Emotional like Whoa!

Hormones...check!

Drugs messing with my hormones...check!

Estrogene and progesterone levels all over the place...check!

Possibly pregnant...check!

Possibly PMS-ing...check!

Going crazy analyzing every symptom I'm experiencing...check!

The thought of $15,000 of debt without anything to show for it looming over my head...check!

It's no wonder I'm so emotional. I'm keeping it together while my in-laws visit, though. Laughing and enjoying each other's company. But, I didn't realize how much I was keeping in, how well I was keeping it together until I got to work and saw my mom (yes, I work with my mom). I went straight into my office with just a quick "Good morning," but after some time passed, she came in to check on me.

All she had to do was say, "How are you?" and I started balling! I couldn't even look at her because I knew that would make me cry harder. She just patted my shoulders, brushed my hair with her fingers and listened to me sob.

I'm a mess.

Aaron's a mess, although able to keep himself more composed.

Ella, thankfully, has not picked up on her "messy" parents, but during lunch yesterday, she did ask for us to all hold hands, Grandma and Grandpa included, and pray. So, once we were all holding hands, she said, "God." (Long pause). "Please help us."

We all couldn't help but laugh. :)

But then she added some perspective to her prayer.

"Thank you for Daddy. Thank you for Mommy. Thank you for Grandpa. Thank you for Grandma."

Crazy how a little 4-year old, without a care in the world, can bring so much perspective to a table filled with infertility and cancer.

Yes, Ella, at the end of the day, we need to remain thankful for what we have...each other.

But, hey, a good cry...or two...or three...never hurt anybody. Aaron jokingly suggested Dan (my father-in-law battling cancer) and I should find a corner and just cry together. So much weight is on each of our shoulders. So many hormones messing with us. The only difference is, though, I'd be crying because I feel powerless to creating life.

He would be crying because he feels powerless to cancer and the hold it has on his life.

Again...perspective.