Ever since Dr. W told me there's a good chance that Ella is a miracle, I've looked at her in a different way. Now, don't get me wrong. My love for her is the most unconditional, deep, real, natural feeling imaginable. Always has been, always will be.
I had a love for her even before I knew I was going to be her mom. My heart was created in such a way to desire motherhood and all the emotions that go with it. So, before Ella came to me, my heart was already shaped to fit her needs.
My heart, however, never protected itself from the possibility of not being able to express all its potential through motherhood. God blessed me with Ella, though, despite what could've been unconceivable odds, as a way to demonstrate His love to me so that I could fulfill my desire to love as only a mother could. It's such a special kind of love. Our own mother's love is so sweet and infectious, and I just bubble inside with excitement knowing I have Ella to pour all that love onto.
But, I still have so much more love to give...exponentially growing with each passing day. And, it's not that Ella doesn't cut it for me. I'm not trying to come across as greedy. I just know that my heart was molded to love on more children, whether my own biological children or adopted, and the past two years have reaffirmed what I always knew.
Now knowing about Aaron's sperm morphology, we see that there is a strong chance that Ella is, in fact, our miracle child. This makes my already so special view of her even more special. Today, I just stared at her with adoration, thankfully praying to God for her.
I'm not going to question God as to why 99% of Aaron's sperm isn't good enough quality to make a baby. I'm not going to question why He's choosing not to bless us with another "miracle baby." After all, even if Aaron had 100% abnormal sperm, God is still the Maker of all things and if it was His will for us to have a baby, we would have a baby!
But, regardless of those difficult questions to swallow, I remain ever-so-faith. I have so much faith that God knows what He's doing with my life. I have so much faith that IVF is going to bring us our second (and possibly third) child. I have faith! Can you hear me??? I have faith and I'd shout it from the mountaintops!
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3 comments:
What an amazing post! Isn't God just so glorious. You have been granted a miracle baby AND the opportunity for more - whether it be IVF or adoption or another miracle surprise. God is good, that is a fact.
Great post!!! As I've gone along in our journey my faith has grown, my husband and I have grown together in faith. Some days, of course, I have some fears and questions, but I'm learning to give it all up to God. I don't know why he chooses us special few to go through infertility, but its all for a purpose!
And looking at them Jesus said to them, "With people this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
-Matthew 19:26
Glad you're feeling renewed. Nothing happens in G-d's world by mistake.
There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle. -Einstein
Randi
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