Anger Management

Aaron woke up this morning with every intention to go to church. I wasn't feeling it, though, but this time, he pushed me. It was actually very refreshing (although, at the time I mumbled and grumbled), to see Aaron wanting to go to church. I always thought it was me wanting it for the family, but this morning, I saw that he is starting to become the spiritual leader of our house. That makes me so excited! God is becoming a bigger part of Aaron's life, and I can honestly say I have our infertility to thank for that.

You trying to tell us something, God?


Did you know we had to go through infertility for both of us to lean on our faith more and to bring us back to You? If so...it's working!


Church was great this morning, as usual. The message was about anger. I could feel Aaron's eyes on me many times during the message. Why, you might ask. Well, lately, I've had a lot of anger stored up inside me and it seeps out...more often than I care to admit.

I know a lot of this anger stems from our infertility. I remember the person I was before these circumstances were upon us and I can actually remember feeling happier. I wasn't so edgy, so moody, so quick to anger. I was more easy-going, little things didn't bother me as much and overall, just a happier person. I miss that Bobbi. I want to be that Bobbi again.

So, I took a lot of notes during the message and my goal is to live out what I learned. I always have a choice!

No matter how horrible the situation is...I have a choice.

No matter how awful a person hurt me...I have a choice.

No matter how much I feel someone has wronged me...I have a choice.

No matter how unfair I feel the cards have been dealt to me...I have a choice.

No matter how hard it is to "love" someone as God calls us to love...I have a choice.

That's the beauty about anger, if you can at all see beauty in anger. The beauty is that anger can be controlled. And with going through such a burdening lack of control with our infertility, it is invigorating to have something that I can actually control!

I choose to live without anger.

And, although I know I will fall short of this time and time (and time) again, after today, I am more consciously aware of the role anger is playing in my life. Anger, ultimately, stems from me living a life for myself only and anything that gets in my way from getting what I want, naturally, results in anger and all emotions that stem from being angry. But, if I shift my heart and choose to live my life for God, then anger may not show it's oh-so-ugly face as much.

And, on a side note, Aaron and I are heading to our infertility specialist's office tomorrow morning for more testing. Aaron is having a second, more extensive semen analysis done and will have his blood drawn to determine if he is also a Cystic Fibrosis (CF) carrier. I'm going to have a saline sonogram done to make sure my endometrial cavity (inside my uterus) looks normal, along with a urine test done to see if I have any STDs (haha!).

I will let you all know the results as soon as I do. The big one determining if Aaron is a CF carrier will take about two weeks. That's a long time! But, hey...I won't be angry about the wait! :)