles.
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